Love Like A Sunset
by kittensandcombatboots
Summary: Edward is sent to Phoenix to stay with his grandmother after getting kicked out of school. He falls for the neighbor girl. AH/AU Rated M for language and sexual content. Reformatted for reposting.
1. Part 1

**Chapter 1: Burning On**

"Helena" by My Chemical Romance

I took off my suit jacket because it was hot as hell in fucking Phoenix and I didn't care who had died, it wasn't worth getting a heat stroke. That wasn't going to prove anything. No one was going to be saying, "Edward loved his grandfather so much that he refused to take off his jacket and then almost died after the funeral." That was shit. No one was going to say stuff like that.

Maybe they would say that I was being a disrespectful bastard who was making his grandmother cry, but I could deal with that. It wasn't true. I wasn't the one making Grandma Masen cry. That would be my Uncle James, he kept going on and on about Grandpa when clearly she didn't want to talk about him. She was crying her eyes out.

And there were a bunch of people in her house and I, maybe, knew three of them, including myself. I just…didn't want to deal with this shit. I barely knew my grandparents, but one of them dies and Carlisle and Esme send me there for the funeral. And then, when I'm seconds away from boarding the plane, they tell me that I'm also supposed to stay here for the summer to help Grandma adjust.

I'm seventeen years old. Her husband of like fifty years died. How the hell am I supposed to help her adjust? They're fucking idiots.

I knew why I was really in Phoenix. My parents were pissed at me. Throw a kegger at the house even though I'm under-age, that's fine. Get caught smoking pot in school, also okay. Sleep with half of the girls in my class, eh. They weren't happy, but they dealt with it. Apparently my parents draw the line at making a C in AP Calculus.

Fucking idiots.

They were using the funeral as an excuse to send me here. So I was in a shitty mood. I didn't want to deal with any of this anymore. I'd even considered getting another plane ticket the second that I landed, but Carlisle had put a hold on my credit card. So maybe he wasn't as dumb as he looks, just a horrible father.

Now I had to spend my summer in hotter-than-hell Phoenix with my sixty-two year old grandmother, who I barely knew. She was my real dad's mother, my biological grandmother. That bastard who called himself my father had adopted me when I was three after my dad died of adrenal cancer. And Esme just let him treat me like shit, because he was rich and a doctor and a fucking smooth operator.

She was my mom. She was supposed to be on my side. But she was always on his.

After thirty minutes of small talk with people three times my age telling me how much I looked like my father, I was through. I wanted to blow my brains out, but I didn't figure that would be good on my grandma, so I went upstairs to the little room where I would be spending my summer.

All of my friends were going to Cancun. I was supposed to be going with them. They would be pissed that I bailed, but it's not like I had a choice. At the airport, I tried to tell them that I wasn't going. Carlisle said it was either a summer in Phoenix or a semester at boot camp.

Fucking prick.

I mean, really, what kind of choice is that? So, I came here and I already hated it. It was way too hot. I had grown accustomed to Forks where it was only sunny like once a year.

I closed the door to my room and threw my suit jacket on the floor by my bag. Then I went and lay down on the lumpy bed. I was sure that no one had slept in it since the eighties. I covered my eyes with my arm, because even though there were curtains, they didn't block out any of the sunlight.

I heard the door open and a gasp.

I removed my arm from my eyes and stared at her for a couple of seconds. She was…wow. Her plain black dress fell just below her knees. And her long wavy brown hair framed her stunning face. Her skin was pale, ethereal, and seemed so out of place in Phoenix.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was in here," she said quietly, looking down at her feet. But I could still see a faint blush on her cheeks. "I was just going to use the restroom up here, because the one downstairs is occupied."

I looked at the bathroom connected to my bedroom. "Go ahead," I said, nodding towards it.

"Thanks," she mumbled. And walked to the little room.

She didn't bother shutting the door. I found myself staring at her when she wiped the tears from under her eyes and fixed her makeup in the mirror. She played with her hair for a few seconds before shrugging in indifference. I felt the urge to run my fingers through her hair. Or maybe it was for her to run her fingers through my hair.

As the girl exited the bathroom, she bit her bottom lip. On most other girls I would have considered it flirting. On her, however, it looked like a nervous habit. She looked like she almost wanted to say something. Almost.

She walked toward the door without a word, much to my displeasure. This girl was the most interesting thing that had happened since I arrived in Phoenix two days ago. And I doubted it got much better. Suddenly, she turned back around and sat down on the bed next to me. I sat up because I knew that she wasn't the type to lay down on a bed with a strange guy. I could just tell that about her.

She seemed innocent, pure. It was an exciting change of pace.

"I'm Bella," she said, blushing as the words exited her mouth.

"Edward…Cullen," I replied.

She smiled and looked down at her hands which were fidgeting nervously in her lap. "I know. The grandson. Your grandma talks about you all the time."

I raised my eyebrow. I really hoped that she didn't. Because that would undoubtedly kill any chance I had of getting Bella into bed. "All lies," I said smoothly.

She looked up at me and I was hit by the full force of her eyes. They were deep and bright and surreal. And, fuck, I really wanted her. "You mean you really aren't a classically trained piano player, who is on the fast track to an Ivy League university and then med school?"

Probably not after the C in Calc. Or with getting suspended for marijuana. Or getting the cops called on my party. I guess that the only part of that that was true was the piano crap. And only because Esme had forced it on me as a child.

I shrugged. "I guess," I said. "How do you know all of that?"

There was no point in telling this chick the truth. If she thought all these good things about me, then it would definitely help me nail her. And it wasn't like I was going to see her again after the summer.

"I live next door," she replied, biting her lip again.

Next door. This could definitely work to my advantage. If nothing else, my summer would be interesting.

**Chapter 2: Your Pretty Little Finger**

"You Got Me Down" by Lorien

"Next door?" I asked, feeling a mischievous grin form. "Do you come over and visit my grandmother a lot?"

The plan was forming in my mind and I had never felt more brilliant.

"I usually come over a few times a week," Bella replied. Her eyes were back to studying her hands. And she was blushing red.

I had the nearly overwhelming urge to stroke her cheek, but that would have to wait. I had plenty of time left to touch her. And, if my calculations were anywhere near correct, I could get her to touch me too. Probably within a day, day and a half.

I loosened my tie and reclined on the bed, holding myself up with my elbows. "You know, if you're going to be around this summer, you should show me what there is to do in this town. I'm here until August."

If it was even humanly possible, she blushed even brighter red. "Sure," she said simply.

"Awesome," I replied. Step one: accomplished. Now all I needed was a little of that panty-dropping, Edward Cullen charm and I was set.

We were both quiet for a few seconds, until she shifted around on the bed. Bella looked down at me. "Are you up here hiding?"

"You caught me," I replied fluidly. "It's just so…intense down there. I don't know how they all do it. I've only been to two funerals my entire life and I don't even remember the other one."

Bella bit her lip again. God, she was going to be the death of me. "Your dad?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," I answered curtly. I let out a huge breath.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I shouldn't have said anything." She stood up to leave, but I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to the bed.

"No, you're right. It was my dad's funeral. And it was, like, fifteen years ago. I'm over it."

I didn't know why it always pissed me off when people mentioned him. It wasn't his fault that he had gotten cancer. It wasn't his fault that he died. But I still blamed him. If he hadn't died, I wouldn't have a prick of a stepdad. And my mom wouldn't be a gold digger. And, I don't know, maybe I would be happy or at least less angry all the time. I hated my fucking life. And it just kept getting worse.

She didn't say anything for a really long time. She just sat there with me as I got all angry and miserable all over again. I would have given my first born for a way out of this town, out from under Carlisle's thumb—it wasn't like I was going to be a good father anyway. Finally, I just looked up at her.

"We should probably go back down there. My uncle is probably still making my grandma cry," I said. I didn't want to stop the fun alone time with the girl on my bed, but she needed to think that I was respectable. She was too pure for me to try anything after five minutes of meeting her. This would need to be done delicately.

"Are you talking about James?" she asked. I nodded and she squirmed. "No offense, but he gives me the creeps. He's always staring at me, even though he's like thirty."

"Don't worry. I'll protect you." And then I winked at her, because I knew that she would just eat that shit up. I stood up slowly. "Come on."

I didn't bother with my suit jacket. That thing was staying in the corner where it belonged. But Bella got off the bed and smoothed out her dress as if she had done something to mess it up. Ridiculous. I led her down the stairs even though she clearly knew this house better than me. This wasn't about familiarity; this was about appearing to be in control, confident.

Bella and I walked up to my grandma. James was still there. And she was still crying her eyes out. As soon as she saw us, Grandma Masen latched onto me and Bella and pulled us into this weird group hug. My face was just inches from Bella's and hers was blushing like crazy, but I tried to ignore that.

She was crying and, even if I didn't know the woman, she was still my grandmother, so I needed to stop thinking with my dick and be a good grandson.

"I'm so glad that you are here, Edward," she said through her sobs.

"Me too, Grandma," I said quietly, closing my eyes so that I didn't have to stare in Bella's eyes. I had to stay focus. I had to play the role of the well-behaved grandson perfectly.

"I see you met Bella. She's a lovely young woman." I peeked one eye open to see her blushing again, before quickly closing it again when she caught me looking.

"I agree. She's beautiful."

My grandma started laughing, even though she was still crying and I was thankful for that. I hadn't seen her smile or laugh once today. It felt good to know that I didn't suck at everything in life. I was the one who made her laugh.

"You're mother told me that you were a ladies' man. I just didn't know that you would try to make a move today of all days."

I opened my eyes against my better judgment and looked at my grandmother. She was saying all of this in front of Bella without batting an eye. I wasn't sure how either of them would react.

Bella bit her bottom lip and smiled teasingly at me. And suddenly she didn't look as innocent as I had first judged her to be. "He hasn't tried to make a move yet. He only said something about me showing him Phoenix."

My grandma released us both and swatted me on the arm.

I was so confused. "What was that for?"

She put her hands on her hips and looked at me sternly, very maternally. "What are you waiting on, Edward? Life's short."

Holy fuck. I felt so out of my element all of a sudden. I had to regain control.

I tried to recover, but I was still floundering. I had somehow lost my footing. I had underestimated Bella. And my grandmother. And the entire situation.

"Edward," Bella said sweetly. "Do you want to go to the pool with me tomorrow?"

_She_ was asking _me_ out. Huh.

So confused. I just nodded my head in response and Bella giggled at what I assumed was my dazed look.

I had no idea what to expect when I woke up the next morning. I didn't know which Bella I was going to be going to the pull with—the quiet one who blushed at everything or the one who implied to my grandma that I wasn't moving quickly enough. It was well after eleven when I finally pulled my pathetic ass out of bed and stumbled down the steps for breakfast.

Grandma was in the living room watching old home movies, so I didn't interrupt her. I went straight into the kitchen and looked around for Pop-Tarts or granola bars or something that I could eat one-handed. Nothing. So I had to settle for a bowl of Raison Bran.

I prayed that my parents hadn't remembered to put a hold on my debit card, because I seriously was not going to survive a summer of old people food. I needed sausage biscuits or pizza rolls or Hot Pockets. Oh, I needed Hot Pockets to live and breathe. And I knew for a fact that my grandmother didn't keep them in the house.

After my bowl of bland, tasteless cereal, I dragged myself back up the stairs to pull on my swim trunks. Esme had packed my bag for me and thankfully she had thrown in things I would actually need. If Carlisle—that bastard—had packed it I was sure that there would be a lot of khakis and polo shirts, just like he wore. I grabbed a shirt and some flip flops that she had packed. I seriously didn't know if I had ever worn flip flops in my entire life. They felt awkward and I wanted to pull back on my Vans, but I thought that I would look like an idiot.

I went into the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. My hair looked crazy; I hadn't touched it since I had woken up, but there wasn't really a point. We would be getting in the water soon enough.

"Bella's here," my grandma yelled from downstairs. I smirked and put my Ray-Bans on before going to greet her.

I had to be smart about this. I couldn't underestimate Bella again. And I needed to get the ball back in my court. She had to want me more than I wanted her. And I had plenty of practice in that department.

She was dressed modestly—Bermuda shorts and a t-shirt—but she still looked amazing. Bella smiled bashfully at me, all the confidence of yesterday apparently gone. I smirked at her, the way that I knew girls loved.

"Hi," she said, blushing again.

"Hey. Ready to go?" I asked. She nodded.

"You kids have fun," Grandma said. "And, behave yourself, Edward."

**Chapter 3: Bad in Such a Good Way**

"Kill Her With a Kiss" by Harrison Hudson

What the hell was I doing? I was in way over my head. Me and my mouth have a few fleeting seconds of confidence and they got me into this predicament—standing in Mrs. Masen's living room waiting for her ridiculously attractive grandson, so that we can go swimming. Why I suggested swimming when I hated my body I had no idea. All I knew was that I had gotten myself into this mess and I needed to, at the very least, survive this day with my virginity intact.

"You know that he's trouble, don't you?" she asked from her spot on the couch. She was watching home movies from, like, the seventies.

"Then why did you encourage him to make a move on me?" I responded, sighing. My stomach was tightening in knots. I was so far out of my comfort zone.

She laughed. "Because I think that you are stubborn enough to resist all of his baloney. Plus, if he's chasing you all summer, he won't have time to get in more trouble. Maybe he'll actually become a decent young man."

I closed my eyes. "Your entire plan hinges on me being strong enough to resist his charm, and I'm just not sure I'm up to that."

"He's suave, Bella. But he's also full of shit. Don't take that from him."

I started laughing, because I had never heard her curse in all the years that I had known her. I had lived next door since my mom and dad divorced when I was really young. She had always been there for me. And, when I was little, I spent more time over here with Mr. and Mrs. Masen than I had with my own mother.

Finally, Edward descended the stairs like a god coming down from on high. I smiled anxiously at him as I ogled him. He had on electric blue swim trunks and it didn't surprise me one bit. They were sure to get him noticed. His t-shirt hugged his chest hinting at the muscles underneath. I looked at his legs and saw the most amazing calf muscles I had ever seen. There was something about runners that got me all hot and bothered, and I had the feeling that Edward could really move.

I looked at his perfect face and he smirked at me. I blushed, because I had been caught checking him out. And in front of his grandmother, nonetheless. Holy hell, it was going to be a long day.

"Hi," I said.

"Hey. You ready to go?" My brain fuzzed over because his voice was so damn smooth, so I just nodded.

"You kids have fun," Mrs. Masen said. "And, behave yourself, Edward."

We started walking down the block, but I think that I shocked him when I stopped at me house. "I don't have my swimsuit on yet. And we need towels. And sun block. You can chill out on the couch and I'll be back in a minute."

I couldn't decide on a swimsuit before the time that I told him I would be there, so I put it off. I couldn't determine which was more appropriate—the one piece that wouldn't affect him at all or the tiny little bikini that I didn't really feel comfortable wearing, but would definitely get a rise out of him. So, I was going to leave it up to him.

I showed him the living room and the couch. "Hurry back," he said.

"Blue or black," I yelled from the stairs.

"Blue," he replied without any hesitation.

Damn him. Tiny bikini it was. I ran up to my bland bedroom and dug through my drawers trying to find the bathing suit that Renee had bought me because I always looked "frumpy." I quickly put on the swimsuit, making sure that all the strings were tied tight. I didn't really want to flash him, at least not unintentionally. And then I put my regular clothes on over it.

After that I started assembling the beach bag. Towels from the linen closet. Sunscreen from the bathroom. Sunglasses. Also, Renee's newest issue of Cosmo, though I worried that it might back and fire on me.

I came down the stairs and he wasn't sitting on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table like I thought he would be. Instead, he was walking around the room looking at all the pictures that covered the walls. Most of them were of Renee and her many men, but there were a few of me doing ballet and playing t-ball and falling.

"This one is my favorite," Edward said with an adorable smile, pointing to the one of me in a tutu, smiling wide even though my two front teeth were missing.

"Come on," I said, blushing. "Let's go."

I didn't know what to say to him as we walked the four blocks to the little community pool. My entire goal was to keep myself from trying to jump him. I was trying to behave respectably so that his grandmother would let me back in their house. She was good to me, so I couldn't screw this up. Tease. Tempt. But never, ever give in.

"You're from Washington, right?" I asked after an entire block of uneasy silence.

"Yeah, a sh…crappy little town with nothing at all to do." I laughed when he censored himself in front of me.

"My dad lives in Washington in a shitty little town too. I usually make him fly out to California for a few weeks every summer to visit me."

"You're going to be gone for two weeks this summer?" he asked sounding pathetic and miserable at the thought of not seeing me for two weeks, as if we were best friends or something.

I giggled. "You haven't even known me two days, sweetie. You might hate me by tomorrow."

"That's highly doubtful, honey."

"Honey?" I asked feeling my cheeks getting warm.

"Yes, dear?" he replied laughing. I hit him playfully on the arm.

"Why did you call me honey?"

Edward turned around and started walking backwards so that he could look at me when he was talking. The kid was good, even took of his sunglasses. He knew the importance of eye contact.

"You called me 'sweetie' first."

"I meant it in the most innocent way possible. It is much too soon for pet names."

Edward slid his Ray-Bans back on. "Whatever you say, B."

"That is what I say, E."

We finally made it to the pool and it was already packed. Phoenix was like an inferno by noon. And the pool was one of the easiest ways to cool down here. I looked over at a group of girls that were ogling Edward and suddenly felt jealousy flare up, even though I had no claim whatsoever on him.

I knew the ringleader. She lived down the block from me. We used to play together; we even took ballet lessons together. But that all changed in middle school when she got huge boobs and started dating guys four years older than her. She used to be sweet, but now she was just a slut. And I didn't want her skanky ass anywhere near Edward.

"Is something wrong, B?" he asked, interrupting my fantasies of snapping Shelly's neck and then screwing Edward in front of all of her little clones.

"Nope," I replied and smiled sweetly.

He and I found two chairs as far away from them as I could. Edward pulled out the towels and laid them across both of the chairs without me asking him to. It was a sweet gesture, but I knew that I couldn't let my guard down around him. He pulled off his shirt and threw it into the bag, reaching for the sunscreen and rubbing it on his chest and abs.

And I was staring.

"What?" he asked. "Am I that pasty?"

I licked my lips before I could stop myself. "No," I said. "You look fine."

And then he was watching at me. He looked like he could see through my clothes. It was unnerving. I finally sighed and gave up, pulling off my shirt. I swear that he hissed like he was in pain. Then I took off my shorts.

I stole the bottle of sunscreen for him, knowing that if I didn't get it on soon I would be red for days and that definitely wasn't attractive. His eyes never left me as I rubbed the lotion into my stomach and the front of my shoulders. I guess that I should thank Renee on her insistence of going to spin class and Pilates instead of complaining about it.

"Can you get my back?" I replied, biting my bottom lip. His pupils dilated and he nodded. I turned around and pulled my hair to the side.

His hands clearly knew what they were doing. And, somehow along the way, applying sunscreen had turned into a back massage, but I couldn't think clearly enough to tell him to stop. He found this spot along my spine and my head rolled back unconsciously as I fought back a moan.

I felt his lips on the side of my throat.

I turned around immediately. He looked at me, his eyes fearful. I shook my head.

And then I reclined on the chair and closed my eyes.

"We're not playing that game," I said.

"But I like that game," he said from beside me. "Why can't we?"

"Because I don't want to. We're either going to play my game or I'm not going to play with you at all."

It was risky. He could say goodbye and go hook up with one of those sluts who would happily blow him. But I felt pretty confident that telling him no would only make the challenge more fun for him. He seemed like that kind of guy.

"Fine. What's your game?"

I turned my head to the side and opened my eyes, looking at him. He still had his fucking Ray-Bans on and he had sex hair. And I had to concentrate on keeping myself from straddling him and licking the prominent V that hugged his abs.

"Why are you really in Phoenix for the summer, Edward?"

I knew why. His grandma had told me. And I had given him the opportunity to tell me yesterday, but he had copped out. I wondered if he would again.

"Honestly?" he asked, lifting one of his eyebrows. I nodded. After several seconds of contemplation, he spoke again. "And you won't hold it against me?"

"Not if you tell me the truth," I replied.

He laughed once humorlessly and ran his fingers through his hair. "Why do I feel like you already know exactly why I'm here?" I assumed it was rhetorical even though he didn't say anything for nearly a minute.

"Fine," he said, not looking at me, but rather staring off into space. "I'm a fuck up. I tried to actually enjoy my life for once and instead pissed off my stepdad enough that he gave me the option between a summer here with my grandma and a semester at boot camp. I chose Phoenix."

I shrugged. He had been honest enough. I really hadn't expected that much out of him.

"I have a question for you now," he said, sitting up in his chair. "Why are you here? With me? You obviously know that I'm not a good guy, so why are you here?"

"You're grandmother is under the impression that I can fix you or something," I paraphrased the earlier conversation that I had with her.

"But you don't?" I sat up in my chair and faced him. I bit my bottom lip almost in disbelief of the words about to come out of my mouth.

"I don't think you're broken."

He laughed out loud as I looked at my feet, not wanting to face him. I was sure that everyone else at the pool could hear him and was staring at us. Even though the sun had been beating down, I could still feel the warmth as I blushed. Blushing had always been an unfortunate side effect of life, but there was something about Edward that made it an almost mandatory occurrence.

"Fuck, my grandmother is going to kill me," he muttered quietly once his laughter died down.

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

I looked up and he had on the sexiest fucking smirk I had ever seen. "Because I want to corrupt you so badly."

**Chapter 4: For You, I'm Bad News**

"Indianapolis" by Farewell Flight

I woke up the next morning suffocating on my pillow from sleeping on my stomach. I had kicked off all of the blankets in my sleep because it was so fucking hot in Phoenix. And I slept in only my boxers because my clothes kept clinging to me. It was disgusting. I hated waking up with a film of sweat covering my skin.

The first thing that I did was pull off the last shred of my clothing and climb into a cool shower. It was amazing, glorious. And when I climbed out, I felt a million times better. I found clean underwear and black shorts and put them on. After that, I ran downstairs for some breakfast/lunch.

The clock on the microwave read 12:04 when I entered the room searching for some food. There wasn't a single thing that looked edible in the cabinets—pickled eggs and boxes of little prunes, really? I was seriously calling up my mother and demanding enough money to purchase my weight in Hot Pockets. I groaned in disgust at this whole shitty situation and yanked the olive-green refrigerator door open. There was a lot of food, but most of it was leftovers from the funeral. And I couldn't bring myself to eat that shit again.

I closed the refrigerator door and she was standing right there.

"Fuck, Bella," I exclaimed.

"Language, Edward," my grandma yelled from some other part of the house.

"Sorry," I said, but I didn't know which way to direct my voice.

Bella hadn't been here when I came downstairs. I didn't remember seeing her. Or my grandma, for that matter. And we hadn't made plans…that I remembered. It was possible that we did and I had just been too busy staring at her rack in that tiny bikini top to pay attention. I mean, fuck, she looked amazing—yesterday and right now, even though she was dressed plainly. I knew what was underneath. And it just made me want to bend her over the kitchen table and plow into her.

"Hey," I said. I sound suspicious, but only because I was. I believed that she had to have ulterior motives for wanting to hang out with me, though, in reality, I knew that I was the one with the fucked up motivation for being her friend. Still, she could be trying to use me too.

"Hi," she said, walking past me and opening up a cabinet. She grabbed a coffee mug and poured herself a cup from the pot that sat on the counter, the pot that I had failed to notice the entire time I had been here. Damn, how could I be so fucking unobservant?

"Did…Were we doing something today?" I asked feeling like an idiot. She bit her bottom lip.

"Nope, not that I'm aware of."

"Oh." Then why the fuck was she here? "Why are you here?"

She smiled at me. "I'm knitting with your grandma."

Really? "Why the f…French toast are you knitting? You live in Phoenix. It never gets cold here."

"That's not exactly true," she replied. Then she smiled. "Anyway, I was making you a scarf so that you don't get cold in Washington."

"Really?" That sounded just off-beat enough for it to be true. This girl was confusing. Well, most are, but especially this one.

"No," she said laughing at me. "But I can, if you really want one."

And then she just walked out of the room without waiting for an answer or a reply or anything. It annoyed the crap out of me. She was acting this way on purpose; I knew that she was. But that didn't keep me from wanting to nail her. Maybe if she wasn't allowed to talk. Surely, I could arrange that.

I gave up on breakfast and instead went into the living room. I plopped down on the old sofa that my grandma had probably had since my dad was a little kid. I found the remote and changed the channels trying to find something to watch that wasn't a soap opera or Jerry Springer. Nothing, so I gave in and started watching as angry couples threw chairs at each other and parents punched their children. And, instead of wondering what the world was coming to, I wondered if I could get Carlisle and me on this show, so that we could just battle it out for once.

I could take him.

I was sure that I could take him in a fight. But Esme was always, 'Stop it, boys' and 'Act like men and talk it out' and 'You'll ruin Carlisle's perfect, pretentious face.' God, I hated that man. He could go to hell for all I cared. He was a complete douche bag to me and he didn't even treat my mom that well.

Jerry Springer reminded me too much of my family, so I just turned off the television and laid on the couch in silence. I was so bored. I didn't have a car. I didn't have money. They had shut off my cell phone. And my grandma's computer was an IBM from like '86 and I doubted that the thing even had a color monitor, let alone internet. I was trapped in this town.

And I was bored out of my fucking mind.

The only interesting thing in this entire town was in there knitting a scarf even though she lived in fucking Phoenix. I wanted to find a brick wall and bang my head repeatedly against it until I blacked out. Hopefully when I woke up from the coma, summer would be over with.

"Edward, honey," my grandmas said. I opened my eyes.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Would you want to go grocery shopping today?"

Honestly, no, unless it meant that I got to buy whatever I wanted. I could probably be charming enough to win her over. Plus, I was bored as shit.

"Sure."

A few seconds later, Bella was standing next to the couch looking down on me. "Well, then, you need to get dressed. We're leaving in ten minutes."

And then she walked out of the house without another word. I sat in shock in the same spot, but I could hear my grandma laughing from down the hall. It took a few minutes, but I finally removed myself from the seat.

I dragged my butt upstairs and pulled on the first shirt I saw on the floor. I had worn it yesterday. Fuck. So I took it off and searched through my bag for something else to wear. I found another shirt and pulled it over my head. But then I didn't want to wear those fucking flip flops again, so I took off my shorts and put on jeans and then my Vans.

I found my wallet and sunglasses on the floor of the room. By this time, it looked like my suitcase had erupted in the bedroom. But it didn't matter. No one was ever up there except for me.

When I was walking down the stairs I heard a car honking and rolled my eyes. Really, Bella? As soon as I stepped outside, I yelled to her.

"What is your damage, Bella?" I laughed in my head about my _Heathers_ reference. Though, if Bella was Veronica, then that meant I was J.D.

"I said ten minutes. It's been fifteen," she replied through the passenger's side window. Her car was parked on the curb in front of my grandma's house.

"Don't be so anal," I replied. Bella scoffed and put the car into gear. "Really?" I asked as she rolled up the window, so that she couldn't hear me anymore.

She took her foot off the brake and the car started rolling. I would have to jog to get to it before she left. And I hadn't signed on an exercise regimen this summer, even though Coach Clapp would be pissed if I came back to school lazy and overweight.

I wasn't going to run after her. I wasn't going to chase a girl, any girl. And certainly not this one. She was a little mind fucker. And she enjoyed being one.

But she was going to the store. And I hadn't had a Hot Pocket in nearly a week. And pizza rolls. And sausage biscuits.

Fuck my pride.

I jogged down the block after the car and she slowly eased it to a stop, looking at me with disdain. I climbed into the passenger seat of her little black Prius—of course, she would have a Hybrid. Bella stared at me for several seconds.

"Put on your seat belt," she said, before easing off the brake.

"Why? Do you drive like a maniac?" I asked, still sitting there, not making any move to obey. This girl was not going to give me orders. Who did she think that she was?

Bella suddenly slammed on her brakes. And my head collided with the doorframe. "What the hell?" I screamed, pulling on the seatbelt so hard that I thought that I might rip it out.

Bella kept facing forward, not looking at me, not even flinching when I yelled. She continued driving as if nothing had happened. As if she hadn't just tried to kill me, because I wasn't going to listen to her.

She didn't say another word to me the entire drive to the store. And it pissed me off. She was going to be that petty about this whole thing? Food was my only motivating force at this point. I didn't care about Bella. She could do whatever the fuck she wanted as long as I got lunch.

We walked into the store and she got a cart and left it in front of me. I assumed this meant that I was supposed to push it. And I was through with her bitchy attitude, so I just pushed the damn thing.

Bella handed me a piece of paper. "This is the list your grandma gave me. Is there anything else that you want to add?" she asked quietly.

"Do you want me to just throw it in the cart whenever I see it?" I asked, trying to sound civil.

She nodded, all upset and aggravated still. "That's fine."

We went to the produce section and she started loading the cart up with things from the list. I followed behind her, pushing the cart. The tension was still there between us and it was obnoxious. Because, whether I wanted to admit it or not, she was pretty much my only hope of surviving the summer, so I needed to fix this mess and fast.

So, I did something that I almost never do. "Hey," I said grabbing Bella's elbow as she reached for a tomato and pulled her around to face me. "I'm sorry."

The words didn't want to leave my throat. I wasn't the only one at fault, and it felt like I was taking on all of the blame. But I stopped fighting it and just let the words come out. She must have noticed that it was a struggle.

She smiled softly. "I'm sorry too."

"I'm allergic to tomatoes," I said as she started to turn back around for the revolting fruit.

"Really?" she asked, lifting her eyebrows.

I shook my head. "No, but they're really gross, so that's the excuse we are giving my grandma for why we didn't buy them. I just thought that we should be on the same page."

She laughed, like a real laugh. "Okay, but that's the only fake allergy that we are making up. You're just going to have to suffer through everything else."

"Don't worry about me," I replied, pushing the cart next to her now. "I already have my entire meal plan for summer planned out."

"No," Bella exclaimed as I tried to put another box of Hot Pockets into the cart. She put up her arms to deflect it, but she was much too short to block my shot. I laughed as it landed among the other items. "No," she said again, pulling it from the cart and putting back into the little freezer.

"Why not?" I said, reaching for the door again. Bella put her entire body between me and the door, as if that could really keep me from getting to them. I took another step closer to her, leaving only a tiny gap of space between us.

"You are not getting another box of processed garbage. I already let you have pizza rolls, sausage biscuits—which aren't even made with real meat anyway—and a twenty pack of Ramen. That's not healthy at all."

I smiled. "But it tastes good."

Bella shivered, but I didn't know if it was because of our proximity or the fact that she was against the freezer door.

"I could make you food that tastes way better than that crap."

"Are you offering to make me dinner? Like a date? Bella, I never knew you were so forward?" Her hand came up and covered my mouth.

"Shut up for like five seconds, please." I did, but only because she said 'please.' "How about we make a deal? I'll make you dinner tomorrow and if it doesn't taste better than a Hot Pocket, then I will buy your entire supply for the summer."

Bella removed her hand. "What about if Hot Pockets lose?" I asked. I couldn't say, 'What happens if I lose' because I was going to win either way. I either got a bunch of my favorite foods or just a dinner with Bella. I could deal with that.

"Then that box," she pointed to the one in the cart, "is the last one you get for the rest of the summer."

I gasped. "No."

She nodded, bringing her lips dangerously close to mine. "Yes. So are you game?"

I took a deep breath and a step back. I needed to be rational when I made my decision. And inches away from kissing Bella was not where rational lived.

"Absolutely," I replied.

**Chapter 5: Your Love is Gonna Drown**

"Marching Bands of Manhattan" by Death Cab for Cutie

My breath was coming out in pants, shaky, unreliable, as she kissed her way along my jaw. Her back was pressed against the cold freezer door and her thin legs were clenched around my hips. She was unbelievably sexy, tantalizing, as she gasped against my skin with every thrust. Her fingernails dug into my shoulders and the pain only mixed with the absolute pleasure.

She was close; we were so close. "Edward," she whispered, looking at me directly in the eyes. And I swear that she never looked more beautiful than in that moment.

And then I woke up.

I was hot and sticky and not just because this was fucking hot-as-hell Phoenix. It was because of her. Everything about her drove me insane. Half the time I wanted to grab her, yell at her, and then have an angry fuck. The other half of the time I wanted to take her somewhere quiet and private and make love to her, gently and slowly because she deserved something amazing. When she wasn't pissing me off, she was making me hard.

I threw back my covers that looked like they hadn't moved since I fell into bed a little after three last night or this morning or whatever. I turned the cold knob on full-blast in the shower and slid out of my boxers. The temperature of the water was so cold that I yelped in surprise; I hadn't even known that cold truly existed in Arizona. The water stung as it hit my already tense body, but I suffered through it.

I stumbled back into my bedroom with my towel hanging around my waist. I checked the time on my phone—it's only useful function since Carlisle led the phone company, that fucker—and saw that it was only 9:30. 9:30 in the morning. My body hadn't seen 9:30 since school let out. Actually, it was before that, since I was suspended for the last week and missed all of my finals, which is why I ended up with a C in Calculus.

I pulled on clothes, not bothering to look too intently at whether they matched or were dirty. And then I sat down on my bed and wondered what people did in the morning. Breakfast, I guess.

I opened my bedroom door and started walking down the short hall that led to the stairs, the old wood creaking beneath my feet.

"Edward, is that you?" my grandma called from her bedroom.

"Yeah," I replied, exhausted and wide-awake at the same time.

"Come here. I need your help with something."

I walked into my grandma's room and saw a bunch of clothes covering her bed. They were all men's clothes. I assumed that they were my grandfather's. I barely remembered him, only had a few clear memories. The one that stuck out at that moment, while I stared at his clothes, was from the funeral.

I wasn't three; it was still before my birthday, but it was one of those rare, sunny days in Forks. We were standing out at the gravesite. And everyone else was saying that the sun was my dad's way of saying that we shouldn't be too sad or some shit like that. My grandpa was holding me—my mom was crying and I remember running out of her arms and latching on to him, like I knew or understood that dad was gone. He held me out and looked at me. Then he said, "Don't listen to them. The sun is shining because the world is cruel, refuses to even cry though my son is dead."

I remember the words so clearly. I don't remember the few days where my dad was in pain or lying in a hospital bed. I don't remember the actual funeral or the mourning thing at our house afterward. But I remember him saying that.

Or maybe my mind made it up to help me cope.

"What can I help you with?" I asked, feeling anxiety building up and trying my hardest to ignore it.

"I…It hurts too much to look at his stuff," she said quietly. I nodded.

My mom had gotten rid of my dad's stuff not too long after he died for the same reason. She completely erased him, excluding three stupid, little things that she gave me. I had treasured them as a child, still did, I guess. They were all I had of him and everything else in the entire house was Carlisle.

"You want me to help you pack it up?" I asked.

She nodded slowly. "I'm going to take it to Salvation Army or something. Although I don't know if anyone actually wears clothes like these." Then Grandma held up a purple button-up shirt that had been alive longer than I had. It was early eighties easily.

I laughed. "Some of it isn't that bad."

She looked at me in a challenging manner. "Like what?"

I studied the piles trying to find something to support my claim, but found nothing after my initial gaze. "I don't know," I said with a smile. "There's got to be something."

"Honey, I loved your grandfather, but that man had horrible fashion sense, except when I helped him out." She smiled wide, and it felt good to see that. "If you see anything you want, just take it."

I snorted. "Okay."

We went through each pile of clothes and carefully folded up each item so that it could be put in a black trash bag and hauled to the Salvation Army. My grandma was right. My grandfather couldn't dress himself. Excluding a few dress shirts, everything else was awful. I found a neon green t-shirt, just chilling out between the slacks.

In the very last pile, I saw something else that was presentable. "This is pimp."

She looked up at me with confusion. "What?"

I laughed. "Golly gee, isn't this swell." She tapped me on the back of the head.

"You're such a smart mouth." Grandma looked down at what I found. "Really? You like this?"

I held up blue and gray plaid blazer. It looked very sixties. "It's mod, right?" I asked.

She smiled at me with a surprised look on her face and nodded. "Yeah. It is. It's what he was wearing when we met in London in '65."

I sat down on the bed, holding the blazer. Her eyes got this far off look, dreamy almost. And I was sure that she was reliving it. She looked so happy. I didn't know if I'd ever seen anyone look that truly, honestly happy.

Sure, J was happy when Ali finally went down on him. And Ali was happy when he parents bought her a Porsche. Em was happy when Rose gave him the time of day after seventeen fucking years of pining. And Rose was never happy, so…

I wondered what it would be like to be that happy, to love someone for decades. I couldn't imagine loving someone for days. But, it worked, right? People stayed happy with other people for prolonged periods of time. It just didn't seem real.

"I want you to have it," she said.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"I need to give it to you now. When I die, James will be the one doing all of this and he doesn't know his head from his ass."

I didn't know if I was allowed to laugh at that statement, but I did anyway. It seemed that yet another person wasn't too fond of my uncle, and it was his own mother. I laughed and she smiled. And it felt like we were family, like we did have a connection of some sort.

"Tell me about your date tonight," she said out of nowhere. All laughter ceased on earth and in heaven.

"It's not a date. It's a bet," I replied, not wanting to talk about this at all and especially not with her.

She gave me a look that suggested that I was a lying liar who lies.

"She's making you dinner at her house. And the two of you will be alone. It's a date."

I groaned. "It's not. For it to be a date, we have to actually be able to stand one another. I'm not even sure if we're friends." I didn't know if we were just neighbors and she was taking pity on me. Or if my grandma was paying her. Or what.

"Edward, if you hurt her, I'm not letting you back in the house."

"What?" I exclaimed. She was going to kick me out. Where would I live? I was going to be stuck in this shithole _and_ homeless.

"I like Bella," my grandmother replied.

I scoffed. "As if to say, you don't like me." It kind of hurt that she didn't like me. I mean, I knew we weren't close, but, really?

"I love you, Edward. You're my grandson. But your parents did a number on you. And, no, I don't really like the kind of person that you are. You're selfish and spoiled, and I know that those things aren't entirely your fault, but you need to get over yourself." Ouch.

I just sat quietly as she continued.

"And Bella is a sweet girl. She's been around enough self-absorbed people in her life and she doesn't need another one. So if that's who you really are, then I suggest you just stay away from her."

I was pissed. "You are the one who suggested that I get involved with her." She was. At the funeral. She got mad that I hadn't made a move.

"Honestly, I thought that maybe she could help adjust your attitude, but she has already fallen for your bull. So, please do not hurt her."

"Did you ever think that maybe I didn't need to be fixed?" I asked. And then Bella's words fell out of my mouth. "Maybe I'm not broken."

My breathing was heavy from arguing and I felt so out of control at that moment. The room was quiet, save for the sounds of my pants as I struggled for air. The still was unnerving.

"Edward, you are my grandson. And I would never suggest that you are broken. But I do think that there are things in you that need to be changed if you want to have a decent future," she said quietly.

Fuck this. I wanted to leave. I wanted to be gone.

And, yet, she was the only person who had even bothered to tell me this much. It's like she actually cared, in some fucked up way. My friends would have accepted me no matter how fucked up I was. But you would think that my parents would have said something, instead of just shipping me to someone who would.

"I'm going back to bed," I said and then walked out.

I took the blazer and laid it on top of my suitcase. I searched around the floor for my iPod, the one piece of technology that my parents hadn't stolen or made useless. Then I climbed on top of all of the blankets, not bothering to disrobe.

I doubted that I would be sleeping at all anyway. I was awake. Alert. Angry. Sleep didn't really seem like a viable option.

I closed my eyes and let the music wash over me like waves, cleansing, refreshing, erasing. I was so oblivious to the door opening, of her arrival until she sat down on the bed beside me. The bed made a subtle shift and I opened my eyes. And then I turned off my music.

And before she could even open her mouth to say hi, mine had already blurted out words. "Maybe we shouldn't do this."

She lifted her eyebrow at me curiously. "Dinner or sitting on your bed?" Or being friends?"

"All of it," I replied before I could chicken out, before I could actually think about the consequences of my actions.

Bella nudged me over and lay down beside me. She stared up at the ceiling, not meeting my eyes or saying anything for a really long time. It felt like a really long time, at least. And it was only then that I was able to dissect my words. If we weren't friends, I was alone. I hadn't been really alone for a while.

"Why?" she finally asked.

"I'm a fuck up, remember? I'm just going to end up hurting you."

Bella scoffed and turned over on her side, staring at me. "That's such a cop out, Edward. You think that maybe you might hurt me, so you aren't even going to try. I thought that you said that you wanted to live a little and actually enjoy life."

It wasn't that fucking easy. It was fucking hard to just be happy. It was like a mirage in the desert; every time that I thought that I had found it, it kept disappearing behind the dunes of sand. It was always fleeting and fake.

"Bella," I whispered. I was torn. Give up Bella and be miserable. Be friends with Bella and make both of us miserable and, maybe, happy.

"Just dinner," she said just as quietly. "At least, let's settle the bet. After that, it's up to you. I can go visit my dad or something, if that will help."

"Okay," I replied.

Bella sat up on the bed. Quickly, she pressed her lips to mine. It was so quick that I thought I imagined it. And then she darted out of the room.

**Chapter 6: It Takes One To Know One, Kid**

"Lua" by Bright Eyes

I could barely breathe when I heard a soft knock on the door. There wasn't any doubt who it was; it had to be Edward. It was only a few hours ago that he had tried to get out of dinner, out of our pseudo-friendship, whatever it was. I still didn't know what I expected out of him—companionship, friendship, a relationship.

The last one was definitely a pipe dream. We had known each other a few days and we bickered about everything. Sometimes I couldn't even be in same room with him without wanting to choke the life out of him. But maybe that was just a weird byproduct of how much I lusted after him.

I spent the hours after kissing him in his bedroom after he tried to end our friendship in the kitchen preparing his dinner. How completely messed up is that? Because I honestly believe that it is completely fucked up and at the same time completely normal for our weird friendship thing.

I went with a recipe that I had seen in _GQ_, because it was already guy-approved. And, honestly, I hadn't had anything at all in mind when I made that bet with him. I wasn't even sure if I could win, because that kid obviously liked his processed food. If he didn't like the food, then I was going to have to spend all of the money I had saved up to get away from my mother on Hot Pockets.

When the food was nearly done, I ran upstairs to change. I couldn't wear the clothes that he had seen me in earlier. I mean, technically I could, but I didn't want to. And I didn't want him to end our friendship, because, regardless of the fighting and the tension, he intrigued me. He always seemed so aloof and above life, but it felt like there was something bubbling right beneath the surface, and I couldn't figure out what. And there's nothing like a good mystery to keep a girl up at night.

I reached into the back of the closet to find all of the clothes that Renee had purchased in order to make me more desirable to my male peers. Most of them looked like they were better suited for women who take their clothes off for a living. There was a cute shirt though that wasn't too low cut. I slipped it on and pulled on a skirt, not too short or too long.

Then I went back downstairs to check on the food. And that's when I heard his knock.

My heart was thundering in my chest. And I didn't know why I was so nervous because it was just him. It was just Edward. But this moment felt really important.

I pulled open the door and, god, he just stood there looking all perfect and…ugh. I wanted to jump him, but that was highly inappropriate. So, I just stepped out of the way and let him come in.

He looked like he was wearing clean clothes, or, at the very least, they were dirty clothes that I hadn't seen yet. Edward didn't exactly appear to be the kind of guy who knew how to do his own laundry. His clothes were basic—blue jeans and a t-shirt—but he wore them better and with more confidence than any other person that I had ever seen.

"Hi," I finally managed to say after ogling him for far too long. He smiled this adorable crooked grin and ran his fingers through his hair, the hair that looked like sex every single time I had seen him.

"Hey. It smells good."

"Thanks. It should be almost done." I walked toward the kitchen and he followed behind me.

While I removed the pork from the pan, he sat at the table and watched me. I could feel his eyes on me the entire time, but I tried to ignore the feeling. I turned the heat up and let the juices in the roasting pan simmer. The aroma was mouth-watering. If the pork tenderloin tasted anywhere as good as it smelled, then I would easily when the bet. His wary smile suggested that he thought so too.

Suddenly, she burst through the front door the way that she always did. Renee was never one for a quiet entrance. She needed everyone present to know that she had arrived. I didn't even look up from the food. She couldn't see us from the living room. There was no point in reacting.

"That smells so good, Bella. I hope you made enough for me," she yelled as she stumbled up the stairs.

I looked up and Edward was standing in a defensive stance. "Who was that?" he asked quietly.

"My mother. It looks like she decided to end her three day weekend after seven days. That might be a new record for her," I replied dryly. She always did this. She always got swept off of her feet by various men and took off into the sunset, at least for awhile.

"She scared the shit out of me," he replied, laughing to himself.

"Yeah, she has that reaction on some," I said. And then I sighed. She was staying for dinner. My dinner. With Edward. Fuck, Edward. "Tell her that you are sixteen," I said firmly, hoping that he wouldn't argue and just do it.

"But…I'm not," he replied.

"Just, please," I said desperately. Edward stared at me curiously, obviously confused.

"I'm seventeen, Bella, almost eighteen. Why do you want me to lie to your mother?"

I groaned. "Now is not the time for you to become all virtuous and honest with parents. Please tell her that you are sixteen, because I really don't think that I could deal with you becoming my new stepdad."

He started laughing. He thought I was joking. But this was definitely no joke. My mother dated all men. She loved all men, even if some of them were barely older than I was. The one that she had left for the weekend with was in my homeroom.

When he noticed that I was completely straight-faced, he stopped laughing. "I don't understand. Are you being serious?"

"Completely," I replied with a sigh. She was everything that I wasn't—beautiful and witty and charming and wild. She attracted guys like nobody's business. Every guy fell in love with her. Edward would soon too, and I just couldn't compete with that.

Did I want to compete? Did I want Edward?

"Bella," Edward said as he took a step closer to me. "I…"

But then we heard footsteps on the stairs and he never finished. My mother came into the kitchen and gasped in surprise. She smiled wide at Edward and stared. And I wanted to take the huge knife that I was using to cut the meat and stab my own mother. I was completely deranged.

"Bella, you didn't tell me that you had a friend over," she said, emphasizing the word 'friend.' Renee was probably having a cow. Yes, not only did I have a friend, he was a guy and one that inspired dirty fantasies in women of all ages.

"Yeah, Mom. This is Edward. He's visiting for the summer," I said a little unenthusiastically.

She held out her hand to shake his. "Hello, Edward. I'm Renee."

"Hi," he said quietly. I could tell that he felt awkward.

"Where are you visiting from, Edward?" she asked and gestured that they should sit down at the table and talk, while I played Cinderella. Next she would have me sweeping the chimney, while she made out with Edward.

"Washington," he replied, still wary.

Renee lit up. "I lived in Washington for most of my life," she said.

"Yeah, and you said that you hated it. It rained too much. It was too green. It was dreary and depressing." The words came out before I could stop them. Renee was glaring at me like I had just stolen her puppy and Edward was trying to hold back a smile. God, when did I get so possessive of him? He wasn't mine to possess.

"Well, it had its good moments and its bad," she recovered. "So, how old are you, Edward?"

I started choking and coughing. And Edward jumped up from the table and over to me. He patted me on the back a couple of times. "Are you okay, B?"

I'm sure that it was all for show, but he rubbed his hand along my back soothingly. "Yeah, E, I'm fine. And the food's ready."

I got out plates and told him to put the polenta on the plate and then the pork tenderloin. He spooned the sauce on next. And then he waited until I made mine, before carrying them both to the table. I was caught off-guard by the surprisingly sweet gesture.

"There's still a little left over, if you want some, Mom," I said as I took the seat next to Edward.

And, of course, she did. Renee made her plate and then took her seat across from him. For a few seconds, there was awkward silence as we all sat there not eating and not talking.

I looked at Edward and smiled. "You remember our deal?" I asked.

He nodded slowly. "I think Hot Pockets lost," he said sadly.

"You haven't even taken a bite yet." I laughed lightly, while my mother sat there still out of the loop; it's where she deserved to be.

"I know," he replied. "But it looks and smells so damn good."

I rolled my eyes and started to cut the meat so that I could take a bite. Edward did the same. He brought his fork to his mouth. I watched as his eyes closed and a small moan escaped his lips. Most amazing sound I have ever heard in my life.

After he swallowed the bite, he looked at me in amazement and, in an absolutely serious tone, said, "Will you marry me?"

I burst out laughing. "I think that Hot Pockets lost."

"Bella, I'm being serious. Will you marry me?" he asked again, smirking.

He alleged that he wasn't joking, but his smile said otherwise. "All it takes to make you fall in love with me is one bite of dinner?"

"You joke, but that's only because you haven't taken a bite yet," he replied, taking another bite.

I brought my fork to my mouth. And, yes, it was amazing. It was better than I could have hoped for it to turn out.

I smiled. "You're right. It's so good that I want to marry me."

Renee finally spoke up again. "It's delicious, Bella. God knows that you didn't get your cooking skills from me."

"Food Network," I replied casually.

Renee ate quickly and left us alone in the kitchen, for which I was very grateful, because I couldn't tell if Edward was being all touchy and flirty because of Renee or because of me. The boy confused me enough as it was. I didn't think that I could handle anymore complications in our friendship.

"Thank you for making me dinner," he said. "It's incredible."

I bit my bottom lip anxiously. "Thanks. I'm glad that you liked it."

I stood up and took my plate to the sink and rinsed it off. Then I placed it in the dishwasher. He was right there beside me, doing exactly what I did. I was sure he had never washed a plate in his life. Edward just didn't seem very domesticated.

"Hey," he said, so I turned to face him. "You know that I'm going to starve now not that I can't have Hot Pockets." I rolled my eyes and brushed past him.

"You're not going to starve," I replied.

"I might." I snorted and walked into the living room. I sat down on the floor in front of the couch with my back against it. And he came up and sat beside me, even though the rest of the furniture was entirely empty.

"I'm not making you dinner every day," I said sternly. I had failed to consider that by cooking for him once, he might become accustomed to it.

He sighed. "I'm not asking you to. I'm asking if you'll teach me how to cook, just basic crap, so that I can feed myself."

I turned to look at him and he was pouting his bottom lips out slightly. And, god, I knew at that moment how he hadn't gotten this far in life without having to clean or cook or do anything on his own. He looked so fucking adorable that, had he asked, I would have done anything he wanted. Anything.

"Fine," I said, groaning loudly to keep myself from moaning.

He smiled victoriously. Then he looked down and ran his fingers through his hair, pulling on it so that it was standing straight up. "So, about earlier," he said, taking a breath.

"Which earlier?" I replied, fidgeting in my spot on the floor.

"About your mom," he replied. And I was thankful that it wasn't about the kiss, because I really didn't know how to explain that one. It was an impulse and I acted on it.

"What about her?"

Edward turned his entire body so that he was facing me. "I don't know why you were so worried about her. Or about me and her. Whatever." I shrugged and looked at the floor. "Yes, she's beautiful, but…"

He stopped and sighed loudly.

"But what?" I asked.

It was silent for the few seconds between my question and his answer. "She's beautiful, but you are so much more."

I closed my eyes. "You're just saying that, so that I'll sleep with you."

"Fuck, Bella," he sighed. "I'm not."

"I don't know how to believe you," I replied honestly. He was the first guy, excluding family, who had said that I was beautiful. He already said that he wanted to corrupt me. I mean, honestly, what was I supposed to think?

"Why did you kiss me?" he asked.

"I don't know," I replied.

Edward stood up and started pacing. "And you say that I'm the one that is always copping out, Bella. That was the worst cop-out I've ever heard." Suddenly, he knelt down in front of me and lifted my chin. I was staring straight into those enigmatic green eyes. "Why did you kiss me?"

And, fuck, I couldn't control myself.

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him again.

**Chapter 7: A Lost Cause, A Long Shot**

"A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me" by Fall Out Boy

I was awoken the next morning by someone plopping down on my bed. They tried to steal my blankets from me, but that wasn't happening. I clung to them tighter and pulled them up over my head. This was not the way that I wanted to wake up.

"Get your ass off my bed. I'm trying to sleep," I replied angrily, not caring who the culprit was. I was pissed regardless of the person.

The bed shifted slightly as someone got up. I heard light footsteps across the floor. "Too bad," she said sounding completely evil. "We were going to have French toast for breakfast."

And seconds later, my fucking stomach growled. Fuck it. I didn't care how early it was. I was hungry.

I groaned. "Give me ten minutes. I'll be at your house," I replied as I pulled the blankets from back over my head. Bella was standing in the doorway smirking at me. Evil, little temptress.

"See you soon," she said and walked out of my room, shutting the door behind her.

This girl was driving me fucking insane. I was almost willing to wager Carlisle's liquor cabinet on the claim that she wasn't exactly right in the head. She was shy and bashful, then she was all confident and sexy. She acts like she hates me; she acts really jealous. I try to be nice and not hurt her and she practically begs me to. And then she fucking kisses me. Twice. And refuses to explain why.

And the part of my brain that is screaming, "holy hell, just sit back and enjoy this," is being overrun by the part of my brain that doesn't want to be homeless.

I climbed out of bed and got dressed as quickly as I could because I didn't want another repeat of the trip to the grocery store. I really didn't feel like apologizing for being a self-centered jackass again. So, I pulled out the last few articles of clothing from my suitcase and put them on before realizing that they were way too dressy for breakfast. And then I took them back off and found black shorts and a t-shirt.

I didn't even touch my hair. But I found my Ray-Ban's. And, reluctantly, I put on flip flops and walked over to her house.

The door was unlocked, so I walked straight into the kitchen. She was sitting at the table waiting for me. I looked around the room and there was definitely no food prepared. This was a trick, a trap. I could feel it, but I was frozen in place.

"Time for your first cooking lesson," she said.

I looked at the clock on the microwave. 8:27. Fuck no.

"You said there would be French toast," I replied, taking off my sunglasses. It was too early for me to come up with a more strongly-worded argument.

"There will be. Just as soon as you make it."

No. No. No. Hell no. She really didn't know what she was getting herself into.

"I don't know how to make it." Again, my brain couldn't verbalize all of my strong and well thought out replies.

"That's what I assumed. Come on, I'll help you make it."

I stared at her for a long time without talking. My eyes kept rolling back in my head because I was so damn tired. I was worried that I would fall asleep standing up.

"How about we reschedule this for about 12:30," I finally said. She rolled her eyes.

"Whether you believe it or not, my entire life doesn't revolve around you, Edward. I'm busy later. So, it's now or never. Your choice. I'll give you a few minutes to think about it," she said before walking out of the kitchen. I heard her walking up the stairs.

Damn it. I was being a self-absorbed bastard again. Fuck.

I walked over to the kitchen cabinets and started looking for coffee mugs. I poured us both a cup from the pot on the counter. I figured that it should work as an apologetic gesture. At least, I hoped so, because I hated asking for forgiveness.

I heard footsteps on the stairs and got ready to be all charming and not a jackass. But the woman that walked into the kitchen was neither the one I expected nor wanted. Bella's mom gasped in surprise when she saw me.

She was wearing this tiny little nightgown that was practically see-through. But she didn't care. She pretended to be embarrassed, but then shrugged it off and walked closer to me.

And, fuck, I had to think of my grandmother and prison showers and that weird fungus that Jasper got when we went on vacation to Cabo last summer to keep myself from reacting. This was a fucked up situation. Under any other circumstances, I would have been really happy to have someone's hot mother practically throwing herself at me. But, for some reason that I didn't understand, I wanted Bella.

I wanted the girl who blushed when she was embarrassed. And stared at my body when she thought I wasn't looking. And the one who pissed me off just because she could. The girl who wouldn't put up with my shit. The girl who cared about what I ate. Or let me brood about how fucked up my life was. I wanted the unbelievably sexy girl who was the only person I had ever apologized to. And I didn't want to screw things up with her, so that I had to apologize again.

I looked at Renee's face. "Good morning. Do you want me to pour you a cup of coffee?"

She smiled brightly. "I can just take that one," she pointed to the cup on the counter next to me.

"Actually, that one is Bella's, but I can always get you one your own."

Her lips tightened into a straight line, but she nodded. "You didn't sleep over last night, did you? Those weren't the clothes you were wearing at dinner."

My hand tightened around the handle of my coffee mug. Was she really asking me this? Did she want to know if I was sleeping with her daughter? If I said yes, would it even matter to her? "No, but Bella is going to teach me how to make breakfast, so I came over."

Renee played with her hair a little bit. And I concentrated on her face. I was going to behave if it was the last thing I did. "How long have you known Bella?"

I shrugged. "Not that long. But, god, there's something about her, you know?" I was actually fairly certain that she didn't know. She didn't know that she had an amazing and possibly insane daughter.

"Yeah," she replied in a bored tone. "So, how old did you say you were again? Because you seem very mature."

It was too early in the morning for this shit. I laughed, and her brow furrowed in confusion.

"He's seventeen, Mom. His birthday is next week," Bella said as she walked into the room. She stood next to me in a defensive stance and I just handed her the cup of coffee. She smiled appreciatively at me. "Thanks," she whispered.

"You'll be eighteen next week?" Renee asked. "Do you have any birthday plans?"

I didn't. And I doubted very much that my parents would do anything for me. This was supposed to be punishment, and thus far it had been.

"Yeah," Bella said surprising me. I took a sip of my coffee. "I'm going to bake a cake and then blow him."

All the coffee in my mouth ended up on the kitchen floor.

Bella giggled, that evil tone in her voice again. "No, baby. You're supposed to swallow."

And, oh god, at that moment I knew that I was going to hell, because all I could think about was Bella on her knees in front of me.

I think I might have been blushing. And I never blush. Never. But, god, there was just something highly inappropriate about this whole conversation.

Renee stared at us both in shock. Her jaw dropped. And I grabbed paper towels from the counter and started to wipe down the floor, which was covered with the coffee that had once been in my mouth.

"Bella," Renee said warily.

She sighed angrily. "What, Mom? Was that not appropriate to say to someone I've know a week? Or are you upset because you wanted to give him the same gift?"

I just kept my head down and pretended that the floor needed more drying. My eyes were glued to the kitchen tile. I didn't want to see how this thing was going to go down.

"Bella, I'm your mother. Show some respect."

Oh, shit. I could feel Bella's fury radiating off of her. I didn't even need to look at her to know that she was going to go off.

"You're my mom? Since when? You are never home. I'm the one that makes sure the bills get paid, that we have groceries to eat, that the house is clean. Out of the two of us, I'm the mom."

Renee turned and stomped out of the room, making sure to bang things around to let us know that she was upset. This didn't really help her claim that she was the mother, the responsible one. Bella was the one who stood there calmly.

She put up with so much crap from her mom. And she really didn't need that from me. Maybe Grandma was right. I either needed to not be a complete douche bag to her all the time or leave her alone. And I really didn't think that I could just leave her alone, especially once I heard about my birthday present.

Honestly, I knew that it wasn't going to happen. And, if she tried it, I would probably stop her. The stupid part of my brain that knew that I actually respected her wouldn't allow it to happen, which royally sucked.

"Edward, get up," she said. Bella sounded exhausted and unhappy, so I obeyed immediately without arguing or mentally commenting about how she couldn't order me around. "Let's go," she said.

"Where are we going?" I asked as she left the kitchen. She grabbed the keys that hung by the front door. And I just kept following her.

"I just have to get out of this house," she replied, as she slid into the driver's side of her Prius. I ran around the car and jumped into the passenger's seat. "Plus, I promised you breakfast. We can go to IHOP or something."

"You don't have to do that," I replied, trying to make the situation better but not knowing how.

"Yeah, well, I want to."

She pulled out of the driveway and started driving down the street. I had no clue where we were going, but I knew that Bella did. So, I sat back and suffered through the uneasy, tense silence that enveloped the vehicle. I just watched her. Not once did her face ever smooth out.

My mind replied the events of the morning and I wondered what I could have done differently to make them end differently. I could have been nicer when Bella came to wake me up instead of a dick. I could have not complained. I could have not tried to reschedule. Bella only left me alone because I was being a jackass. And that's when the whole Renee debacle happened. I wanted to somehow go back and fix this, so that she wasn't so miserable.

I wanted to do something to make her happy. I hadn't really ever cared much about anyone else's happiness. But hers mattered to me.

We pulled into IHOP and she darted out of the car quickly. I had to climb out and run to catch up with her. When I finally did, we were already in the restaurant. I had an impulse, so I acted on it, hoping that she wouldn't swat me away or kill me with a butter knife.

I put my arm around her and pulled her close to me. Her arms were folded defiantly over her chest, but she didn't pull away. I leaned down and kissed her temple.

"Don't be sweet," she muttered.

"What?" I asked. What did she mean? Was she mad at me for causing this morning? I could certainly understand it if she was.

She swallowed hard and her eyes filled with tears. "Please, don't be nice to me right now, because I'm going to have a breakdown."

"Two," the hostess said and I nodded. She led us to a little booth in the back. And I kept my arm around Bella, because I couldn't bring myself to let her go.

I slid into the booth and pulled her down beside me. And she didn't even bother fighting me. I think that she was too upset to at this point. When the hostess left, Bella leaned even further into me, burying her face in my shirt. Her tears began to wet the thin fabric.

When the waitress approached the table I waved her off.

"I hate her," Bella said quietly. "I know that's a horrible thing to say, but it's true."

I rubbed my fingers along her spine, up and down, until all the tears stopped. Bella pulled away slightly and wiped the tears from her eyes. And then she kissed me on the cheek.

"Thank you," she said. "For…everything."

I smiled a tiny bit. "You put up with me and I'm a complete jackass. You just cried a little bit. It's not a big deal."

"It is. It really is."


	2. Part 2

**Chapter 8: Good Man**

"Good Man" by Josh Ritter

"Edward," a voice said quietly, gently tapping on my shoulder.

My entire body felt stiff, like I hadn't moved in decades, centuries. Her fingers felt cool on my forehead as she brushed my sweaty hair back. She had awakened me and I prayed that there was a good reason, because I wasn't exactly pleasant in the morning. Yelling at her would ruin my plan to not be a complete douche bag.

"Mmm," I replied in lieu of words.

"Go sleep in your bed. I can stay down here," she said.

Ugh. We had been over this multiple times since Friday. Bella hadn't been ready to face her mother after the incident that morning, so she packed up a bag while Renee was at work and she came to stay with my grandma. She had said that she would just sleep on the couch for the night, but I said that she could just have my bed and I'd sleep on the couch. I thought that it was a good plan, because I came out looking like a decent guy.

But Bella had fought me on it. She said that she was imposing and didn't want to be a nuisance, so I, in keeping with my charming nature, snapped and said that if she didn't want to be a nuisance that she should just take the damn bed without comment. Then I had to apologize again. This happened Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. It was Monday morning now and she was still fighting me on it. The damn girl couldn't even accept me trying to be nice.

The weekend with her and my grandma was weird, because, for the most part, I liked how Bella and I were, excluding the jackass-ery and mind-fucking. But we couldn't really be that way around my grandma, at least I couldn't. I was already sleeping on the couch. I didn't want to be sleeping outside on the porch. We did stupid shit. We played Uno and made a card house, which I knocked down when Bella pissed me off. And then she yelled at me and hid in my bedroom for half an hour. I found her curled up, listening to my iPod on the bed. Sunday, she finally taught me how to make French toast; it was surprisingly easy and delicious. But we argued the entire time.

"Uh. Just go sleep, B. It's too early to argue about this shit."

"I'm going to keep talking to you until you go upstairs," she threatened. One thing I had learned about Bella was that she kept good on her threats. She was the most stubborn little brat when it came to getting what she really wanted.

"God, Bella. Fine, but you're coming with me to make sure that I don't fall asleep while walking up the stairs, slip, and die."

I grabbed my pillow with one hand and put my other around Bella so that she could help me walk. I was so fucking tired. The couch was uncomfortable and it had taken me hours to fall asleep on it. I had finally fallen asleep when fucking Sunrise Sally came and woke me up. I was not a morning person by anyone's definition, but Bella always woke up at the crack of dawn.

The trek upstairs was a long and dangerous one. I stumbled over two stairs because I was so tired that I could barely move my feet. Bella tripped over three stairs because she is clumsy as hell. It would have been endearing if it wasn't putting both of our lives in jeopardy.

I fell into my bed without letting go of Bella. She struggled against my grip, but even exhausted I was stronger than her. "Bella, just fucking sleep. I'm not going to try anything; I'm too tired to try anything."

"Fine." She gave up squirming and turned over. She stared at my face so intently. I had to close my eyes to escape her gaze.

"Oh, and if my grandma asks, this was your idea."

The last sound I remember hearing before I fell back asleep was Bella's quiet laughter.

I awoke again and I knew that somebody was in my bed with me, but I could not remember why for anything. I had been lying on the couch watching infomercials at 3:30. And I remember being really close to being asleep. Then it all came flooding back. Bella.

"Mm," I mumbled as I turned over, keeping my eyes closed.

"Good morning," she said quietly, her voice still groggy.

"I knew that I shouldn't have had that third glass of Sunny D last night," I replied.

Her reply was snorting and hitting my shoulder.

I finally opened my eyes and looked at her. She looked so sexy. Usually when I saw her every morning, she had already been awake for hours. Her hair was done perfectly and the little bit of makeup she wore had already been applied. And she looked amazing like that, but I think she looked better like this. Her brown hair was poofy and chaotic. Her eyes were bright, incandescent. And her cheeks were blushed a soft pink.

"How'd you sleep?" I asked, not knowing what else to say. I had made it a practice to not ever have to wake up next to a girl the next morning. I was always a get in and get out sort of guy. And I had never been awkward with girls post-coitus, but lying in bed with Bella when nothing happened kind of freaked me out.

We had kissed twice, both which she initiated and both were completely chaste. And I had put my arm around her. And that's pretty much the extent of our physical relationship. I had wanted her in my bed from the moment I had seen her, but now I was such a pussy and couldn't even make a move on her. She was in my bed, looking like a sex goddess and I was nervous.

"Not very well actually," Bella replied.

"Why not?"

"Honestly," she said as she bit her bottom lip. Oh, fuck, so sexy. "Because I knew that you were next to me." Her cheeks flushed with color again.

I didn't know what to say. What was the proper response? So, I blurted out the first thing that I could think of, sure that I would regret it later. "Really? Because I slept better knowing that you were next to me." It sounded like such a line. She was going to call me on it and I'd be sleeping on the couch forever, even if it was true.

Instead, she just smiled wide and shook her head at me.

"What's on the agenda for today?" I asked.

She sighed. "I have to go talk to my mother sometime today and tell her that I didn't mean all of the things that I really did mean. She always says that I'm not pretty or funny enough to get a boyfriend and I said that she's not responsible or mature enough to be a good mother. Payback's a bitch, and, apparently, so am I."

There was so much about her statement that I wanted to comment on that I didn't even know where to begin.

"To call you pretty, would be an insult," I said quietly. Her mother was a horrible woman. I didn't understand how anyone could say those things to Bella or treat her badly. I mean, I was a dick, but this woman was like Satan compared to what I said and did. She was malicious. "Even beautiful doesn't cover it." I place a strand of her hair behind her ear.

And everything felt really heavy after I said that.

"Tell me something true," Bella said softly.

"You're beautiful." She smiled.

"No, tell me something about you."

"I think you're beautiful," I replied. Bella groaned loudly in frustration.

"God, something that you are constantly thinking about, but never say aloud, for whatever reason."

I swallowed and tried to think of something that actually fit the criteria. And when I did, I didn't know if I wanted to actually say it out loud. There was a very good reason why I had been silent about this.

I set my jaw unconsciously and my hands clenched into fists. Bella reached up and brushed her fingers along my cheek bone. I looked into her eyes. And I knew that I was going to fucking tell her, so I groaned and just let it happen.

"I don't remember my dad. I try to concentrate, to focus on a memory, but it's just…nothing." She didn't say anything, just let me keep talking. "And my mom never talks about him. It's like I'm the only proof that he was even alive. And that blows. He deserves better than that."

"You're right," she whispered. "He does."

She leaned up and kissed me again. And this time I wasn't worrying about why. I just let her lips move gently against mine.

"I'm sorry you can't remember him."

"Me too," I said.

BPOV

"No," he said for the hundredth time. God, he was so stubborn. I just wanted to knock some sense into him.

"Oh my gosh, I swear that I'm just going to go freaking apologize to my mother and move back into the house. I can't deal with you anymore."

I started to walk out of the kitchen, but he grabbed my arm. "Fine. I won't complain anymore. What do you need me to do?"

I turned around and folded my arms. We had already done this song and dance three times today. He would be as annoying as crap; I'd threaten to leave. And then he'd promise to be nicer. If I had been strong enough to resist his adorable pout then I would have been able to just make his birthday cake in the quiet of my own home.

But his birthday was tomorrow and he still wasn't willing to let me go back home. I don't know how. We fought all the time. Honestly, we couldn't get through a simple task without someone being called "insane" and "psychotic" and "annoying as hell." Making the bed this morning took forty-five minutes. And breakfast took an hour and a half. I wasn't sure why we put up with one another. I really didn't.

Edward pouted out his bottom lip and I sighed in surrender. "Get two eggs out of the refrigerator."

I was making him a cake from scratch. He insisted that he didn't even know it was possible to make a cake unless it came in a little box. And when I started to tell him about it, he flipped out saying that it was too much work. I had never asked for his help; I had planned on making it myself, but he wouldn't just go watch Jerry Springer and let me be.

It took about thirty minutes of arguing to get his cake in the fucking oven. I tried to lie to him and tell him that was it, but he wasn't buying it. He insisted that it was a birthday cake and there had to be frosting.

Edward hopped up on the counter, while I was washing dishes and mentioned the word 'frosting' eighteen times in one sentence. I was going to make it when he left the room. But he wouldn't leave. He followed me around the kitchen and kept asking about it. He was like a fucking five year old.

"Fine," I said giving in.

He found a stainless steel bowl in the cabinet. I added the butter, sugar and salt into the bowl and let him use the mixer to cream it. I poured in the milk and a little bit of cocoa. He smiled happily as it transformed into the consistency of cake frosting. I was so busy staring at his adorable smile that I didn't even notice that he lifted the mixer up, until we both had frosting splattered on us.

His eyes got wide for a few seconds in panic. I was sure he thought I was going to go off again. But I burst out laughing.

"You are covered in frosting," I said to him. He had it in his hair, all over his forearms, and a little bit on his face.

"So are you," he replied, finally smiling when he realized that I wasn't angry.

I put my hands on his cheeks and stood up on my tiptoes. I licked the little bit of frosting that was by his mouth. "Mmm. It tastes good," I said.

Edward leaned down and kissed my neck. It was the first time that he had actually attempted to kiss me. I was the one who always kissed him. I felt as his tongue darted out briefly, heating the sensitive skin. "You're right. It's very good frosting."

And then he walked toward the sink to wash up as if nothing had happened, while I had to lean against the fridge to keep myself upright. I wondered if that's what my teasing kisses did to him. Well, no more.

He was annoying as fuck. And most of the time he was a complete asshole, but I knew it was all a cover. He was sweet and thoughtful and caring and sexy. And he would break my heart. I had no doubt about that. But a month and a half with him was better than a day without him, even if we fought the entire time.

And I knew I had to tell him that.

**Chapter 9: I Fell So Fast**

"Colly Strings" by Manchester Orchestra.

The first thing that I noticed was that she wasn't there when I woke up. And I realized that I had not only expected her to be, but I wanted her to be there. But I didn't know what to do with that self-realization.

We had pretended that I was going to sleep on the couch again at dinner, while my grandma was there. But when she went to bed at ten, Bella and I were still sitting on the couch watching some horror movie from the fifties. It was so campy and hilarious. And she kept angling her body toward me and leaning against my shoulder. I knew exactly what she wanted, but I wanted her to tell me.

Maybe that was cruel, but she needed to stop assuming that I knew what went on in her screwed up head and just talk to me. And she never did, so I never put my arm around her, even though I had wanted to hold her against me too.

After the movie, we walked up the stairs together. She was nervous and anxious. I could tell. She was fucking redder than a tomato and her hands were fidgeting. Plus, she wasn't paying attention to the fact that there were stairs on the staircase and I had to catch her before she fell to her death.

That's not to say that I wasn't nervous. I was a fucking mess. I clearly knew all of the things that weren't going to happen while we were in bed together, but that didn't stop me from fantasizing about them. And that definitely didn't help the situation. It was a small bed and we pretty much had to touch one another to both fit.

But this was new to me. And I assumed that it wasn't exactly standard procedure for her either. I went into the bathroom and changed into black shorts, since wearing just boxers was out. When I came back into the room, she was wearing these short little shorts and a tank top. And god, that was so not helping.

Prison showers. My grandma. STDs. Coach Clapp.

I created the mental images over and over again as I climbed into the bed and tried not to look at her too much. She blushed and got in bed next to me. We both stayed as far apart as possible, trying not to invade the other's space, though we desperately wanted to. At least I did.

"Fuck it," I muttered and put my arm across Bella's stomach and pulled her across the bed so that her back was against my chest.

One of her hands ran slowly up and down the arm that was around her waist.

And that's how we fell asleep. But she wasn't there when I awoke. And I wondered if it had all been a dream, if this was my first day in Phoenix and everything else hadn't been real.

"Edward," my grandma yelled from down stairs. "Your mother is on the phone for you."

I pulled my ass out of bed, even though I wanted to ask my grandma to kindly tell Esme that she could go to hell. There was already tension between my mom and my dad's family, because she had remarried so soon after his death and because I wasn't allowed to see them while growing up. I didn't want to add to that. I stumbled down the steps and went into the kitchen to get the phone. Grandma still hadn't upgraded to wireless.

"Hello," I said as I tried to sound as bored and disinterested as humanly possible.

"Edward," my mom said, sounding cheerful and not like a back-stabbing bitch who let her dictator husband send me away. "Happy birthday, son."

"You know what would be a great birthday present? Not having parents who are fucking idiots. Or maybe just my cell phone working again so that I can explain to my friends why I can't go to Cancun with them."

She sighed into the phone. "Your father already informed them that you wouldn't be going."

"That man," I said angrily, "is not my fucking father. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that."

"He's raised you since you were three," she replied firmly, as if that was a good enough reason.

I sighed and just ignored her. "What did Carlisle tell them?" I had to get my temper under control. I didn't want my grandma to see me revert back, because she had been okay—or at least silent—about Bella and I lately. If I started to act like a jackass again, she would say something.

"He simply told them that you wouldn't be going with them and that your cell phone was shut off."

I clenched my teeth to keep from reacting too strongly. "Why is my cell phone off again? Because I don't understand the point."

"Phoenix is supposed to be punishment," she said simply.

"Yeah, well, your little plan backfired, because I like it a whole fucking lot better in Phoenix than I do in Forks. Grandma Masen loves me. And I'm learning how to cook and do my own laundry, so I might not ever be back in Carlisle's fucking house again."

She laughed at me. "You'll be back. You haven't had to work a day in your life. And you won't be getting a job. You're too lazy." I could just picture her smiling. "Tell your grandmother 'hi' for me. Love you lots, Edward. Bye."

And then she hung up.

Bitch.

I put the phone back on the receiver and sat down at the kitchen table with my head in my hands. Best birthday ever. No friends. My family hates me. I was abandoned with a sixty-two year old woman who spent most of her day knitting and not talking to me because I'm so severely screwed up that I can barely have normal human interaction.

And, she's not here.

"Do you want me to make you some breakfast?" my grandma said as she walked into the kitchen.

"I'm not hungry," I replied, barely believing the words myself. Actually, I was hungry. I just didn't see a point in eating. Eating was meant to sustain a life and I couldn't see much of a reason for me to live. "Oh, and my mother says hello."

She frowned at me. "I hate that woman."

"Me too. I'm going back to bed. Wake me when it's tomorrow," I said, standing up. She didn't fight me; she only looked at me sadly.

I lay down in my bed and turned my iPod on to sad music because I knew it would probably be enough to make me cry. I needed to just cry and get it out. And I just really wanted to not deal with life anymore. It wasn't fun for me anymore. I was eighteen, only eighteen, but I couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I listened for about an hour, my eyes clenched shut, without any tears. And it was starting to piss me off. I didn't hear the quiet knock on the door or her soft footsteps. But I felt the shift as she climbed into the bed next to me. She stole one of the ear buds and curled her body into mine.

I opened my eyes to see her frowning. "What's with the sad song?"

I shrugged.

"You should be happy. It's your birthday." I looked down, trying not to meet her eyes, because, as much as I had wanted to cry before, I wasn't going to cry in front of Bella.

"You weren't here," I said lamely. Of course she hadn't fucking been here. That was the most stupid thing I had said recently.

"The one time you actually wake up before eleven," she said lightly. "I went over to talk to my mom before she went to work. She was bitchy about it, but she's tired of take out, so she'll let me come back."

"You won't be here anymore," I said. God, I was so dependent on her. What happened to me? I'd been here a week and I'd been neutered.

"I'm still going to be here. You're too pretty to ignore completely." She smiled in an attempt to get me to smile. It didn't work. Bella sighed loudly. "Come on," she ordered.

"I'm staying here," I told her.

Bella climbed up off the bed. "Well, your cake and presents are downstairs, so if you want them or me, that's where we'll be." And she left.

Damn, she always had to have a good exit line. If I wanted her or my presents…really? Were we back to me trying to get her into bed? Because I'd had her in my bed. Or was she saying something completely different?

I got up, a little pissed at myself for having no will power. But I got out of bed all the same. And I stomped down the stairs like a pouting five year old.

She was in the kitchen putting enough candles to start a forest fire on the cake. She lit the thing. It looked dangerous.

"Isn't there a burn ban in Arizona, B?"

She looked over her shoulder and smiled at me. "What the governor doesn't know won't hurt him. Now blow out your candles, birthday boy."

I blew out the candles as quickly as I could, because I really didn't want to be held responsible if something caught on fire. No one should ever put that many candles on a little cake. Even still, I appreciated the gesture.

"What did you wish for?" she asked.

"You know I can't tell you that," I said playing along with her little birthday party game. "It won't come true."

She shrugged. "Do you want your presents now?"

I know that it wasn't supposed to sound seductive, but it did. And I had that stupid kitchen table fantasy again, only this time we were both covered in cake. Frosting tasted good on Bella; I had learned that little tidbit yesterday.

'Definitely."

I sat down in one of the kitchen chairs, while she ran into the living room. She came back only a few seconds later and sat down on my lap. Bella had been surprisingly physical with me lately, not that I objected. It was just shocking that she took the initiative.

She handed me a small wrapped present. "It's not anything big, but I hope you like it."

I ripped of the wrapping paper and crumpled it all into a ball on the table. Then I opened the box. And I smiled at what I saw. It was a cheap, plastic cell phone.

"I already activated it. I know it's not anything like your iPhone, but at least you can call your friends." Damn, she was amazing. I kissed her on the cheek.

"Thank you, so much. I can't believe you did that for me."

She stood up. "There's more."

"There's more?" I asked, making sure I had heard her correctly. She already bought me a phone. What else could she have gotten?

Bella pulled a wrapped box from the freezer, which made me laugh. I was sure that I knew what it was. And when I pulled the paper off my suspicions were confirmed. She bought me Hot Pockets.

I laughed again. "What about the bet?"

She shrugged. "Birthdays are loopholes in bets. Plus, I knew that you were probably going to die if you didn't get another box."

I put the box back into the freezer and walked back. She was sitting in my chair looking so fucking adorable. How was it possible that she had just turned the worst birthday of my life into the best? This was even better than when I got the Volvo or my iPhone. She did this all by herself.

And I didn't deserve her. I knew that. But I was a selfish man and I wanted her.

I knelt down in front of the chair and took her face in my hands. And for a few seconds I just stared at her in amazement. She knew exactly what I wanted and needed the most without me having to write out a list or leave post it notes on the fridge. She just knew.

I brought my lips to hers and kissed her as softly as I could manage, because my body was fighting against the urge to be gentle. But she deserved gentle. She deserved romance and flowers and fireworks. She deserved someone who wouldn't treat her like shit because they were in a bad mood and someone who could tell her how beautiful that she is every day. And, shit, I wanted to be good enough to deserve her.

"Thank you, Bella," I said as I pulled away from her. "You made my entire day. And, tomorrow, I'm going to do the same for you."

**Chapter 10: Those Notes You Wrote Me**

"There Is" by Box Car Racer

It was dumb, but I walked her home. She lived right next door and it was maybe thirty seconds of walking time, but it seemed so far after having her beside me all day. It was one of the best days in my entire life, because I spent it with her. I felt like such a pussy for even thinking like that, but it was true.

We stood on her porch awkwardly, just looking at one another and waiting for the other to say something. After several seconds, I figured that I was the man and needed to step up. So, I cleared my throat and looked down and freaked out at little. Then, I looked back up at her and smiled.

God, I was always smiling around her.

"Thank you for today," I said. "It was amazing."

In reality, it hadn't been anything extravagant. It was just us eating cake and playing War and making grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch. And then we sat on the couch and watched _Heathers_ and I put my arm around her without her asking. Okay, and, yeah, we argued over the best way to cut the cake and whether Aces were high or low and what kind of cheese was the best for grilled cheese, but that was just typical of us. It would have been bizarre if we had actually agreed on anything.

She smiled looking bashful and so fucking adorable. "I'm glad that you had a good birthday."

I swallowed. "Do you have plans for tomorrow evening?" I hoped that she didn't, because a plan was forming in my mind.

Bella looked at me in shock. "No," she finally said. "I believe that I'm free."

I was smiling so hard that my cheeks were hurting like hell. "Okay. Good. Would you want to do something with me?"

She laughed nervously. "Like a date?"

Was it like a date? Romantic dinner? Alone time? Confessions? Yeah, it was kind of like a date. I was asking her out on a date, which seemed really backward since I'd already kissed her, licked her, and had her in my bed.

I brushed my hair back. "Yeah," I replied, suddenly anxious about how she would react. Maybe she didn't want to date me. Maybe she just wanted this weird friendship thing that we had going on.

"Sure."

"Sure?" That wasn't very reassuring.

"Yes, Edward." She blushed red. That was actually a really good sign. I took it that way at least.

"Okay," I said. "I'll give you better information tomorrow." My hand lifted of its own volition and brushed along the flushed skin on her cheeks.

She bit her bottom lip and looked down. "Good night, Edward."

"Sweet dreams, Bella," I said as I leaned down to kiss her chastely. I was going to do this right from now on. But she looked unhappy, so I kissed her a little more intensely. Her arms wrapped around my neck and held me to her. Her tongue traced along my bottom lip and it took every ounce of self-control to pull away. But I did.

"I'll see you tomorrow, beautiful girl."

And I left, because it would have been so easy for me to do all of the things I wanted to do to her. But I didn't want them to happen that way now. I wanted more than thirty-minutes of post-coitus cuddling with Bella and then ignoring her for six months, which was my standard M.O. Bella wasn't one of those sluts who slept with me because I was the step-son of the richest man in town. She was real.

Bella went inside and I sat out on my grandma's porch for a few minutes and dialed Jasper's number. It wasn't too late. And even if it was five AM, he'd probably still be up, unless he was passed-out drunk. This wasn't out of the question, it was a Tuesday.

It rang several times, but he didn't answer, so I left a message.

"Hey, douche bag. Call me back on this number. Carlisle was a dick and shut off my other phone."

Then, I went back into the house. I was surprised to see my grandma sitting at the kitchen table, so I went and sat with her. What else was I supposed to do? I was too keyed up to sleep and I really needed to get to work on what I had planned for tomorrow.

She handed me a picture that she had been staring at. "It's not much, but I figure that you've probably never seen it before."

I looked at it for a long time without saying anything. It was him and me. I looked so much like him—the same hair color, the same eye color. We even had similar facial structure. I had a plastic, yellow baseball bat which was probably bigger than I was. And he was pointing at something, trying to get me to look, but I was staring straight ahead. I was smiling; we were both smiling. It was so weird to see.

"The only picture I've seen of him is from the wedding. She gave it to me a long time ago. I think my mom threw out the rest."

"I have more, if you ever want to see them," Grandma said. I nodded.

"Yeah. Definitely."

She smiled at me. "Now that we got the serious stuff out of the way, are you going to tell me what's going on with you and the little neighbor girl?"

I threw my head back laughing and hit it against the chair. While rubbing the stinging on my head I said, "I like her. She's pretty and makes me cake."

She smiled. "I'm being serious, son."

"So am I," I replied with a grin.

"You are such a pain in the ass, just like your father. Is that all you are going to tell me?"

It felt weird to talk to her about it, about Bella, especially since she knew her a whole hell of a lot more than I did. Maybe her input or advice could come in handy.

"Do you have any white Christmas lights?" I asked. She wrinkled her forehead.

"Yeah, in the garage."

"What about a card table and chairs?" Grandma looked even more confused.

She nodded. "In the garage."

I smiled. "I want to have a nice dinner with Bella tomorrow. Hang a bunch of lights in the trees. Candles on the table. That sort of thing. I mean, the weather is so nice at night here."

"I think that's a lovely idea, Edward. Let me know what I can do to help."

"Thanks," I said. "I think I'm going to go get started."

I went outside to the garage. I spotted the card table quickly and carried it into the backyard. Then I got two chairs. Back in the garage, I went searching for the boxes filled with Christmas decorations. I had just found them when my cell phone rang.

"Hello," I said.

"Cullen, it's been a long time," Jasper said.

I sat the box down and leaned against the wall of the garage. "Yeah, well, Carlisle is a fucking prick, so what was I supposed to do?"

"What's going on? Why aren't you coming with us?" I groaned.

"They shipped me off to Phoenix for the summer and cut me off," I replied.

"Forever?"

"I don't know. But it was either Phoenix or prison school, so I chose this. And, excluding that I'm missing the trip, all you guys, and my money, it's actually not that bad, which is sure to piss of Carlisle."

"How can it not be that bad? No phone, no computer, no black card, no badass friends. Wait, are you getting laid? Is that why you sound so fucking cheerful?"

What was I supposed to say? If I said that we were sleeping together, he would probably just leave it at that. But it was a lie If I said we weren't, he would harass me until I explained the whole thing. And how did I explain it? Our relationship was fucked up at its best moments.

"Not yet," I replied, which was the closest thing I could say without it being a lie or drawing too much attention.

"Are you sure she's worth the effort?" he asked. And I felt myself smiling again.

"Without a doubt."

He snorted. "Whatever. You sound too happy," Jasper said. "I'll drink twice as much in Cancun for you."

"Please do. Just don't get alcohol poisoning and die. I don't think I could deal with Alice if you weren't around to keep that bitch calm."

He laughed. "Okay. Will do. Or won't do. Whatever. Talk to you later."

"Yeah. Bye."

I slid my phone into my pocket and picked up the box again to get to work.

I walked down the stairs and went straight to the kitchen to pour me a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. It didn't surprise me that my mother was in there; she didn't leave for work for another fifteen minutes. What surprised me was the envelope that she handed me. My name was written on the front in elaborate and perfect handwriting.

"Who is it from?" I asked.

"Edward brought it over this morning. He looked tired."

That confused me. Why would he bring over an envelope, instead of just calling or texting or yelling from his bedroom window? It didn't make sense. And what was he doing awake? That boy wouldn't wake up before ten thirty for a national crisis.

"Did you open it?" I asked her. I wouldn't put it past her.

"No. He begged me not to. And he did this pouting thing." I laughed.

"It's irresistible, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it is," Renee said. "Well, I'm going to go and let you read that."

I sat down at the kitchen table and ripped open the envelope as carefully as possible. I could feel my hands shaking in anticipation. I didn't understand what could be so important. Maybe he was leaving. Or maybe he was cancelling. There was so much that worried me.

The note was in the same precise handwriting as my name on the envelope.

"Attempt eighteen. Maybe I'll actually get through a paragraph this time without crumpling up the paper and throwing it across the room into the pile with all of the others. Or maybe not. I don't know why I told you all of that. I'm not sure that you'll actually care that I'm nervous as hell about writing this fucking note, but it will hopefully come out clearer than if I told you any of this stuff in person.

"Basically, I like you. I'm sure there are other more poetic ways of saying it, but that's the only way I know how. And I can think of a million reasons why we shouldn't be together—most of them stem from my inability to not be a selfish dick to everyone in my life—but I want you. I want to be the one who tells you that you are beautiful and kisses you and protects you. I want to be the one that you argue in the grocery store with. I know that's not romantic in the slightest. And I'm sorry.

"You deserve romance. You deserve better than me. But I want to try to do better, I want to try and be better for you.

"Be dressed nice tonight at eight."

I swallowed hard. And I blinked back tears. It wasn't Byron or Keats, but it was Edward and it was real. I could tell that it was a struggle for him to this honest, but he was being honest. I'd never gotten a love note before, but I didn't think that there could possibly be a better one than his.

**Chapter 11: The Way Young Lovers Do**

"On A Night Like This" by Dave Barnes.

It was a little after four when Renee came home from work to find me frozen in anxiety on my bedroom floor. There was no longer anything hanging in my closet. It was now surrounding me on the floor. It was just Edward; it was just dinner, but I was so nervous. He wrote me a note to tell me that he liked me and, while I knew that already, it sounded different, better, when he said it. And I knew that I was going to have to say it to him too.

But I didn't have anything nice to wear on this date. My wardrobe consisted of comfortable clothes, not eye-grabbing, boy-getting clothes. I should have listened to Renee. She was actually right about the fact that I needed to wear something that would make him nervous, so that I could relax a little.

She found me on the floor and immediately went into crisis-mode. She took me shopping. Normally, I avoided shopping with my mother for the sheer fact that it always ended in either an argument or my mother being asked out by some random guy, but this wasn't a normal situation. This was serious.

She took me to her favorite dress store and immediately piled everything she saw in my size into my arms. Then I was sent to the dressing rooms. Most of the dresses I wouldn't wear for anything; they were either way too short or the neckline was way too low. I would look nice in them, but I wouldn't feel comfortable in them. After twenty-two dresses, I was nearly ready to give up and just go show up in a pair of sweats, but Renee slipped another one under the door for me to try.

"It looks like something you would actually wear," she said. I looked at the black silk dress that she had given me. It was nice.

I slipped the dress on. It fell to just above my knees. And, although it was strapless, it was staying up without difficulty. I loved it, but I tried to sit down just in case it was one of those pretty-but-not-practical dresses. I had no trouble sitting down or standing up and everything stayed where it was supposed to. I loved it; I wanted it.

I stepped outside of the dressing room to show Renee. She gasped and put her hand over her mouth. For several seconds she just looked at me and nodded. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks. I think we found the dress."

I turned around to change back into my regular clothes. "I'll go find you a nice pair of heels to match." Fuck my life. Heels? I could walk across a flat, stable surface and still find something to trip over. We really didn't need to add heels to the mix.

"No heels," I replied through the door.

"Bella, I read an article recently that said that high heels improve your sex life."

I was blushing even though no one could see me. "Mother, can we please not discuss my sex life."

She went on despite my protests. "I'm simply asking if you have looked at Edward. He practically exhales sex. And you're telling me that you don't want to sleep with him."

I pulled my t-shirt angrily over my head. "I have never made comments either way, Mother."

After putting on my shorts and getting the dress back on the hanger, I stepped out of the dressing room. She was standing there looking at me. I just stared back.

"What?" I asked.

"Were you going to make a comment about Edward? Or is he fair game?" I knew it was just a challenge. She had a date tonight with a decent guy who treated her well. I knew it was a challenge, but I really felt the need to stake my claim.

"Edward's mine, okay? And, for the record, he is completely fuckable, but he is also leaving in a month and a half to go back to Washington. He's not going to stay."

She asked the question that I really didn't want to answer. "Then why get involved with him at all?"

I just shook my head and walked over to the high heels, gulping. I couldn't really explain why I would get involved with him, knowing full-well that it would end in heartache. But I couldn't say no. It was like I knew that any time that I spent with him was going to be worth all of the pain later.

I relented and let her buy me a pair of death traps. We went home and she helped me straighten my hair before she got ready for her date. I put on makeup and took deep cleansing breaths only to find that it was way too close to eight.

I hurried down the steps to find my shoes which I had conveniently left at the foot of the stairs. The moment I had them slipped on, the door bell rang. I opened it, thinking that it must be Phil here for Renee.

Imagine my shock when I see Edward in black dress slacks, a white button up shirt, and a black tie. Holy fuck. I was sure that I was blushing like hell as I gaped openly at him. My lips curved up into an involuntary smile. My eyes finally reached his face and he was smiling this amazing crooked grin.

"Wow," he said and then laughed in embarrassment. "You look amazing."

"Thanks. So do you," I replied, giggling nervously. Wow, Bella could you be any more fucking awkward around him?

EPOV

I was shaking and my hands were all sweaty. And, hell, I hadn't been this nervous around a girl in years. But all this anxiety was for a good reason, because, even though it was clear that I was freaking out, maybe she would realize that I was being completely serious about this, about her.

I took her hand in mine and walked back toward my grandmother's house, bypassing the front door and going straight to the gate to the backyard. I kept glancing at her the whole way. And a few times I caught her doing the same. When that happened, we would both smile wide and quickly look away.

It had taken hours to decorate the backyard with lights. I had them going all the way around the backyard, attached to the high wooden fence. And they were tangled around the tree. They looked better lit up in the Phoenix night than I had expected them to. Bella's head whipped around to look at everything I had prepared.

"It's so beautiful," she said, smiling wide.

I smiled back at her and pulled out the chair for our little table. It was draped with a white table cloth and several candles sat illuminated. She looked ethereal in the candle light.

"Wait right here. I'll go get our dinner."

I walked hurriedly to the back door and went in. My grandma looked at me as I put the food on two plates. "How are you doing?"

"My heart is racing. And I'm nervous as hell."

She smiled. "It'll be fine."

I nodded and headed for the door. But I couldn't open it on my own, so she had to come over and help me. "Thanks," I said quietly.

I carried the plates back to the table and place one in front of Bella. And then I put my own on the table and sat down. Bella lifted her fork to take a bite and I stopped her.

"If it doesn't taste good, I'm sorry. I tried."

Her whole face transformed. "You made me dinner?"

I looked down at the plate. It looked okay. I was just worried about the taste. "Well, my grandmother was in the room to make sure that I didn't catch anything on fire, but I made it myself, yeah."

She reached across the table and took my hand. "You put a lot of effort into this," she said quietly. I nodded.

"Yeah."

God, I didn't think I had ever tried this hard for anything—not girls or school or my parents. I didn't even try this hard for my friends. For Jasper's birthday I just stole a bottle of Grey Goose from Carlisle's liquor cabinet. This I had planned myself. And I had done the manual labor to make it happen. And I'd fucking cooked, which I'd only done like twice in my entire life and always under Bella's supervision.

I'd done all of this, and for what? It wasn't like she was going to thank me by throwing on top of the card table and having her way with me. So, if it wasn't for sex, why in the world had I tried so hard?

When I finally blinked back into reality, Bella was already eating. "Edward, it's fantastic. And I'm not just saying that."

"Thanks," I replied, not sure if I believed her. "How was your day?"

It had felt like ages since I had seen her last. Bella blushed softly. "It was…interesting. "

"That's a cop-out answer. Tell me something specific." I wanted details.

She bit her bottom lip. "I woke up. I got dressed. I read your note. I hyperventilated for half the day. And then I went dress shopping with my mom."

Oh, yes, the note. I knew we were going to have to talk about that eventually. I didn't know if I should just bite the bullet and do it now or if I should put it off for as long as possible.

"Any of those you want to elaborate on?" I asked. I was such a wimp.

She moved around in her chair a little bit. "Any of them that you want me to elaborate on?"

I sighed. "Damn it, Bella," I muttered quietly, though I knew that she could still hear. I felt so fucking vulnerable. She could be just toying with me, just playing a game. I didn't want to believe that's what was happening, but it very well could have been.

"Fuck, Edward," she replied. "What do you want me to say? That I loved your note? That it made me cry? That it scares the shit out of me? Because all of those things are true."

"Okay," I replied with a groan. "You loved it. Let's start there." I took a bite of the chicken, happy that it was done and tasted alright.

Bella shrugged her bare shoulders. "I loved it. I could tell that you meant it."

Writing that note could have been the death of me. I went through so much notebook paper that I thought that some hippie was going to knock on the door telling me just how many trees I was killing. I just couldn't get the words out. I tried elaborate, romantic, fairytale crap, but it came out sounding fake and trite.

"Why did it make you cry, then?" That was not my intent. She was supposed to be happy when she read it, not sad.

"Because I could tell that you meant it," she replied, which confused the hell out of me.

"I don't understand."

Bella stared straight into my eyes and it felt like she was piercing me. "I like you, but I wasn't sure how attached you were to me."

She liked me. Stupid, fucking smile. My face was going to be permanently frozen like that. And how was I going to explain that to my mom or Jasper? "But why were you crying?"

Bella laughed. "Happy tears."

Okay. Whatever. It made sense, I guess. That just left her last issue.

"Why are you scared?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer. I would much rather ignore the fear and deal with the happy.

"You terrify me," she said quietly, looking anywhere but at me. "How I feel about you terrifies me. Because we can't last."

"Why not?" I asked seriously. Why was she so sure?

"Because I live in Phoenix and really soon you are going to go back to Washington. And you'll forget all about me."

"Bella," I said quickly, before stopping and actually considering whether or not I wanted to say this. Fuck it. "Before I met you my life felt like endless darkness, aimless wandering. There were faint spots of light, but they didn't make it any better. But, now, it's different. It's…fuck, I suck at this."

I looked down and brushed my fingers through my hair.

"Keep going. You were doing fine," she said without a hint of sarcasm.

"You came into my life like a shooting star, illuminating my world. And now I know that I can't just go back to the way things were before, not after seeing how brilliant life can be."

She was quiet for a minute. It scared me. It scared me worse than the thought of me leaving.

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know. I guess that I'm saying that, if this is something that you really want," I said, gesturing between us, "then we'll find a way to make it work."

I looked up at her. Her smile was faint. "I want you. This. Us." And then she laughed nervously.

"I want you, this, us too."


	3. Part 3

**Chapter 12: Our Scars Align**

"Cut Cut Paste" by Tokyo Police Club

"I'm going to starve," Edward said as he propped himself up on his elbow to look at me.

"You are not going to starve. I'll only be gone two weeks and you know how to cook," I replied.

"What if I get amnesia and just forget how?"

It had been two weeks since we'd…declared ourselves. And I left on Monday for California with my dad for two weeks. And then after that we only had two weeks until he left for Washington. Two seemed to be our number. It was closing in on us from every side.

We'd been "together" for two weeks, since the day after his birthday, but it felt more like two months or two years. This was probably due to the fact that I spent all day every day with him and some nights. You learn a lot about people that way—what they like and love and hate, but also what they do that you like and love and hate.

He had really opened up to me in the past few weeks. He had told me everything—about his issues with his parents, his recreational drug use, his many women. And it was me that he came to after he got a call from his step-dad. It was the first night that Edward slept over at my house. We just laid there for hours, me holding him as he brooded and cried. I learned more about him in three hours, than I ever had with any one person.

Everything could be unbelievably great or it could be horrible. I can't tell you how many times I had stormed out of his grandma's house or kicked him out of mine when he was being a douche bag. But Edward always apologized, always promised to do better. And lately he had been doing better. Still, I was worried about him regressing and being even worse when I got back.

"Edward," I said with a sigh. "I have to go visit my dad. I don't want to. I would much rather stay here with you in this bed, but it's something I have to do. Don't worry. It will all be fine. Two weeks will fly by and then I'll be back here."

He grimaced slightly. "Are you going to tell Chief Swan about me? He's not going to be very happy."

It was a huge surprise to find out that Edward and my dad both lived in the same shitty little town in Washington. It was even worse to find out that my boyfriend, or whatever the fuck he was, and my father are pretty much mortal enemies. My father had broken up too many of Edward's parties. Charlie had gotten called when Edward was caught at school with pot. I was worried about what my dad would think of my selection; I knew he wouldn't be pleased.

"Yeah, I'm going to tell him that we're drinking buddies. And occasionally I get high and decide to ride you," I replied sarcastically. He glared at me. "I'm going to tell him that you are great to me, that you honestly care. I'm going to tell him that you haven't had a drink or smoked pot since you've been here. And that you haven't once pressured me for sex, even if that last part isn't true."

Edward's eyes blinked a few times. "I've never pressured you for sex," he replied.

I laughed a few times. "What do you think 'oh my god, my penis is going to fall off if I don't get laid soon' is?" He shrugged.

"Just a fact." I frowned at him.

It wasn't that I didn't want a physical relationship with Edward, I did. I wanted him so badly that it was starting to interrupt daily life. I was just so inexperienced compared to him and I knew that I wasn't going to measure up. It was entirely possible that I was going to be awful at sex and I knew that Edward loved it. So, I was terrified.

I looked at my hands which were fidgeting. "I'm sorry." Edward groaned and pulled me on top of him. He kissed my forehead.

"Don't say that. Don't be sorry." I shrugged and refused to look at him because I was red and upset. "Bella, I don't need sex. I need you and if you want to wait, then I'm fine with that. I've told you that many times already."

I peeked up at him. "But you like sex, Edward." He smiled sheepishly. "And you like me? You want to have sex with me?"

"Since the moment I first saw you."

That little bit of information freaked me out. I mean, I knew how badly I wanted him, how many times a week I woke up sweaty and unhappy because my dreams and reality weren't matching up. There was no way that he could want me as much as I wanted him.

"Then why haven't you tried anything?" I asked.

Edward laughed once and it caused me to move because I was still resting on his chest. I could feel all of him pressed against me. "Because you still aren't sure about me yet. And that's okay. I don't want you to sleep with me because you think it will make me happy and then have you regret it later. Because, with you, sex would be about more than just sex."

"It's not you that I'm unsure about," I said quietly. Edward lifted up my chin and stared at me.

"Bella, there's so much uncertainty and indecision on your face."

I bit my bottom lip and shook my head. I felt a resolve building up. Maybe it wasn't sex, but it was a step. "I want to try something," I said. My cheeks felt like they were on fire because I was blushing so much.

Edward reached up and touched my cheek. "Whatever you want."

I was so nervous that I started to shake. I sat up and straddled his hips. Edward moaned quietly. "Okay, so I've never done this before. I might need your help, maybe talk me through this."

Edward took a deep breath. "Can you tell me what it is that you want to try?" He seemed to be struggling to keep his composure. I accidently rocked my hips against his and Edward hissed.

"I…" I bit my bottom lips and willed the words out. The words I had never spoken to anyone in my entire life. "I want to go down on you."

Edward's eyes bugged out of his head and his mouth fell open. "Fuck, Bella." It made me very self-conscious.

I started panicking. "See, like right now would be a good time to talk to me."

Edward leaned up on his elbows and kissed me. "Oh my…fuck, Bella. I almost had a coronary. Can you maybe warn me next time before you say that?"

I laughed. "Yeah, um, hey Edward, I'm about to mention the fact that I would like to perform oral sex on you, so if you could get prepared for that." I rolled my eyes, but my stomach felt fluttery.

He leaned in to kiss me again. "Are you sure?"

I gulped and nodded. "Yeah, I'm just a little nervous." That was the understatement of the century. I was freaking out like nobody's business, but I wasn't going to tell him that.

Edward ran his hands up and down my arms slowly. "B, this is just me. If you don't want to do this or if you want to stop at any time, just stop. It's fine. I promise you that." I nodded. "Okay, so how do you want me?"

Holy fuck. This was for real. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. I climbed off of him and sat next to him on my bed. "Take off your shirt."

Edward smiled at me. "You do know that my cock is in my pants, right?" He pulled of his green t-shirt.

"Haha. Let's make fun of the virgin," I replied humorlessly. My nerves were really getting to me. I had thought this would be easier, that instinct or something primal would have taken over, but I guess that it was all on me.

I kissed his lips briefly, and then I started to kiss down his neck and along his chest. He let out little sighs and moans that served as an encouragement. I finally reached his abs and smiled, remembering the day at the pool and how much I had wanted to lick them then. And now I could. I traced the outline of his muscles with my tongue. I tilted my head up to look at him, but his eyes were closed.

"Am I putting you to sleep?" I asked. He shook his head and took a deep breath.

"Keep going," he replied, his voice lower than I had ever heard it. So sexy.

I kissed along the prominent V. And then I reached the denim of his jeans. If I hesitated, then I knew that I would chicken out, so I immediately opened the button. Slowly, I pulled down the zipper, not wanting to injure anything.

Edward reached down and helped me remove the jeans from his hips. I pulled them all the way off and threw them to the foot of my bed. Then I went back up for his boxers. He was very clearly aroused and it made me feel powerful to know that I had done that to him. I could do this. I was Bella fucking Swan.

I pulled off his boxers and threw them with his jeans. I just stared at him for a few seconds, unsure of what to do now. Edward peeked open his eyes.

"Why do I have to be completely naked and you get to be fully clothed?"

I leaned down and took the head of his penis in my mouth, swirling my tongue around it. And then I pulled away and looked at him. His eyes were really wide. "Any more questions?"

"No, ma'am." He smiled wide.

I took his shaft in my hand and ran it up and down a few times.

"A little more pressure," he said. I nodded and did as he said, earning me a loud moan.

I took as much of him in my mouth as I could, and with the rest I kept pumping on him. I sucked and licked and hummed. And I carefully catalogued his reactions in my head. He wasn't really giving me words at this point, just a lot of grunts and moans. But I just continued what I was doing, determined to get him off.

After awhile, his fingers tangled in my hair. And I could tell that he was trying to be gentle, but he started to thrust into my mouth. His breathing was so heavy, so shallow.

"Bella, Bella," he mumbled. And then he moaned. "Bella, I'm going to…I'm…"

He tried to pull me away from him, but I wouldn't let him. I continued sucking until he twitched slightly and released into my mouth. And I swallowed the sticky, salty fluid as quickly as possible, trying not to think about it.

Then, it was done. And I didn't know what to do now. He was lying there all naked in my bed. Glorious and pleased. He was smiling so wide. Edward grabbed my wrist and pulled me up next to him.

I didn't think that he would kiss me after what I'd just done, but he did anyway. "Shit, Bella. That was amazing. Are you sure you've never done that before?"

I rolled my eyes. "I think that I would probably remember performing fellatio on someone." He laughed and kissed me again.

"Your turn," he said, reaching for the button to my jeans. I reached out and grabbed his hand with both of mine.

"No."

"No?" Edward asked. "Why no?" His forehead was wrinkled in confusion.

"This was about you. It's not about me."

Edward moved his hand away from my jeans. "It could be about both of us."

"No," I replied again.

He sighed. "Okay, if that's what you want."

I leaned up and kissed him again. "I was really okay?" Edward smiled so wide that I thought his face my break.

"You were amazing. And now I have to go two weeks without it."

**Chapter 13: Circling All Round The Sun**

"In the Aeroplane Over the Sea" by Neutral Milk Hotel.

I stared at the fucking ceiling above my fucking bed, knowing that I wasn't going to get out of bed again today, excluding absolute necessity—the house being on fire or having to pee. I just didn't see the point. My grandma knocked on the door and opened it without waiting for my response, most likely realizing that I hadn't planned on answering.

"You have to get up eventually," she informed me.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because if you spend another day lying up here without eating, your muscles are going to atrophy and, when Bella gets back, you won't even be able to lift up her suitcase. I've let you spend two days in this room, crying or pouting or whatever it is you're doing. No more. Get your butt out of bed and come downstairs and have lunch."

I stared at her. Wasn't going to happen. She must have read that in my eyes. Grandma came over and sat at the edge of the bed.

"Let's say that Bella happened to call me and ask how you were doing, because even though you were telling her that you were fine, she heard something in your voice. What should I tell her? The truth? The only problem with telling her the truth was that it would make her upset and she might fly back here instead of spend time with her father, which she only gets to do once a year."

"Bella called you?" I asked pathetically. She rolled her eyes at me.

"Yes, and I lied for you. I told her that you were upset, but that you were getting up and walking around and being helpful. But I'm not going to lie again, so get your ass out of bed."

I groaned loudly. I didn't want Bella to not get to see her dad, even if he was a total dick to me. He was her dad. And she liked him. I didn't want her flying back for me.

As we walked down the stairs, I blurted out, "I miss her." Two days spent alone talking to myself had apparently dissolved my internal filter. That was a scary thought.

"I know you do. She's a great girl and I'm glad that you two have become close. You're good for one another."

I wrinkled my forehead. "What do you mean?" I knew that Bella was good for me. But I didn't understand how I could possibly be good for her.

"She stood up to her mom. She never would have done that before she met you."

I laughed once and sat down at the kitchen table. "So, I make her defiant and rebellious. Wonderful. Chief Swan is going to love that."

She ignored me. "What do you want for lunch?"

I shook my head. I'd been avoiding food. It reminded me of her, how she always made me meals and had been teaching me to cook. "You don't have to make me anything. I'll just have a sandwich or something."

She put her hands on her hip and stared at me. "You haven't eaten anything since Monday morning. It's Wednesday afternoon. You are getting more than a sandwich."

"Fine. Spaghetti," I replied. Grandma smiled at me, but I just frowned.

Monday morning felt like so long ago.

I had slept over at her house on Sunday night, so that I could drive her to the airport for her 9:00 flight. We spent most of Sunday just lying in her bed talking and kissing. And, as nice as it was, my mind kept going back to the fact that in a few hours time she would be gone. We did our best to keep that thought at bay. Bella even went down on me again to try and distract me. But she still wouldn't let me anywhere near her jeans. I had my theories about that.

On Monday morning we had a granola bar and I drove her little black Prius to the airport. My stomach felt nauseous the entire drive. I didn't want her to go. I was going to miss her. But I didn't tell her on the way there. Instead, I was a dick to her. I don't know why. I think subconsciously I thought that if I was mean maybe she wouldn't miss me as much. But the plan blew up in my fucking face.

She started crying when I parked the car. And I apologized for everything I had ever done wrong to her. And I told her that I would miss her every day. I even let her have my fucking Ray-Bans, so that she would have something of mine to take with her. She gave me her worn-out copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ with a note inside.

I kissed her like I would never see her again. And I watched as she went inside. It was so hard to drive away. I don't remember the drive back at all.

All I remember is crawling into my bed, kicking off my Vans, and reading Bella's note so many times that the paper was worn from all the times I folded and unfolded it.

"Do you remember when your dad went to the hospital?" she asked me as I helped her re-alphabetize her bookshelves. It was something to do other than daydream about Bella, which was starting to border on unhealthy. Seven days without her were seven too many.

"No. Not at all," I replied, wiping the dust off an old copy of _Valley of the Dolls._

"That makes sense. You were so young and it all happened so fast." She looked down. "Two weeks after your mom took him to the ER, he was just gone. There was no time to adjust or accept it. It was just cancer and the doctors saying that there was nothing that could be done."

It was weird to hear someone talking about him. He was never mentioned at home. If I didn't have a picture, a tie, and a baseball then I wouldn't know that he existed at all. I didn't even have his last name anymore. They took that from me too. Carlisle adopted me, so I suppose, legally, he was my father. But he wasn't my dad. My dad was a ghost, a phantasm, a fading memory that is continually playing in the back of my mind that I can never fully see.

"What was he like?" I asked, dusting off another book.

"He was golden," my grandma replied with a laugh. "Or at least that's what James always claimed. He was so naturally gifted at so many things, and he was a quick learner. He was at the top of his class in school, but he always loved baseball. That was his thing. And he got a full-ride to Washington State to play. We were all so proud of him."

Mom never told me that he played. I assumed there had to be a reason why I had an old grimy baseball to remember him by, but I didn't know that he had played. Mom had never said anything. I'd been playing since t-ball when I was five. Now, I was a starting pitcher for our high school team. I had already had colleges come to recruit me and she had never said one word.

"What position did he play?" I asked, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

"Short stop in high school and first base in college."

"I play," I said, shoving the books back in the shelves. "Did she ever tell you that?"

I could see her looking at me out of the corner of my eye, but I just kept organizing the disorderly books. "No, but to be fair I only got one letter at Christmas and that was usually just a list of the highlights of your life. Apparently, baseball wasn't considered to be a highlight."

I closed my eyes and threw back my head. "What is her damage? Really? Why would she do all of this shit? Sorry, language. But, really?"

Grandma sighed. "I don't know. I don't think that she ever really loved him. The only reason she even agreed to marry him was that she was pregnant and scared."

"Did he love her?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. He said that he did, but I was never really convinced."

"But why would she just erase him? Or not let me see you and grandpa?"

"I don't know about the first question, but I think I know the answer to the second if you really want to know." I nodded and leaned my back against the bookshelf to look at her. "Your mom met Carlisle while your dad was in the hospital. He was working on his residency and she was trying to deal with the fact that her husband would die any day. Maybe she really fell in love with him. I'm happy for her if she did, but getting married three months after putting my son in the ground was a bit tactless. And I made sure she knew my feelings on her actions. Then she threatened that I would never get to see you grow up if I didn't shut up and support her. I didn't. And I regret that; I regret not getting to see you or have you come spend your summers here. Maybe you would have turned out better. Or maybe we would have screwed you up worse."

I listened as the phone rang and I prayed that she would answer. I didn't really want to call her, but I needed someone I could trust. And I didn't have anyone I could trust, so I had to settle for her and hope that she would somehow lose the ability to gossip.

"Hello," she said cheerfully.

"Hey, it's Edward. Did Jasper fill you in on what happened to me this summer?"

"Yes," Alice said still chipper. "Your parents couldn't take anymore of your shit so they sent your whiny ass to the desert."

I listened to her explanation and knew that it had to be a direct quote from J. Only he would say something like that. "Yeah," I said. "Um, so I kind of need your help."

She was all over this. "I would love to help you. Whatever you need. Do you need me to wire you money so that you can still go to Cancun with us? We leave in five days. It's going to be a blast. I can totally make sure that you have money for a plane ticket, if that's what you need."

"Ali, be chill for five fucking seconds, okay?"

"Okay," she replied, not fazed in the slightest.

"You have to swear on your black card that you won't tell anyone, especially Jasper or this conversation ends right now."

"Ooh, this sounds serious. I'm definitely in," she said giggling.

"Promise," I commanded, knowing that it was still no guarantee that Alice wouldn't talk.

"Okay, I promise. Now tell me."

"Okay, I want you to know that I'm only asking for your help because I need a girl's opinion on this. And it was either you or Rosalie. And Rose is a bitch 87% of the time, so it's you. And I still don't think I can trust you."

"Edward," she said sternly. It was the first time that I had ever heard her sound serious about anything. "Just fucking tell me what you need my help with."

"So, there's this girl," I stopped talking because I heard her giggle. Alice apologized and urged me to continue. "She's been gone for two weeks, but she gets back tomorrow. And I feel like I need to do something special for her, but I don't know what."

"And that's where I come in," Alice said. "Tell me about her."

"Must I?" I was starting to regret this already. If I didn't honestly believe that this was important, I wouldn't have called.

"Yes, you must. I need to get some sense of who she is before I just throw out suggestions, because, regardless of what you and Jasper think, not all women are the same. What would work on me, might not work on her."

"I know," I replied with a sigh.

"You know?" Alice asked shocked. "You really like this girl, don't you?"

I sighed angrily and sat down on the steps of the porch. "Do you think I would be calling about this if I was just fucking her? Yes, Alice, I really like her. The last two weeks have been hell without her. I don't know how I'm going to survive the two months after I leave until fall break when we agreed to meet in California for three fucking days."

"Oh god," Alice said quietly. "I think I'm going to cry."

I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath. I was falling apart and she was coming back tomorrow. I had to get my shit together by then. She would need me to be strong the last few weeks, because I seriously doubted that she would be.

"What do I do?" I asked.

"Buy her flowers. Kiss her a lot. And tell her how you feel about her," Ali replied. I stretched out my legs on the steps.

"She already knows how I feel about her."

"Well, tell her again," she said. "Girls like to have it confirmed. Plus, you've been apart. She needs to know that you feel the same way that you did before she left."

"That's it? That doesn't seem like anything big."

"I think it will be enough," Alice responded. I hoped that she was right.

"Thanks for your help, Ali. I promise to not be such a dick to you from now on."

She laughed. "This girl really did a number on you. I would love to meet the girl who tamed the great Edward Cullen."

"I was not tamed," I replied, but she was fucking right. I was such a pussy compared to the guy at Forks High who had a new girl every other day. Now, I was respectful and could cook and god, I'd even thanked Alice. Who the hell had I become?

"Okay," Ali said in disbelief. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

**Chapter 14: No Turning Back For Us Tonight**

A/N: Welcome to another installment "Check Yes Juliet" by We the Kings.

Charlie and I both stood up. Boarding for my flight had just been announced. His didn't board for another half hour. Two weeks. Time was up for us.

He put one arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. It was more affection than he had shown to me in years. While Renee smothered me with hugs and attention, Charlie was much more standoffish. I looked up at him and saw that he had closed his eyes.

"Bella," Charlie said quietly, seriously. "I know that I don't even have the right to ask this of you, but, please, be careful."

I looked at the floor, because we both knew exactly what he was talking about, who he was talking about.

"I will, Dad."

He released me and took a step away. "Have a good flight, Bells. Say 'hi' to your mom for me."

"I will. I'll tell her. And just think about it."

He nodded and walked away, while I went to get in line to board.

The flight from San Diego, where my grandparents had a place on the beach, to Phoenix was a little more than an hour. And it excited and terrified me. In the grand scheme of this whole trip, the plane ride back was just a small fraction of all the hours that I had spent without him. I couldn't wait to hug him or kiss him. I would probably completely ignore my mother, who for some reason decided that it was necessary to take the day off from work to come pick me up from the airport, and run straight to Edward.

We had talked on the phone every other night while I was in California. I was worried that if we talked every night that I would be reminded of how much I miss him and I'd leave early. But talking every other night was torture, even before I told Charlie. Afterwards, it was a nightmare.

I had been sitting at the breakfast table talking to Mrs. Masen on the phone. I had to call. Edward kept telling me that he was fine and that it wasn't too bad, but there was something off in his voice. It scared me, so I called her to confirm his story. I had already turned into a psycho, stalker girlfriend.

Charlie came in at the very end of the conversation.

"He's really okay?" I had asked.

She replied that he was fine and that she was just about to make him lunch.

"Okay. I believe you. Can you tell him that I miss him? And that I'll call him tonight?"

She said that she would and that I should enjoy my trip.

The second I had hung up, Charlie and his detective skills were all over this. Damn cop. He's too observant about everything.

"You have a boy back in Phoenix?" he asked.

I laughed nervously. "Funny that you should say Phoenix. He's actually only visiting for the summer. He's from Washington."

Charlie folded his hands and placed them on the table. He gazed straight at me. It was intimidating. "Where in Washington?"

I laughed again, but this time it was flirting with hysterical. "Um. Forks."

He looked down briefly and then back up and me intensely. "Do I know him?"

"He knows you," I replied. "So, I'm going to assume that you do."

Charlie closed his eyes briefly. "And I doubt that I know him because he volunteers picking up trash and is on the road to be valedictorian."

I fiddled with my hair nervously. "He was going to be salutatorian, but missing finals week kind of screwed him."

And Charlie erupted. That's the only way to describe it. He stood up quickly. His face turned red and purple. He was flipping out. After thirty seconds of flying off the handle and cartoon smoke coming out of his ears, Charlie sat back down…completely calm. Fucking scariest thing I have ever seen.

"Edward Cullen is a pot-smoking womanizer, who I've had the honor of arresting numerous times. You're not going anywhere near him."

Oh, shit. I stood up, looked at him, and serenely replied, "When I see you more than fourteen days a year, then we can discuss who I can and can't date."

It was a low blow. It was dirty. I knew that it wasn't Charlie's fault that we didn't see each other. It was my mom's and mine. But he had hurt me with the comment about Edward, so I lashed out where I knew he was weak.

"Bells, sit back down," he said seriously. I sighed and did as he asked, already feeling like a bitch for saying that to him. "Do you even really know him?"

"Yes, I do. I could probably give you his police record better than you could. And I know all about the girls that he's been with." I tried to cool down and be impartial. I had known beforehand that Charlie wasn't going to take this well.

"And you don't care about any of that? That he's probably diseased?"

I scoffed. "Edward isn't diseased."

"How do you know that Bells? He could be lying to you."

I sighed. How in the world did you tell anyone this, let alone your father? "After he told me about his history, we went to a clinic to get him checked out. He's clean, just like he told me he was."

Charlie put his head in his hands. He sighed. "Do whatever you want, Bella. I don't care."

That hurt more than all the yelling and anger and vicious comments about Edward. It really felt like he had just given up on me. I felt like he really didn't care.

It took a few days before things were back to normal and it took, like, eight more talks about Edward, but I think that Charlie was at least tolerating my decision. Things were awkward between us for a while. It was hard for him to accept my decision. And it was just as difficult for me to accept his stance.

The second I stepped off the plane, I practically ran to baggage claim. I'm surprised that I didn't sprout wings and fly there; I was so excited. I dialed his number, even though it was crowded and loud. I needed to hear his voice.

"Hey, beautiful. Where are you?" he said when he answered and I couldn't stop the giggles. I felt like such a girl.

"On my way to you," I replied. "Or going to get my bag. Whatever."

He was silent for a few seconds and I was worried that we had gotten disconnected.

"Edward?"

"Bella?" I smiled to myself.

"You were quiet. I didn't know if you were still there."

I was. I am. I…I just…I'll tell you when your mom isn't standing right beside me."

I could just imagine her listening in. "No, tell me. I want to know." He sighed quietly.

"I've missed you. A lot." My heart felt all warm and happy, because it wasn't just a line. It wasn't what he was supposed to say. I could hear the sincerity.

"I've missed you too," I replied.

EPOV

I knew that what Alice said about me being tamed was fucking accurate the second that I saw Bella. My heart started thrashing around violently in my chest. And I lost the ability to breathe. All I could do was stare and smile as she walked toward me and her mom.

She held up on finger to me and gave me a little smile, before hugging he mom. Then she turned back and attacked me. Bella jumped up and wrapped her legs around my waist. I stumbled for a few seconds while she kissed me, before regaining my balance. It felt so damn good to be that close to her again.

Bella rested her forehead on mine. She looked into my eyes. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too."

I tightened my grip on her and kissed along her neck as she began to whisper in my ear. "I missed your lips. And your hands. I missed talking to you. And hugging you. And making lunch together. And kissing. Hell, I even missed giving you head."

I groaned loudly. Now was neither the time nor the place to be discussing this. Still, it was hot.

"Will you marry me?" I asked for the millionth time. She giggled. "I'm being serious."

Bella released her legs from my waist and slid down my body. "We'll discuss it later." She took one of my hands in hers and with the other I pulled her bag.

I smiled and watched her run back from the swings. Bella didn't want to stay home even though she had been gone for two weeks, so she and I went on a drive. And when Bella saw a park with swings, she pulled the car over and went swinging, even though it was ten at night. I just sat with my back against the car and stared at her. She came back and sat on my lap—since her return, just a few hours before, she had become even more physical, not that I was complaining.

"Did you read my note?" she asked, her skin glowing in the moonlight.

I smiled. "A million times…the first day." Bella kissed my lips quickly.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly.

"Never apologize for kissing me," I said before pressing my lips to hers softly.

"Did you read _Romeo and Juliet_?" I nodded.

"I've read it before, but, yeah, I read it again. Twice," I replied. God, I was so whipped. "I don't really like it though."

Bella gasped. "How can you not like it? It's like _the_ epic love story."

"Because they're all idiots, every single one of them. And Romeo is the worst. I don't understand how he can be so idealized by women."

She folded her arms over her chest, pouting. "Please, do go on." I could tell that she was pissed at me.

"He loved Rosaline; he loved Juliet. He marries her and then he kills her cousin. He's an immature, hot-headed ass, who has no concept of what love is."

"But he died for her," she exclaimed.

"No, he didn't. He died because of her, but he didn't die for her. I'm not saying that I wouldn't do the same thing if I lost you," I said as I ran my fingers along her cheekbone. "I can understand how he wouldn't want to live in world without someone that he…"

What was I supposed to say here? Maybe Romeo loved his girl, but I…I didn't know. I wasn't sure. I cared about her. She was essential to my survival.

"What, Edward?" she asked quietly.

"I love spending time with you. I love being with you. I just don't think that I'm ready to say…"

She kissed my cheek. "I'm not asking you to." Then she laughed, her warm breath on my neck sending shivers down my spine. "What else do you hate about the play?"

"Paris," I replied instantly, which made Bella laugh again. "I'm being serious. They are very clearly supposed to be together. The play isn't called _Paris and Juliet_ or _Romeo and Juliet and Paris._ He just needs to go die."

"He does," Bella replied with a smile. "Romeo kills him. And you feel very strongly about this issue, don't you?" I nodded.

Alice said to tell her how I feel. And I'd already screwed that up once tonight. "I really care about you, Bella. And, if someone tried to come between us, I'd get a sword and fight him."

She smiled at me. "You assume it's a guy. What if it's Rosaline? Can I kick her ass?"

The thought of Bella fighting another girl. "Definitely, but I want to be there." She hit me playfully in the chest.

"Come on, let's go home and go to bed. I'm exhausted."

"Yours or mine?" I asked as she stood up. I climbed to my feet and opened the passenger side door for her.

"Mine. I have a bigger bed."

**Chapter 15: Fuel Desire**

"Dance Inside" by All American Rejects.

In the morning, I opened my eyes and stared at the massive vase of daisies and daffodils that Edward had bought me and left in my bedroom. It was so sweet a gesture that I didn't know how to react at first. I had stood staring at the bouquet and reading the card over and over again until I cried. He wrote in his perfect handwriting, "If I could pick every flower in the world for you, I would, but they still wouldn't be as beautiful to me as you are."

We didn't even go up to my bedroom until after our drive. Edward kept hinting that I should go up there, but I refused. He had been all nervous and adorable when we walked up the stairs to go to bed. At the time I didn't comprehend his anticipation—we'd slept in the same bed numerous times. But the second I saw the flowers, I gasped.

My reaction must have freaked him out, especially when I started crying. Tears were difficult for him. And he definitely didn't understand how they could ever represent happiness.

Eventually, I sat the card down and walked over to where he sat on the edge of the bed, looking like he might throw up because he is so nervous. I put my hands on either side of his face and tilted it up, so that he was looking at me. I smiled wide and choked back the tears that were trying to come back up. Tentatively, I kissed his lips.

"I don't even know what to say. I'm speechless," I told him.

"Are they okay?" he asked, still being vulnerable and fucking adorable.

I kissed him again quickly, knowing that if I wasn't careful I was going to get carried away. "They're perfect. When did you get so sweet?" He shrugged. God, this was the most romantic thing that he had ever done. I wanted to thank him properly, but I was so exhausted. I told myself that I would the second I woke up.

And that was the first thought in my head when I opened my eyes to gaze at the flowers.

I removed his arm from my side and ran around the bed to go to the bathroom. I found my toothbrush and started brushing, so that I wouldn't feel completely gross. The sound of the water running must have woken in up because a few seconds later, I felt his hand touch my hip and slide all the way around my back.

I looked up at his half-awake face. His eyes were squinty and fluttering. His jaw was mostly tight, but his lips were open slightly and looking kissable, as always. And then, god, his fuck-me hair. Almost all of my daydreams involved my hands gripping his hair as Edward pounded into me.

"Morning," he said groggily.

"Good morning. I have a present for you. Actually, I have a few." He frowned slightly.

"Do you have a toothbrush I can borrow?" I laughed softly and pulled an unopened one from the cabinet and handed it to him. "Thanks, B."

I slapped his ass and went back into my bedroom to find his presents. I searched through my carry-on bag before realizing that they were in my suitcase downstairs. Quickly, I crept down the stairs to find my suitcase. I was on my way back up when my mom yelled out my name from the kitchen. I sighed and went to her.

"Bella," she said happily at the moment I stepped into the room. "A couple of things. First, is Edward still upstairs?"

"Yep."

She smiled. "Okay. Second, I have a date with Phil tonight, so I probably won't be back. So, I mean, if you and Edward want to…"

"Go out for dinner? Stay in and watch movies? Fuck?" Renee frowned at me.

"You know how I feel about that."

I snorted. "You hate the word, but you don't so much mind the action." I walked out of the room without waiting for her reply. "Have a good day at work."

When I got back to my room, Edward was reclining on my bed, playing Snake on his phone. I plopped down on the bed and he continued playing, ignoring me. So, I got up and I started to pull things from the suitcase.

"We need to swim again before you leave," I said as I pulled out my new swimming suit. He finally looked up from his game long enough to see the red and white bikini and his jaw fell open.

"Yeah. I agree. Swimming." I rolled my eyes and kept unpacking. "Am I ever going to get my presents?" he asked.

"Are you ever going to stop playing that game?" I replied.

"Touché," he said, putting his phone on the little table next to my bed. I found the sack with all of his stuff in it and sat back on the bed.

"First, your Ray-Bans." I tried to hand them to him, but he wouldn't take them.

"Keep them. I have four other pairs at home." I sighed.

I pulled a t-shirt out of the bag. "I stole it. I'm sorry." I pouted out my bottom lip like he always did, hoping that it would work.

"I was looking for this shirt the entire time you were gone. You took it?" I nodded.

"It smells like you, or it did. I slept in it so much, that I think it smells like me now." Edward took the shirt and put it on, smelling it as he did.

"I can smell your perfume on it, you little thiefer," he said jokingly. "What else of mine do you have?"

I smiled. "I think that's it. I gave those back. I showed you the new bikini."

"You didn't put it on," he said. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine, I'll put it on. And then I'll give you your last present."

I climbed off the bed and went into the bathroom to change. I stepped out of the bathroom a minute later feeling extremely self-conscious. The only reason I had even bought the thing was that I knew he would like it. It barely covered anything and with one pull on the strings it became useless.

Edward's eyes got really wide as they swept from my face to my toes and then back up, lingering on some body parts longer than others. "Do you like it?" I asked.

He choked a little bit. "Yeah." Edward shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

"Is something wrong, babe? Is there anything I can help you with?" I asked, walking toward him.

I tried to put my hands on his shorts, but he stopped me. Before Edward, I had never imagined myself to be the kind of girl who enjoyed giving head. And it wasn't so much the act itself that I enjoyed, but more hearing him moan and sigh and groan and say my name with that lusty voice of his. And the best thing ever was seeing his face right after he came—he always looked so unbelievably pleased.

Edward wrapped his arm around my bare stomach and pulled me onto the bed. He kissed from my lips, down my neck, between my breasts, and down my stomach to the edge of my bikini bottoms. And then he looked back up at me, asking for permission. But I wasn't sure. And he read the indecision, so he pulled himself back up, and he held me close so that I could feel the effect that I was having on him.

I reached my hand down, but he grabbed it and pinned it above my head, so that I couldn't touch him.

I groaned in frustration. "Why won't you let me touch you?"

He scoffed. "Really? I thought that was my line." His green eyes looked like they were on fire. It was lust and anger and confusion all feeding off of one another.

"Edward," I begged. "Please."

He looked at me, completely calm, except for his eyes. "If you don't want me to, I respect that, Bella. I would never want to force you. But I would like to understand why. Is it me? Is it my history?"

"No," I exclaimed, wiggling against him, trying to get a reaction, but I failed to take into account how this action would affect me. I bit back a groan. "It's not you. It's me. Fuck. I promised myself, I would never say that."

He ignored my outburst and kissed my lips softly. "Is it that you just aren't ready? Or you are waiting?"

"It's not that. I'm…nervous."

Edward nodded once. "About what?"

"The entire act. It seems like it would be something really personal." I groaned. That sounded stupid. Of course, it was. "It's different than me going down on you."

"Why?" he asked. It was mean or like he was trying to embarrass me, even though my entire body was blushing by this point. He sounded like he really wanted to understand. And understanding Edward was impossible to resist.

"Because it's me. Because you've gotten and given oral sex before."

"Bella, you've given oral sex. That's clearly not where the issue lies. It's the receiving part. And I'm still not sure why. The only thing I can think of is that you're afraid that you'll actually like it."

Fuck, he was partly right. "But what if I don't like it? What if I'm frigid? Or I just don't enjoy oral sex? There are people like that."

He smiled at me like I was being ridiculous. "You're right; there are. I don't think you are one of them, but don't you think you should at least try it before you mark yourself," he said. And then he smirked at me. "Maybe you'll really like it—the way your body begins to feel like it's on fire and the pressure building in the pit of your stomach and your toes curling in pleasure. Maybe after you come down from your high, after feeling absolute ecstasy, you'll beg for me to do it again."

And holy fuck. His voice was so smooth and seductive that I almost came right then.

"Okay," I said breathlessly.

He cocked up an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Edward. Yes, I'm sure," I replied a little impatiently. He laughed at me and brought his lips to mine.

He deepened the kiss, allowing me to slip my tongue into his mouth while he sucked tantalizingly on my bottom lip. After a minute, he pulled away and kissed along my jaw and slowly down my throat until he reached the hollow at the base. He sucked gently there and brought a moan to my lips.

I tangled my fingers in his sex hair as he continued his descent. With one hand he reached behind my neck and untied the string that held the top of my bikini in place. He kissed the space between them before taking the left nipple in his mouth and sucking hard. My back arched off the bed. And he used the opportunity to completely untie the top and throw it across the room.

I felt myself blushing. Edward had touched my boobs before, but I had had a shirt on at the time. This was completely different. The sensations were different as his hands gently kneaded the skin.

He was so fascinated with my naked breasts that I think he momentarily forgot the goal. I didn't complain though. It felt good. I couldn't contain the sighs of pleasure.

Eventually, he continued kissing downward to my stomach. It was the part of my body that I was the most self-conscious about, the part that I hated. But he didn't seem to notice that I didn't look like a supermodel, that my stomach wasn't flat or my boobs weren't massive. Or if he did, he was very good at hiding it.

When he reached the edge of my bikini bottoms, he again looked back up at me for permission, only this time he was smiling. I bit my bottom lip and nodded. Then his fingers slid underneath them and gently pulled them down and over my legs, tossing them to the floor.

The entire time I watched his face. Instead of repulsion, he actually smiled wider. And he muttered something to himself as he climbed between my legs. My breathing sped up and my heart started pounding.

"Bella," Edward said quietly, his voice dripping with lust.

"Yeah," I replied shakily.

"I need you to relax, okay? You'll enjoy this if you allow yourself to," I nodded and closed my eyes, not sure that I could keep them open.

He ran his fingers along my inner thigh, teasingly. He would get close and then go back the way he came. I groaned in frustration, which made him chuckle. He continued his path, but this time he didn't stop.

My breath caught in my throat as he ran his fingers along my slit. Then his thumb found my clit and my hips instantly bucked. I gasped out as he continued to trace along my slit with his fingers, making me even wetter, which I didn't think was possible. He was right. It felt so good.

He flicked my clit with his thumb again as his other hand shifted my leg so that I was spread completely open for him. I felt something warm enter me and moaned when I realized that it was his tongue. I opened my eyes to watch him.

"Fuck, Edward."

He pulled his tongue out of me and I groaned loudly. He looked up, smirking, and winked at me. Tease.

Instead of his tongue, he inserted a finger in me and gently pumped in and out. And then his lips found my clit and started sucking and licking. I felt as he added another finger. And then a third.

I don't know how long I laid there, drowning in pleasure, but everything started to feel tight. The pressure was building up and my hips were bucking trying to increase the friction. And I felt like I was about to explode.

"Bella, you are so close, baby. Just let go," Edward replied, his voice low and sexy, like how it sounded when I gave him head.

He sucked on my clit harder than before and pumped even faster and my toes started tingling and my back arched. And then world faded from around me. Except, I think I yelled Edward's name.

My body was shaking slightly when I opened my eyes again. And he was lying next to me with his arm thrown over my stomach. We stared at each other for a few seconds, before I started giggling and blushed. I had to look away.

Edward instantly pulled my face back to his and kissed me. And I could taste myself on him. It was weird and kind of hot. He smiled against my lips.

"So…did you like it?" he asked, smiling, because he clearly already knew the answer.

"Yes, actually, I did," I replied.

He looked down at my still-naked body and then back at my face. "Good. I'm glad that I could please you."

I blushed. "Um. Did I yell your name?" He laughed. "Is that a yes?" I asked grimacing.

"That's a yes," Edward replied with a smirk. "And I bet I could make you yell it again."


	4. Part 4

**Chapter 16: Tied Myself Too Tight**

"Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset" by Modest Mouse

I woke up and I couldn't breathe because I knew what day it was. It was the day that I had been dreading since the day that I put my arm around her while she cried, since the day I decided to be better for her because she deserved better. I knew that this day had to come eventually, but I hadn't expected it to come so soon. I wasn't ready to leave her.

Much to my surprise, she was still lying next to me asleep. She always woke up before I did. But I was restless last night, barely slept. It wasn't peaceful at all, because the thought was always in the back of my mind. I stared at her until it made me nauseous, and then I went downstairs, unable to even be on the same floor as her.

This was so fucked up. Everything inside of me was screaming that I couldn't go back to Forks, that I couldn't just leave her and pretend like it didn't happen. I had gotten myself into this shitty situation knowing that I had to go back. This was my own fault.

While Bella was gone in California, I had spent two hours on the phone begging my mom to let me stay, to let me move in with my grandmother, but she and Carlisle wouldn't allow it. They even went so far as to say that if my ass wasn't on the plane, they would report the black card—which was still in my possession—as stolen and get the cops to bring me back. And I had never hated them more than at that moment. All of the progress my grandma had made was ruined. I went back to bed for two days, refusing to eat or talk. That's when I read _Romeo and Juliet_ again.

That was so long ago now.

I went and sat down at the kitchen table, resting my forehead against the wood and willing myself not to cry. This was my own damn fault. I had known full well that it was a mistake to get involved with her. When it was about sex, it was fine, but the second emotions became involved, I knew that I was fucked. I hadn't expected to like her. I hadn't expected to be falling in love with her. And I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be upset about leaving hotter-than-hell Phoenix to go back to my friends, parties, and trust fund.

I kept my head on the table and squinted my eyes shut as tightly as physically possible. I heard as her footsteps echoed down the old creaky stairs of my grandma's house. She walked straight to me and her fingers traced up and down my spine.

"You weren't there when I woke up," she said, trying not to sound like she was upset. "It scared me a little."

"I'm sorry," I replied quietly, not really trusting that it would come out manly if I spoke any louder.

Her lips gently kissed the back of my neck. "Hey, none of that. We're going to have a good day."

"Yeah," I said, not really believing her. All the while, Bella continued rubbing my back. The muscles were so tense that I knew she could massage all day and I still wouldn't be able to relax.

I lifted my head up and used my left arm to wrap around her waist. I pulled Bella down so that she was sitting in my lap. I needed to touch her, to feel her, to know that she was really still there. I hadn't lost her yet.

"What are we going to do today?" I asked, suddenly wishing that I had thought ahead and planned something instead of wallowed around for the last week and a half.

She shook her head and brushed my chaotic hair from my eyes. "I don't even care. I just want us to be together."

"How about we get dressed, go to the grocery store, and then make lunch? We can decide what else we want to do after that."

Bella smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "That sounds good."

Every smile, every touch, every kiss was like a double-edge sword. It was all bittersweet, but the bitter was starting to outweigh and overcome any lingering sweetness. And no matter how close she was to me—sitting on my lap or her tongue in my mouth or my fingers inside of her—it never felt close enough. I could feel her slipping away already.

I could feel myself choking. And suffocating. And dying.

I could feel it all ending. Because, after tonight, everything changed. And I knew that. And I couldn't stop that thought from contaminating every other thought in my head.

I mean, yeah, we had promised to call every night. We had promised vacations and trips to see one another. And maybe we would survive senior year and then run off to college together. But long distance was going to suck ass. And I didn't know if I could do it, if I could live every single day knowing that she wasn't going to wake up next to me, that I wasn't going to see her, that we weren't going to argue about trivial shit, that I wouldn't get to kiss her.

And I couldn't even tell her the one thing that I wanted to—that I thought that I might be in love with her-because I knew that it would hurt both of us too much for me to say it and leave.

So I kept it inside and let it rot away at me.

We were lying on the couch in her living room all tangled up in one another and watching some campy horror movie, which had become our tradition. She gently squeezed my hand, so I looked at her and tried to clear all of the depression from my face. I didn't think that she would buy it, but I did it anyway.

"You're so quiet," Bella whispered.

"I'm sorry," I replied. She huffed and climbed off the couch, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at me.

"Stop fucking apologizing. And just talk to me," she said. "I know you're leaving, Edward. But…shit."

Bella grabbed a vase and threw it at the wall, shattering it into millions of little pieces. And then she slowly withered until she was sitting on the floor, crying harder than I had ever seen anyone cry. I sat down on the floor next to her and put my arm around her shoulder, until she calmed down a little bit.

"I don't know what to do or say, Bella. I'm about ready to risk prison time for a few more days with you."

"Don't even joke," she responded, her voice cracking.

"I'm not."

Bella hit me in the shoulder. "You are not throwing away your chance to play college ball for me. Do you understand that? Felonies are not funny."

I looked down at the carpet as she reprimanded me. "Yes, ma'am."

"We'll figure this out. We'll make this work. That's what you fucking promised me, so stop pushing away from me."

My head shot up. "I'm not." How dare she accuse me of pushing away from her?

"We've said maybe fifteen words to each other the entire day. It's almost midnight; it's almost tomorrow." Bella wiped the tears from her eyes angrily. "Was this worth it? Were a few weeks together worth months of pain for you? Because I know my answer. But I need to hear you say it."

I was tempted to lie, to say that we were done come tomorrow, that this was all a gigantic mistake. It would be easier for her that way. She would be able to move on that way.

I cupped her beautiful face in my hands and kissed her like countless lovers at the end of the summer, who knew that, come morning, nothing would ever be the same again.

"Bella, you know I'm not the most romantic guy, so this is me being completely honest with you. This isn't the end for us; you're too stubborn and I'm too proud for us to give up on this shit without a fight. I want you, this, us," I said. My lips ghosted over hers. "You are worth it. And if I was given the opportunity to do it all again, I would have pulled my head out of my ass quicker and not wasted valuable time."

She laughed, tears still dripping down her cheeks.

"I'm scared."

"About what?" I asked, when I really wanted to say 'me too.'

"That you'll forget all about me the second you are back home."

I scoffed. "Bella, that has to be the stupidest thing you have ever said." Didn't she understand? Couldn't she comprehend how much she meant to me? Apparently not. "We're epic, you and me. We're like Romeo and Juliet only I'm more of an idiot and you aren't as naïve. We already have the family hate going for us. And the whirlwind romance. Romeo realized after seeing Juliet once that he couldn't live without her and you doubt that after this entire summer I don't realize how much I need you in my life? Fuck that, Bella."

"You were right about Romeo and Juliet. They're stupid; they both got involved knowing that it couldn't end well."

I smiled, before my brain could process it. "We're not them, B. I'll be sure to check your pulse before I kill myself."

She playfully hit the back of my head, and then she ran her fingers through my hair.

"This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,  
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.  
Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest  
Come to thy heart as that within my breast!"

I smiled. "O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?"

Bella giggled, happy that I was playing along. I was just happy that I remembered the lines. "What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?"

I took a deep breath. "The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine."

Her hand left my hair and her fingers gently raked across my cheek, as her eyes became serious again. I watched, mesmerized, as she bit her bottom lip. "There isn't a Paris alive who could substitute or take away from how I feel about you."

She was making her vow to be faithful. It was something I had never done, never even really thought about. I didn't have relationships so much as one-night stands strung along over a period of time. The thought of promising to not sleep with or kiss another girl probably should have scared me a lot more than it did, especially since we wouldn't see each other again for two months. And that I hadn't even slept with this girl yet. That meant that my streak was going to be longer than it had been since I'd first started having sex. And there was no guarantee that in October Bella would be ready to have sex then. We could be talking six months without any action.

And it didn't bother me.

"There are Rosalines running all around in Forks, but I can promise you that not one of them has ever or will ever mean as much to me as you do. I'm not going to fuck this up. Trust me."

**Chapter 17: Another Line Without a Hook**

"I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" by My Chemical Romance.

I threw my suitcase into the back of the car, half-expecting that she would yell at me for damaging the vehicle in some way. She loved that car the way that some love people. It was unhealthy. But, I suppose, it wasn't nearly as unhealthy as the last few hours had been for me.

Bella and I had stayed up all night trying to chase away the dawn. We told stories of our childhood and of our friends. And we made promises the entire time that we would call or write or walk to the other if there was a good enough reason.

But morning finally came and it blazed across the blackened sky like a wildfire.

We put on different clothes and she drove me to the airport. I didn't even want to look at her the entire drive, but I forced my eyes to remember every detail about her—the way that she smiled, the way her eyes glowed, how she bit her bottom lip. I couldn't forget anything about her.

The goodbye sucked. It worse that sucked; it was awful, terrible, dreadful, mind-numbing, heart-wrenching. But I finally got it out.

I told her that I'd miss her. I told her that I would call when I landed. And I told her that this wasn't the end. And I kissed her goodbye.

The walk through the airport felt more like I walking to face a firing squad than to go home.

And the plane ride was boring. I blared music through my headphones, but I didn't hear any of it. I turned off all the thoughts in my head and succumbed to the melancholy, which surrounded me like a cloud. I barely realized when it was time to get off the plane, to get back into my life. Or the life I had had before her.

We had a thirty second conversation in the airport about how the plane had landed safely and that was it.

I found her car easily enough—there weren't too many Porsches at the Port Angeles airport. And she was sitting there looking very uneasy. I had expected to have to deal with hyper, easily excited Alice, but this chill one was nice. I kind of liked her again when she was like this.

"Hey," I said as I slid into the passenger seat. "Thanks for doing this."

"No problem," she replied. She was worried. I could tell that she was worried. "How are you doing?"

"Alice, I know I look like shit, but, don't worry, I feel a million times worse than that."

She sighed quietly. "I'm sorry. I wish I knew something else to say."

"Don't worry about it. Just get me home, so that the real fun can start," I replied sarcastically.

It was quiet for about a minute and a half before Alice felt the need to talk again. Typical.

"Not that I mind or anything—because, honestly, I really don't—but why did you ask me to pick you up? I know that you wouldn't tell your parents, because you wouldn't actually tell them that you are flying in. But why not Jasper or Em or even Rosalie? These days you like Rosalie more than you like me. And, for that matter, why did you call me for advice when you were gone? We've barely spoken in months and all of a sudden we're best friends again?"

God, I didn't want to deal with this shit now. But I was in the car with her for the next hour, so we might as well pretend like we are on Dr. fucking Phil and work out our issues. Whatever. She wasn't going to shut up about it until I told her.

"Which question do you want me to answer first?" I said, throwing my head back and closing my eyes.

"Why did you ask me to pick you up from the airport?"

I figured that honesty had helped me with Bella, it would probably work with Alice too. "Because, regardless of the fact that you are the biggest gossip I know, I knew that I would be a wreck today and I didn't want them to see me like that. And I knew that you wouldn't tell. Was I wrong?"

She shook her head and kept her eyes on the road. "I didn't tell Jasper that I was coming to get you. I told him I was going shopping. I figured that if you wanted him to know that you were home, you'd tell him."

Wow. That was actually more than I had expected from her.

"What question do you want now?" I asked, signing my own warrant.

Alice turned to look at me and she was sad. And, fuck, I was not in the mood to deal with someone else's emotions right now. I was still trying to turn mine off.

"Why are we friends anymore?" she asked. "I mean, fuck, Edward, we've lived next door to one another since we were little kids. You were the first boy I kissed. And, up until a couple of months ago, we were good friends. Then, you started being pissy and ignoring me, so what was your problem?"

"You started hooking up with Jasper," I exclaimed, a little shocked at my reaction. I blamed it on stress.

Alice got quiet. "So? You were jealous?"

I snorted. "Fuck no. But it's not going to end well for you guys. I know both of you. And when it ends, I'm going to have to pick a side."

"So, you're choosing his?" Alice rolled her eyes. "Why does it have to end badly for us?"'

Jasper was going to fucking murder me in my sleep for what I was about to say, but I said it anyway, not really valuing my life when it didn't consist of Bella on a daily basis. "Because he has been in love with you since middle school and you can't even stand him."

Her jaw fell open. "I wonder why. He's a complete dick to me all the time, excluding coitus, but not excluding fellatio." I covered my ears, not at all wanting to hear about their sex lives from her. I heard about it enough from Jasper. Alice backhanded me. "The point is, Jasper isn't in love with me. He's in love with getting laid."

I looked down at my Vans. "No, Ali. He's in love with you. Trust me," I replied completely serious.

"Yeah, well, he's got a shitty way of showing it."

"It's a shield. We're all afraid that you girls will break our hearts, so we act like we don't care about you. It's easier to be a jackass than deal with being in love with you and then you leaving."

"Did you love her?" Alice asked after being quiet for the longest interval I had ever seen her silent.

"Did I? Or do I? Or will I? Because for me they are the same. Yeah, I love her. And she's gone or I'm gone or whoever the fuck is gone."

Alice reached up and rubbed the back of my neck for a few seconds. "It'll work itself out. I know it will."

I was buttering some bread in the kitchen when my mother walked in. She gasped when she saw me and dropped her bags. She rushed over and hugged me.

"Oh, Edward, I've missed you. How was your flight? Why didn't you tell your father or I your arrival time?" she asked hurriedly and then her forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Are you cooking?"

"Just a grilled cheese. I was hungry."

Esme put her hands on her hips. "Since when do you know how to make grilled cheese?"

I tilted my head back and squinted my eyes. "Since June eighteenth. Yeah."

Then the buzzer for the dryer went off.

"Are you doing laundry?" she asked in a panicked voice.

I would have laughed if I wasn't so fucking depressed.

"Yeah."

Esme ran into the laundry room and came back a few seconds later. She looked confused as hell. It was humorous. I wasn't so sad that I didn't see that.

"You were doing your own laundry?"

I flipped the grilled cheese in the frying pan, smiling slightly to myself that it had turned out perfectly. "I'm eighteen, not eight. I figured it was about time that I learned how to survive on my own. College is next year."

"I thought that you were staying close, going to University of Washington." I was sure that she had come up with this idea on the spot, because we had never discussed colleges. But, of course, she would choose step-daddy's alma mater.

"Actually, I was thinking about following in my dad's footsteps and going to Washington State, maybe playing college ball there. You know, they've given me some offers, but I bet they would look at me more intently if they knew that my dad helped them win a national championship in his freshman year."

And there it was. I had revealed my hand sooner than I had planned, but it felt good. It felt good to talk about him, to watch the anxiety on my mother's face.

"What do you want me to say, Edward?" she asked putting her hands on her hips and looking at me sternly.

"I want you to tell me why you never talked about him, even when I was a little kid. I want to know why my grandmother was a complete stranger to me. I want to know who he was and what he loved. And I want to know why the fuck did you marry Carlisle three months after burying my father."

Her face hardened. But she stood silent. Not saying a single word.

I threw my grilled cheese onto a plate and walked out of the kitchen.

"That's what I thought," I yelled as I went up the stairs to my bedroom.

Welcome back to Forks, Edward.

**Chapter 18: Hope is Pullin' Punches**

"Something Is Not Right With Me" by Cold War Kids.

BPOV

I spent way too much time getting ready for school in the morning. It was just the first day. It didn't mean shit. But I still spent a lot of time getting ready. I had picked out clothes the night before, but, come morning, I changed my mind. I had planned on straightening my hair, but the humidity sucked, so I left it wavy. And I put on makeup and everything. But I couldn't make myself eat breakfast.

I pulled into the parking lot feeling something like a mixture between anxiety and death. Senior year. School had always been a source of dread for me. I had never really fit in to any one group or category. But it felt different this time. I knew people, well, person.

The first thing that I did after parking my car was find the office and then I got my schedule. The woman called me "Isabella." Not even my grandparents called me that. After looking over my classes unhappily, I walked out of the building and started looking around. I felt so out of place, so out of my element.

And everyone else seemed to notice too, because they all gave me weird looks and stared for far too long. I despised the attention. But I kept repeating over and over again in my head that it was worth it.

I walked back to my car to get my backpack and that's when I saw him. God, he looked so perfect, leaning up against a silver car. He looked brooding and disinterested and sad. But, fuck, he was just as beautiful as always. I took a deep breath, putting my backpack on, and walked toward him.

He didn't notice me at first.

"Edward," I said quietly, but his head shot up.

He hit the shoulder of the blonde guy standing next to him. "Tell me that you see her, that I'm not hallucinating."

The blonde guy, I assumed from Edward's description to be Jasper, said, "Short brunette who said your name, yeah."

Edward laughed. "Holy fuck, Bella. Why aren't you in Phoenix?" I smiled and opened my mouth, but Jasper spoke again.

"Phoenix? Is this the girl that you've been fucking all summer?"

My jaw dropped. Was this guy being serious? And as the silence continued on without a rebuttal from Edward, I knew where Jasper had gotten his information. I was so pissed that my eyes started to fill up with tears.

"Really, Edward? We fucked this summer? It must not have been very good because I don't remember that at all." His jaw set in place, but he still didn't say anything. "Silence. Shit. I guess that's what I get for trusting you. Though I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You screwed everyone else in this town, why not me too?"

I turned around and pushed through the crowd of people that had apparently gathered. I was bawling by this point and would probably snap on anyone who tried to get in my way. I heard a voice calling my name, but I just kept walking. I turned into the bathroom and the clack of heels followed me.

"Bella," this short little girl said my name. Alice. "I've been chasing you for a while, but it's so hard to run in Jimmy Choos."

"What do you want?" I asked angrily. She simply handed me a tissue as I continued to cry.

"I'm Alice," she replied.

"I know."

The girl put her arm around me. "He's being a jackass. I know it and I'm not standing up for him, I'm simply stating that he really does care about you. He does. And that I fully blame Jasper for his silence."

I scoffed. "You mean the silence that resulted in the entire town of Forks now thinking that I've slept with him?" I couldn't believe that I had ever trusted him, that I had ever believed a single word out of his mouth. God, this was such a mistake.

"It's not a big deal. Everyone has slept with Edward." As if this was supposed to make me feel better.

"Okay, one, I've never had sex with that douche bag and, two, it's a big deal when you are the police chief's daughter."

Alice gasped. "Oh my god, no." She growled quietly. "I'm going to kick both of their scrawny asses."

"Yeah, I moved in yesterday. What am I supposed to do? I can't go back home. I promised Charlie that I would stay the entire school year. That was the fucking agreement. God, I hate him. "

Alice was quiet for a few minutes and she looked like she was thinking. It frightened me, but she seemed sympathetic, at least okay. I needed a friend and she was the only one to run after me.

"Okay. Here's the plan: you're going to stick with me and we are going to make them both cry."

"You keep saying both," I responded, wiping the last trace of tears.

"Jasper helped cause this mess. Plus, he's a dick."

I shrugged. "Fine. What do you need me to do?"

EPOV

I leaned against the Volvo and stared at the black Prius and wondered whose it was, because it was already making me depressed and shit. I was going to have to key it or something, so that it didn't stick around. I was not going to survive a whole year looking at a car that was exactly like hers.

"Edward," a voice said quietly.

I looked up and there she stood. She was beautiful and perfect. And I knew that I must have finally snapped, because now I was seeing her everywhere.

I hit Jasper's shoulder. "Tell me that you see her, that I'm not hallucinating."

"Short brunette who said your name, yeah," he said.

I laughed out loud. "Holy fuck, Bella. Why aren't you in Phoenix?"

I was freaking out. I needed to be chill, to be cool. It was just a girl. Okay, it wasn't just a girl, it was fucking Bella. In Forks. She was here. What did that mean? Was she staying?

If she was staying that meant I'd have to tell the truth to Jasper. I had lied. The lie was easy for him to swallow. The truth would have gotten me laughed out of town. I had been with this smoking hot girl the entire summer and barely touched her.

"Phoenix? Is this the girl that you've been fucking all summer?"

I didn't know how to respond. That was what I had told him. It wasn't true. And we already had the attention of the entire school. These people knew me. What was I supposed to say? No, we haven't slept together but I'm madly in love with her. I quoted Shakespeare for her and bought her flowers and promised that I wouldn't kiss another girl. Whenever I was with her, I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. And whenever we were apart I felt like part of my soul was missing.

I looked up and she was crying.

"Really, Edward? We fucked this summer? It must not have been very good because I don't remember that at all."

I felt my jaw set. I knew this was my fault. I knew that I should speak, but I couldn't force my mouth to open and say the words. I was frozen and pissed and an idiot.

"Silence. Shit. I guess that's what I get for trusting you. Though I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You screwed everyone else in this town, why not me too?"

It stung. And I wanted to run after her, but my pride was saying to not ruin what I had spent my entire life building. I was Edward fucking Cullen. I did not chase after girls. Girls chased after me.

And then this stupid ass voice inside of me kept yelling, "You don't deserve her."

Alice slapped me hard across the face.

"You really fucked that up," she informed me, before turning to Jasper. "And you should probably find someone else to blow you after school, because I'm sick of your shit. Grow up and decide what you want."

And then she took off in her high heels screaming Bella's name.

We had Biology together first period. And Bella showed up late, so the only seat left was next to me, which made her start crying again. She took her stool and scooted it as far away from me as the table would allow. And when I tried to talk to her, tried to apologize, she just put all of her hair to the side and used it as a shield to defend herself from me.

I tried following her to her locker after class, but she wouldn't say one word to me, wouldn't even look at me. I fucked up big time. And I didn't know how to fix it.

At lunch, Bella sat with Alice on the complete other side of the cafeteria from where we all usually sat. And I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She looked so sad. And I knew that I had caused it.

"I don't know why Alice is siding with her. It's not even a big deal," Rosalie said, throwing in her two cents, as always. "So what? She slept with you. It's not like it's an accomplishment."

I was in no mood to deal with her. "Emmett, keep your bitch in check."

"Excuse me?" Rose exclaimed.

"You heard me," I replied. "Shut your whore mouth."

She flipped her blonde hair angrily, looking like Pissed-Off Barbie. "I'm the whore?"

"Yes, that is the term used to describe someone who goes down on the entire football team just so that she gets voted homecoming queen."

Jasper snickered. "Nice," he said. I shot him a glare. He was still on my hit list, but didn't seem to realize it.

"You've slept with every girl in our grade, excluding the fugly girls who won't even get touched until they are in their forties," she sneered.

"I haven't had you, Peaches," I said with a fake smile.

Rose laughed. "No, but why don't you tell Jasper about how you had Alice before he did."

Fuck Rosalie. She was a hateful bitch. Jasper looked at me livid.

"What?"

She giggled. "How do you think she got so good at oral?"

I got up and threw my tray away before any more secrets came to light. I'd already lost Bella and Alice. Now, Jasper was gone. Rosalie was a fucking bitch and could rot in hell for all I cared. And Emmett would side with the girl that was giving him orgasms, so I was fucked.

In one week everything had gone from perfect to hell.

**Chapter 19: Stay Up To See The Dawn**

"Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" by Vampire Weekend.

It wasn't until halfway through last period Spanish that I remembered that I was Jasper's ride home. That was going to be awkward. He fucked up things with the girl I loved. And I fucked the girl he loved. This was Jerry Springer shit.

I took my time putting my books precisely in my locker, avoiding the parking lot at any cost. But I could only do so much. It was the first day and I only had like three books. I arranged them alphabetically, by height, and by order. And then I decided to stop being a pussy and deal with this mess.

Instead of my ex-best friend, Emmett was leaning against my car.

"About time, Cullen," he exclaimed when I was within shouting distance. "Rosalie was about to go psycho and leave me here."

"What, Em?" I asked, trying to not yell at him. He hadn't done shit. This wasn't his fault. He didn't deserve me being a dick.

"Jasper told me to tell you that he'll find another way home, because you are a…let me find the piece of paper." I watched as he pulled a folded up sheet of paper from his pocket. "Because you are a back-stabbing little fucker and that he would rather hack off both of his feet with a rusty axe and crawl home than be in the same fucking granny vehicle with you for two minutes. A curse on you and on your car."

Under any other circumstances, I would have started laughing. That was so typical Jasper. But, at that moment, it was just another indication of what I had lost in eight hours.

"Thanks for telling me," I told Emmett. "I hope it doesn't get you into too much trouble with Rosie."

He frowned. "She hates it when you call her that," he said. "And you and Jasper need to just kiss and make up because I'm not going to be your little messenger boy, arranging times for you to give back friendship bracelets and mixed tapes."

I brushed my hair back and sighed. "I don't think it's fixable, Em.

"If you wanted to fix it badly enough, you would." And then he got into the driver's seat of Rosalie's BMW. He was the only one that she ever let drive that car. And it still surprised me that she would willingly give up being in control to someone else.

I got in my car and drove home. I never would have imagined that I would be anxious to get home. That place was cold and empty and uncomfortable, but it felt like a refuge after the day I had had.

Esme was in the kitchen. She smiled brightly at me. "How was your day?"

I grimaced and left the room the way that I had just came. I went up to my room and put on black shorts and an old t-shirt. I pulled my tennis shoes from the closet. I needed a run to clear my head.

I ran the three miles to the nearest gas station and was unable to coax any happy or soothing thoughts into my brain. My brain just kept yelling that I was a fuck up. I had heard that voice most of my life, but usually it let up after it thought I got the point. Now it wasn't stopping, because this time I had fucked up badly.

I stopped in at the gas station and bought a bottle of water and downed it. Then I ran back to where my house was, a little past Forks city limits. My mind kept pounding into my brain just how bad it was for me, whipping every other thought into submission.

I reached the front porch, completely out of breath. And he was sitting there, looking all miserable. And, fuck my life, we were going to have to deal with this right here and now.

"Your mom said that you were gone, but the Volvo was still here. I assumed you went for a run," he said.

"Why would you assume that?" I asked.

"Because you always go running when you are pissed. Though I'm not quite sure why you're pissed. I didn't sleep with the girl that you are in love with," Jasper replied angrily.

"No, but you fucked things up with Bella."

"So?" he asked. The punch connected with his jaw. Jasper's eyes darkened. "What the hell?"

"I love her," I yelled.

It looked like someone let the air out of Jasper, because one second he was standing tall like a badass and then he looked like a wounded puppy. Hurt and scared. "What?" he asked.

I sighed. I was sick of hiding this shit. I should have just been honest in the first place. It took a second deep breath before I was able to say it. "I love Bella. Nothing happened in Phoenix. I kissed her and that's about it."

Jasper backhanded me so hard that it momentarily knocked the air out of my lungs. "Fuck, Edward. Why didn't you just tell me that? And why didn't you tell me about Alice?"

I sat down on the porch. "She asked me not to," I replied. "It wasn't a big deal, Jasper. It was freshman year and she didn't want to end up going to some party, getting wasted, and wake up next to some creepy senior. So she asked me to take her virginity. It wasn't romance or love. It was sex."

"So, it was just the once?" he asked. Fuck.

"It was a few times," I replied quietly.

"How many is a few?"

"I don't know, Jasper. A few. It's not like I carved her name into my bedposts every time we did it."

Jasper put his head in his hands for a few seconds and groaned loudly. "I love her. You knew that shit and you did this anyway? What I said this morning was fucking screwed up; I realize that. But you didn't even defend your girl. What kind of pussy does that?"

He got up off the porch and walked toward his car. I jumped off the porch and ran after him.

"I'm not going to say I'm sorry for Alice. Maybe I should have told you."

He whipped around to face me. "You definitely should have told me. God, you can't just keep the important shit like that quiet."

"Are we okay?" I asked.

"No, we're not fucking okay."

I groaned. "What's it going to take?"

"You got to punch me for Bella. I get to punch you for Alice."

I closed my eyes and tried to relax my face. "Fine." The anticipation was killing me, until finally I felt his fist connect with my cheekbone. It stung like hell. "Fuck, Jasper," I exclaimed.

"Now we're good," he said smiling. Fucker. "So, what are we going to do to get our women back?"

"Grovel. Apologize. Beg. Not be complete jackasses to them."

BPOV

"Bella," I heard Charlie yell from downstairs. I had just woken up, so I stumbled down the stairs to find out what was up and hoped that this wasn't going to be a morning tradition, because I was so not up for this.

What, or rather who, I found downstairs surprised me, but probably not as much as it should have. She had said that this was an intricate plan. I just hadn't known that it involved six a.m. wake up calls and hair straighteners. Alice already looked fabulous, ready for a runway, and it made me wonder if she ever slept.

Maybe she didn't require sleep.

"Good morning," she said cheerfully. And I knew I was going to require coffee to function. "Are you ready to get revenge on those two immature peons?"

"Who?" Charlie asked gruffly.

"Jasper Whitlock and Edward Cullen," Alice replied, still cheerful as high heaven.

Charlie turned to look at me. "I take it that things didn't work out as planned."

I smiled, already feeling Alice's evil planning affecting me. "Edward Cullen is a spineless jackass who can go to hell."

"Ah," Charlie said, taking a sip of his coffee. "Good to know."

Alice grabbed my arm. "Let's go get ready, Bella." And she pulled me up the stairs, even though it was my house and she had never been here before.

It took hours of primping, but I was finally ready. Alice left her Porsche at my house and I drove in my car. She said that we needed to make an entrance together and that Edward had history with my car, so that it would instantly remind him of that. I was nervous—my skirt was too short and my heels were too high—but I knew that this was necessary.

I parked the car as close to his car as I could. Alice and I climbed out and she linked her arm with mine. It was a sign of solidarity, but also would help me from falling on my ass in front of the entire school.

I glanced over at Jasper and Edward, who were leaning against the silver car again. Their eyes were wide and their jaws had dropped. Good. This was very good.

Alice giggled and leaned close to whisper in my ear. "So far, so good. Just stick to the plan and they'll be weeping by lunch."

EPOV

Fuck.

I saw her step out of her car and then she and Alice got all buddy-buddy. And, fuck, I was an idiot. How could I even think that my reputation or status or breathing was more important than Bella? Because that was very clearly not the case. And especially not when she looked so damn fuckable.

She was at our table in Biology before I was. And Newton was sitting on the table talking to her. And she was smiling and laughing. And I was the one that was supposed to be making her smile and laugh and not that prick Newton.

I dropped my book down on the table and everyone in the room jumped, except for Bella. It's like she had been expecting it. Her smile didn't falter the entire time, even when Newton's eyes glanced from Bella to me and then back to Bella.

"That sounds really cool. You'll have to let me know when you guys go to the beach," she replied, ignoring me like a pro.

Newton looked a little freaked out, but nodded. "Okay, yeah, definitely."

She twirled her hair around her finger and I got the mental image of me tangling my fingers in her hair as went down on me. Shit.

"Are you going to be at Alice's party tomorrow?"

Newton glanced at me again nervously. I was glaring at him. And he had to be recalling the time that I kicked the crap out of him two years ago when he was drunk and tried to feel up Rosalie. Good times.

"Will you be there?" he asked. She nodded and giggled. And, fuck, I knew she was doing this all intentionally, but it was driving me crazy. Everything she said or did reminded me of something back in Phoenix before I had fucked it all up.

She bit her bottom lip. "Definitely."

The bell rang and that meant Newton had to go sit down. Sad. "Then, I'll be there." He lingered for a couple more seconds, until I slammed my fist onto the table. His eyes grew with terror and he practically ran across the room.

I leaned, trying to close the distance between us, since she was still sitting as far away from me as physically possible. "Bella."

She glanced over at me with contempt. It was more than I had expected from her. She had barely looked at me since yesterday morning.

"Mike Newton? Seriously?" I asked, trying to keep the envy from my voice.

Bella pushed the hair from out of her eyes and looked straight into mine. "You don't get to be jealous, Edward. You are the one that fucked this up."

And damn it, she was right.

But I was going to fix this. I didn't know how, but I had to pull my head out of my ass and get this shit back together. Because I couldn't deal with being this close to Bella and not being able to kiss her or touch her or make her squirm and squeal and scream.

I couldn't deal with sitting right next to her and having her hate me. I couldn't tell her that I loved her. I couldn't tell her that given the opportunity, I would go back and fix this.

She had told me that she was tired of my apologies.

That meant I had to find some other way to make this better. I had to prove to her that I really did care. I had to be the guy that she needed and wanted and deserved…again.

**Chapter 20: The World Could Be Burning**

"Dark Blue" by Jack's Mannequin

"Where is she?"

That was the first thing that I said to Alice when I saw her. Ali was standing in the kitchen with a beer in her hand and she looked all sluttish. And I knew it was to make Jasper miss her. It was working too because he was standing a few feet away just staring at her and I would have bet that by the end of the night he would have either confessed everything or given up hope. He was hopeless over her.

Alice looked up at me in annoyance.

"She's not here."

"What?" I yelled, trying to be heard over the music blaring in the living room.

Alice leaned close to me. "She told me after school that she wasn't going to come tonight."

"Why not?" I yelled back. She just shook her head and shrugged.

I tried to push past the hordes of people. Bella was the only reason I was going to even come tonight. I was going to beg for her forgiveness and do whatever it took to get her back. It was like the second I stepped back into Forks I turned back into the douche bag that I had worked so hard to escape. That wasn't who I was anymore. That wasn't who I wanted to be.

Bella had shown up to school this morning in just jeans and a t-shirt, a far cry from what she had worn the day before. But she still looked beautiful. And she smiled softly, sadly, at me when I said hi to her this morning. She even said hi back, but I could tell that it was a struggle for her.

Jessica, a girl that I had slept with too many times, stepped in front of me, blocking my path to the door. She wrapped her arms around me and swayed her hips seductively. And she leaned close to whisper "I've missed you" in my ear.

But I wasn't in the mood for this. All of the allure that she had held for me was gone. She wasn't the girl I wanted.

As politely as I could, I disentangled her from me and excused myself. I ran through the forest that separated Alice's property from ours. And I ran upstairs to get my keys. My mother stopped me on the way down.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I…I screwed up…badly. And I need her to forgive me, but I think it might be too late. I've made too many mistakes. I just keep screwing up and she deserves so much better. And every time I try to be better, I just end up falling short." I felt tears welling up, so I swallowed hard.

"Who are you talking about?" She looked so concerned and worried. I hadn't seen her look that scared since I got lost in the mall when I was seven. She had been so happy when the security guy found me that she had bought me ice cream and a new baseball glove.

"Her name is Bella," I said quietly. "She's the one who taught me to cook and clean and the reason why I wanted to stay in Phoenix."

"What happened?"

"She moved in with her dad, who happens to live in Forks. And she saw the me that I hate, so now she hates me too."

My mom put her arm around my shoulder. It felt weird but was oddly comforting. "You really care about her."

"Yeah," I replied, nodding my head.

"Then tell her. Be completely honest." I kissed her forehead and walked out of the room.

I don't remember the drive to her house at all, but suddenly I'm knocking on Chief Swan's door, which is somewhere that I never thought that I would be unless we were playing some kind of prank on him. He opened the door with a shotgun in one hand and I backed away. That was scary as hell. Chief Swan didn't usually intimidate me, but there was something about this situation that made me fearful.

"Oh my god, Dad," I heard Bella say from somewhere inside the house. "Put the gun down and let him inside."

He lowered the gun, but didn't make any move to let me enter his house. "Why are you here, Cullen?" he asked.

I swallowed. "I need to talk to Bella."

I looked down and saw that his finger was tracing along the trigger. "About what?"

"About how I'm an idiot and how I'm sorry and how…I'll do anything if she can just forgive me."

I looked up and Charlie's face was still hard. But Bella was standing there too. She looked apprehensive and I couldn't blame her for that.

"Can you give us a few minutes?" she asked her dad. He nodded.

Bella came outside and sat down on the porch. A few seconds later I sat beside her, leaving enough space so that she wouldn't flip out, but not so much that I wasn't close to her. God, I missed her.

The sky was littered with stars and it reminded me of the night that I had made her dinner for the first time. The Phoenix sky had been so clear. Except everything was so different now. We weren't together. We barely spoke to one another. And looking at her was just a reminder of how much I had hurt her.

"You're quiet again," she whispered after a few minutes. "I thought that you came to talk to me?"

"I don't know what to say," I replied.

"Just say something. Say something that is true and honest and real," she begged.

I replied with the first thing that popped into my mind. "Sitting on this porch with you is the closest thing I have had to happiness in a while, even if the circumstances are completely fucked up."

She sighed loudly. And I turned to look at her. "How am I supposed to respond to that, Edward?" Bella asked.

"I can't do this anymore. I tried doing it Alice's way, being vindictive and evil, but that's not me. I don't want to be that girl. And those high heels hurt like hell. As much as I want you to suffer for how much you hurt me with your silence, I cannot make myself wish that on you. Because…I just, I can't. I know how badly you've been hurt by people you care about and I refuse to be another one.

"I care about you, Edward. I do, so I'm going to be civil and make this stay in Forks moderately pleasant for us. Or at least not miserable. But I don't know how I'm supposed to trust you. I gave you my heart once and you broke it. And I don't think that I could do that again."

I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach. "What are you saying?"

"I think that we should officially break up." Tears started cascading down her cheeks and I wanted to be the one to wipe them away. But that wasn't my job anymore.

It felt like she had kicked me in the stomach. And then used my lungs as a trampoline. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't feel anything but pain and emptiness where Bella used to be.

"For what it's worth," I said quietly, feeling as my voice started to change key and hit a few sour notes. "I'm sorry. I know that this is all my fault. And I wish that there was some way to fix this."

"Me too," I heard her whisper.

I stood up, needing to get away before I fell apart completely. She stood too. And she wrapped her arms around me tightly, pinning my arms down so that I couldn't even hug her properly.

"Good night," she said, but it felt like 'goodbye.'

She went inside and I sprinted to my car, only making it to the parking lot of the little grocery store before the tears made driving impossible and dangerous. I don't know how long I stayed there. But I let the tears run their course until I felt completely empty.

And then I drove back home. My mom and Carlisle were definitely asleep. Within seconds of falling into bed, I was asleep.


	5. Part 5

**Chapter 21: Cause Everything is Different**

"Smile Upon Me" by Passion Pit

In the two and a half months after that night, I still hadn't managed to completely rebuild what it had taken me less than two and a half minutes to destroy.

It was hell to sit next to her on Monday, to see her walking down the hallway, to glance at her as she got into her car, and know that I was the reason that her eyes were puffy, the reason she wasn't smiling. She looked like hell, but still completely beautiful. I knew that I looked like hell too. I didn't care for a really long time about my appearance. Alice got disgusted and asked Emmett to force me to take a shower and shave. Apparently, I had been reduced to that, to people having to force me to bathe.

It never really got any easier to see her but not be with her. It terrorized me inside every second, but on the surface it became time to recover, to appear normal. And she did first. It hurt like hell the day that she came into Biology smiling and said hi to me again for the first time in weeks. But I swallowed the intense pain and smiled back, because I needed this girl in my life. I couldn't survive if she wasn't.

I knew that she didn't need me, not the person that I was in Forks, so I decided that it was time for a dramatic overhaul of my life. No parties. No drugs. No casual sex with girls who could barely spell "casual." I focused on school, on keeping my grades up, so if something happened with baseball—no scholarship offers or messing up my shoulder or something—I could still get into a good school. And after school I worked out at the gym for a couple of hours. Then I ran six miles to get back in shape, even though baseball season was still months away.

And I started to play the piano again. I'd approached the thing after a really bad day, remembering that it used to bring me joy, that it had once made me happy to hear something amazing come from pressing a few keys. I sat down and played my favorite song from when I was a little kid and then Esme's favorite. And then this song just poured out of me without any hesitation. It was painful and beautiful and tragic and I knew instantly that it was about her. My mom had snuck in sometime during my impromptu performance and I heard her crying. She sniffled loudly.

"It's beautiful," she had said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "But it's so sad."

I looked down and nodded slightly.

"It worries me to see you sad all the time." She came and sat down on the bench beside me, so I started to play another song.

"I'm sorry. I messed up. And I will fix it, but it's going to take time."

My mom put her arm around me, something that she had been doing more often lately. "I like who you are becoming."

Since I wasn't out partying every weekend, I was spending more and more hours at home. And being pissed at my mom was too much work. I started out just being impassive with her, not instigating or responding. I probably would have stayed that way, but she tried to have the first conversation we had about my dad since I yelled at her the day I got back into Forks. And it was actually a conversation. She told that I walked like him. That's it. I'd seen the pictures; I looked exactly like my father. I played the same sport he did. Grandma told me that I was a smartass just like him. But I shut my mouth and let her tell me how my stride and the way I carried myself was exactly the same as my dad's and that that was why she first noticed him.

During those months, I didn't really hang out with my friends the way that I usually did. The first month was more out of defense of them. I was a serious mess and didn't want to ruin their fun. And then, after that, I was worried about if it was possible for me to be the person I wanted to be and their friend. Jasper and I didn't really talk at all. I think that she talked to him more than I did, because she was still hanging out with Alice. And Alice and Jasper were all over each other. I was happy that she had Alice, that she had a friend who would look out for her. I felt no need to be friends with Rosalie, but occasionally Emmett came over and played MLB '10 with me. And Alice was more of Bella's buddy now, and I didn't want to infringe, so I stayed away.

That's why it surprised me so much when Alice was all over me the second that I stepped out of my car. She was hyperactive as always. Jasper just stood behind her like a scared child meeting a stranger.

"Edward, I've missed you," she said, throwing her arms around me tightly. "We never see you anymore. You have to come to my fall break party tonight. It's going to be really chill."

I frowned. Fall break. Bella and I were supposed to be flying out to California to spend fall break together. That had been the plan.

"I don't know," I replied.

"Come on," she whined. "Please."

I sighed and looked down at my Vans. "Is she going to be there?"

"Why? Are you still pining after her?" Hell yes.

I shrugged. "I just don't want to make it awkward for her."

Alice smiled so wide. "I already talked to her. She said it would be fine. So, you're coming?" I looked up at Jasper and he nodded at me.

"I'll think about it," I replied. Alice groaned and walked off, pulling Jasper along behind her. He rolled his eyes, but followed his woman.

I walked into Biology nervously—the same as every other day. Bella and I had gotten back on friendly terms. We actually had conversations which weren't about the homework or how bad Banner's new toupee was, but it had taken all this time to get that far. And it still made my heart go nuts when she smiled and all the blood in my body rush to my cock when she bit her bottom lip. She still captivated me, still had a grip on my heart, whether she realized it or not.

A month ago, I had apologized again for the mess that I had made and she seemed to accept it. And we started to move forward as friends. That wasn't what I wanted, but, at this point, I just needed her in my life in some form.

Bella sat down next to me a minute after I came into the room. She no longer pulled her chair far away. But she also didn't pull it any closer. Bella's eyes were shining and she wore a smile that made my lips twitch.

"You missed it," Bella said, giggling slightly.

"What did I miss?"

She laughed again for a few seconds. "Alice just got on her knees and begged me to convince you to come to her party tonight, so you're coming."

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"It wasn't a question," she said commandingly, still smiling. "Alice is threatening to cut my hair."

I loved her hair. On impulse, I reached out to touch a strand, but I stopped myself and brought my hand back down. I sighed nervously. "Well, if it's for a good cause, I suppose I can go for an hour or so."

She bit her bottom lip and folded her hands on the table. "I've never been to one of Alice's parties. What are they like?"

I laughed once. "Insane. Lots of drunk people and lots of hooking up. Lots of people throwing up."

She grimaced. "Do you think I'll have fun?"

I nodded. "Stick with people you know. Don't get wasted. Stay as far away from Mike Newton as possible. You'll be fine."

"Do you think you'll have fun?" It sounded like a simple enough question, but my brain was interpreting it a million different ways. I shrugged.

"I don't know. It's not really my scene anymore."

She looked down at the table. "I've noticed."

Before I had time to process or respond to that simple two word phrase, Banner came into the room and started class. She was quiet for the rest of class, focusing on the lecture. But my brain kept flipping those two words around, dissecting them and interpreting them, trying to figure out just what the hell she meant with them.

At lunch, I decided to sit with them for the first time in a long time. I approached their table and Ali gasped. "Can I?" I asked.

She nodded violently and kicked out the seat between Jasper and Bella. It felt oddly symbolic. I sat down and ate mostly in silence. Alice would throw out little questions every once in a while. I'd answer them and then go back to the delicious applesauce that had the consistency of soup.

Bella's arm brushed up against mine and I swear that I stopped breathing. That's how much I longed for her withheld touch. I didn't know if she considered the promise we made about being faithful still valid, but I did. She was the one for me—my Juliet. No other girls could even compare. So that meant that the only action I had gotten lately involved my own hand.

Our eyes met, and she blushed and moved away. I glanced up and Alice and Jasper were sharing a look and, hell, I was dense and I could tell what they were communicating with their eyes. They could tell that I still loved her.

And they looked like they were scheming.

After school I worked out in the weight room like always and drove home. I parked my car in front of the house and instantly took off on my run. When I came back, her black car was pulling into the driveway. I took deep breaths, panting from run.

She stepped out of her car, blushing, and looking at the ground nervously. "Um," she said, before giggling. "I'm supposed to help Alice set up early for her party, but I was wondering if I could park here, because it's going to be crazy at her house and I will probably be leaving early."

I pulled my shirt up a little bit to wipe the sweat off my face. She gasped. And I smiled to myself that I still had an effect on her, even if it was just physical.

"Yeah, that's fine," I said, brushing my sweaty hair back. "Tell Ali that I'll be over in a little bit to help too. I just got to go shower."

She licked her bottom lip and I stifled a groan. "I will. See you soon."

"Yeah," I replied, needing to get into a shower quickly.

**Chapter 22: You Are My Heroine**

"Hero/Heroine" by Boys Like Girls

It was only a few seconds after I pulled on my favorite green t-shirt that there was a knock on my bedroom door. I pulled it open slightly without looking who it was and went to look at myself in the mirror. The shower had been effective in washing all of the sweat and grime off of me, but not so much in relaxing me. I was still keyed up.

"Short of plastic surgery, there's nothing you can do to fix how ugly you are, Cullen."

I snorted. "Look who's talking, Whitlock. You had to settle for Alice, because you couldn't get any other girl," I joked.

He didn't find it amusing and sat down on my bed. "Speaking of the wife, I'm supposed to make sure that you look pretty. I told her it was impossible, but she thinks I'm magical or fucking Harry Potter or something." I started laughing. I had missed this kid.

"Why is Ali so worried about how pretty I look? Are we going to be taking prison photos again?"

I looked over at him and he seemed to be seriously contemplating something. And that just wasn't Jasper. He blurted out the first shit that entered his mind. That's why we were friends, had been friends, or whatever. He was honest.

"Just spit it out, "I grumbled. "You're giving me a complex." I brushed my hair back and walked into my closet to find shoes. When I came back out, Jasper was waiting.

"You can't tell Alice that I told you, because she would let Rosalie cut off my balls and feed them to those little yappy dogs of hers. But, you're my best friend. And if we had been hanging out these past few months, then you'd know this shit already, because it's important and you should know. You have that right."

"Shit, Jasper, I will stab you," I threatened.

"Bella still likes you," he said. And the words stole all the air from the room. "She and Alice talk about you all the time and ignore that I'm there. It's like I'm the fucking invisible man. Or that kid from that superhero movie. Did we ever watch that together? I think we did once when we were high, because nothing about the movie made sense to me. Like the kids have to save the world or something?"

I started to bang my head repeatedly against the closet door. "Shut up, Jasper."

"Oh," he said. "Yeah. Sorry. Important shit that I just dropped on you."

I swallowed hard, trying not to panic or jump for joy. I was trying to be chill. "What else did they say?"

Jasper shrugged. "She's afraid. And she thinks that you're indifferent, which you clearly aren't."

I wrinkled my forehead and slipped on my shoes. "Why do you say that?"

"Besides the obvious-" he said, but I interrupted him.

"What's the obvious?"

Jasper gave me a look that suggested that he doubted my mental capacity. "You are. I mean, fuck, Cullen. You're a different person. You're a decent guy now. And I know that you didn't do that for me or your mom or anyone. You did that for Bella; it's obvious. Or it's obvious to everyone excluding the two of you." He paused to take a quick breath. "Other than that, you should see yourself when you look at her. God, one glance and I knew you were in love with her."

I opened my bedroom door and started walking down the stairs, Jasper following behind me. "So, what am I supposed to do?"

"That's up to you," he told me. "But I really hope that I didn't just risk my balls so that you could be a pussy about this whole thing."

Alice clapped her hands in excitement when Jasper and I walked in through the front door. She practically mauled Jasper. And I just walked quickly away, not in any mood to see them do that. I found Bella standing in the middle of the living room concentrating on something. I threw myself onto the couch and she stared at me for a few seconds.

"Get back up," she ordered. "You have to help me move the furniture in here."

"Yes, ma'am," I replied, saluting. I stood up and walked over beside her, trying not to flip out as I rested my arm against hers.

"I think we should push that couch up against the wall." I shook my head. "Why not?"

"Because that is right next to the speakers. Those people won't be able to talk. And they might possibly go deaf. That'll be all on you, B. Are you ready to shoulder that kind of blame from angry parents?"

She bumped my arm with her shoulder. "Shut up," she replied tersely. "Well, then, what do you suggest that we do with the couch?"

I pointed to the wall by the bathroom door. "There."

She snorted. "That will create all kinds of traffic problems."

"It would not be that bad," I argued back in defense. "And anyway, all of the people who are sitting on the couch are probably going to need to be close to a bathroom or a trashcan or a Lego bucket." Bella shot me a weird look. "Don't ask."

We stood in silence a few more seconds, both of us circling the room until we both stopped walking. "There," I said, pointing to the same corner that she was staring at.

I turned to her and she smiled at me, like a real Bella smile. God, I missed her. I needed her. I smiled back and then looked down at my shoes.

Alice came into the room like a whirlwind, and she pulled Bella up the stairs, only turning long enough to shout orders at me and Jasper, her little slave boy. We set out on the tasks that she commanded. We moved all of the furniture, so that there was room to dance. And we poured all of the million different snacks that Alice had bought into a million different bowls. Jasper set up the speakers and stereo system. That had always been my job, but it had been so long that I wasn't sure that I would have remembered how.

We had the music blaring and everything set up when people started to arrive, though Alice and Bella were still upstairs. Emmett and Rose were the first ones there. They brought the keg. After thirty seconds of yawning and bored looks, Rosalie joined the girls upstairs.

More and more people started filing in and it was starting to get lively. I turned down dancing with eight girls, but they just kept coming, clearly not getting the point. Jasper was in the center of the dance floor looking like epileptic on acid, so everyone cleared a four foot radius around him, so that he wouldn't hurt anyone or himself.

I held a red, plastic cup in my hand, but I was only drinking Coke. Getting wasted and doing something stupid wouldn't bode well with my plan to talk to Bella. I couldn't afford anymore screw ups. I was still recovering from the last one.

I still hadn't seen Bella. Alice had descended a few minutes ago and ran straight to Jasper, trying to contain his spastic dance moves. It was no use though and eventually she was dancing just like him, arms flailing and necks getting whiplash. As much as I had thought otherwise, they really were good together.

A girl name Lauren came up to me. She was wearing this tiny little mini-skirt and a very low cut top. Last year, she had been a regular. This year, I hadn't spoken to her.

"Haven't seen you at a party all year, Cullen. What's up with that?"

I shrugged. "I haven't been in a partying mood."

Lauren put her hand on my chest and looked up at me, trying to be seductive, I suppose. "High school parties are so lame. How about me we leave this thing and go have a party just me and you?"

I carefully removed her hand from my chest. "I can't. I'm sorry."

"Why not?" she screeched, earning her, I guess us, a few looks.

"I…I can't."

And I walked toward the back door. I went and sat in the little gazebo that Alice and I had once played in. She always said that it was her castle and I was the prince who saved her or, if she was mad at me, I was the dragon and she killed me herself.

A minute later, I looked up just as Bella sat down beside me. She looked so beautiful in jeans and a simple top. It wasn't flashy or slutty. She looked just as sexy as she always did.

"I saw you come outside. Are you not enjoying the party?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Like I said, it's not really my scene. I only came to keep your hair safe." I chanced something stupid. I took a strand and twisted it in my fingers. "It would be a shame if Alice cut it." And then I released it.

Bella looked at me and she was blushing slightly. She stood up. "Will you come back inside for me? Just a few more minutes, so that Alice is convinced that I fulfilled my requirement of getting you to the party?"

I nodded and she reached out to help me up. I stood up right in front of her and she was so close. It was the closest we had been in a really long time. I refused to release her hand. Though, to be fair, she didn't really make any move to let go either. I intertwined our fingers and held tightly onto her.

I led her back into the kitchen, praying that it was relatively quiet and that we wouldn't cause too much of a scene by holding hands. The kitchen was full of a bunch of guys from the baseball team. I tried to get away before they noticed me, but it was too late. I smiled apologetically at Bella and pulled her along next to me.

Eric, the short stop, spoke first. "Cullen, is it true?"

"Is what true?" I asked warily.

Tyler, the catcher, said, "Hell yes, it's true. I caught it myself. It was ridiculous. I almost peed my pants."

I laughed, realizing what they were talking about. Tyler had been helping me practice my pitching. We had the gun set up, just to see how fast I was throwing. Last year, the fastest I had thrown was eighty six, which was the second fastest of all the teams we had faced. That pitch had gotten me a lot of press, because it set a new school record.

I nodded. "That's what the gun said."

Eric groaned. "None of the rest of us are going to get in the newspaper if you keep breaking school records."

"It doesn't count; it wasn't during a game. And the radar gun could even be broken. We haven't touched that thing since last year, so there is no guarantee that it is accurate," I replied.

"And, anyway, Eric," Tyler said, defending me. "We will all be in the newspaper when we win state, so fuck off and leave our pitcher alone." I laughed hysterically. Tyler always had my back.

I felt Bella squeeze my hand. "What happened? I'm so confused."

When I looked back up, all of the guys in the room were staring at us curiously. I glared and a few of them looked away. Tyler didn't. He just smiled.

"Cullen threw ninety miles an hour. Twice."

She gasped. "Are you serious? Oh my gosh." Bella smiled wide and it felt like she was proud or something. "That's amazing. I'm going to have to come watch you play this spring so that I can see that."

I nodded. "Yeah, definitely." She wanted to watch me play. She wanted to see me this spring. She was holding my hand in front of my entire baseball team and she didn't care.

Fuck, he were going to have to talk about this.

I pulled Bella from the room and headed for the back door again, figuring that we could cut through the woods between Alice's house and mine. I was so nervous that I think that I started shaking. Just because Jasper said that she liked me, didn't mean shit. It could just be him trying to get me to try again with her.

"Bella," I said, taking a deep breath. "It was really cool to get to hang out with you again."

"Mmhmm," she replied. "It was nice. I've missed it."

We stepped into the forest and I felt her hand cling tighter to mine.

I bottled up all of my fear and just said it. "You think that you'd want to do it again?"

She hesitated, didn't answer. And it scared me. Maybe I was going too fast. Or maybe she was too afraid. I couldn't blame her from trying to protect herself.

Bella stopped walking and turned to face me. It was hard to see her in the darkness, but I could feel her hand still in mine. And, right then, it was enough.

"I know what I said, that I'd never be able to give you a second chance…" she trailed off and I felt panic building in the pit of my stomach. "But, I don't know. You're not the same guy that I said that to. You're more like the guy in Phoenix who quoted Shakespeare to me. And that guy, this guy, you, I would give another chance."

My heart was racing and my mind was buzzing, trying to find significance in that mess of words. "What are you saying?"

She laughed once nervously and I would have bet my Volvo that she was blushing. "I would love to hang out with you again, Edward. But I think that we should take it slow."

Slow, fast, forwards, backwards, up-fucking-side down. It didn't matter. Bella was giving me another chance. I could have flown if I wanted; I was that happy.

We finally made it to her car. She tried to click the automatic unlock, but it wasn't working, so she had to use the key. And then nothing would come on—the car, the lights, nothing. Her car was just dead.

"Do you want me to jump-start it?" I asked.

She shook her head. "It's really confusing on a Prius. I've done it once before, but that was in daylight. Do you think that you could just give me a ride home and I'll have Charlie come pick it up tomorrow?"

I smiled to myself. More time with her. "Yeah, of course. Let me just run in and get my keys."

Bella walked through the front door of my house with a look of worry on her face. I smiled at her, surprised by her reaction. She was always so fearless.

"Do you want to wait here or come with me?" I asked. Bella looked around the foyer in panic.

"With you," she said.

We walked up the stairs quietly, neither of us saying anything. It wasn't until I reached my bedroom door that I realized that she would actually be seeing my room. It made me a little self-conscious. The room back in Phoenix was not my fault. There was nothing that could be done to save the lumpy bed and yellow wallpaper. This was different, personal.

I practically sprinted across the room to my dresser, trying to get in and out. But Bella started wandering around. She looked at the posters and pictures, at the massive shelves that housed my book and music collection. She ran her fingers over the books. I watched her face light up in a smile. Then she turned around and bit her bottom lip.

"I like your room."

"Thanks," I replied.

We walked back down the stairs and had almost made it safely out the front door when I heard my mother's voice. "Edward," she called out. I sighed and pulled Bella into the kitchen with me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

My mom's eyes lit up and she started smiling when she saw Bella. And then she smirked at me when she saw that we were holding hands. She looked so damn smug. I don't know how many times she had said 'if it's meant to be, then it will all work out' and 'love conquers all.' And other tidbits of maternal wisdom.

"Who is your guest?" she asked sweetly. My mom walked from her spot by the counter over to us.

I looked at the floor and then back up. "Mom, this is Bella. Bella, this is my mother."

Esme smiled at her. "It's so good to finally meet you. Edward talks about you all the time." God, mother. I don't talk about Bella all the time. And, even if I did, was it really wise to tell her that?

Bella just giggled though. "What does he say?"

"He goes on and on about how beautiful you are. And I can see why. You are just lovely, dear." Oh dear lord. Why don't you just tell her that I write her name in little hearts on my notebook or that I want to give her my favorite dinosaur toy?

"Thank you," she said. She was blushing of course. And when I chanced a look to see that confirmed, she quickly looked away.

"Was there something you needed, Mom?" I asked. She shook her head quickly.

"Nope."

"Okay, well, then, I'm going to take Bella home. Her car battery is dead."

"Oh no," my mother exclaimed, like it was the sinking of the _Titanic_ or something. "That's awful. Do we need to call a mechanic?"

"No, it's fine, Mrs. Cullen. I'll just have my dad come and jump-start it tomorrow."

"Oh, well, if you are sure, dear. It really is no bother. And do call me Esme," my mother told her.

"I'm sure, Esme."

This was getting too trippy for me, like that one time Jasper and I had smoked pot and watched old episodes of _The Twilight Zone_. I didn't want them getting buddy-buddy. How was it even possible that it was an option for them to be friends? That was just weird. And not okay.

"Okay, Mom, we have to go," I said hurriedly.

The drive back to Bella's house was quiet, calm. It felt like the way things used to be with us. They just were. We didn't have to try and force them. And I liked that. I pulled up in front of her house already missing her. I prayed that in the morning she would feel the same way that she did now, but it was possible that she wouldn't. All I could do was hope.

"Thanks for the ride, Edward. I'll see you tomorrow?" I nodded.

"Yeah." My heart was pounding in my chest. She wanted to see me. And it wasn't anything big, but it felt monumental. It felt like the Great Wall or the Eiffel Tower.

Bella leaned in and kissed my lips briefly, so quickly that I didn't even get a chance to respond. And then she jumped out of my car. I watched as she walked briskly to her front door and closed it behind her.


	6. Part 6

**Chapter 23: Her Eyes Are Like Champagne**

"Girl in the War" by Josh Ritter

"Leave the gun in the car," I said, but he acted like he couldn't hear me yelling. "Dad, this isn't funny." I reached for the gun in his holster and he finally looked at me. It wasn't a cheery smile; it was a glare. But he did relent and put his Glock in the glove box.

Charlie ran his fingers through his thinning dark brown hair and sighed. "I thought you hated him. I thought that we were done with him."

We currently sat parked outside of the Cullen's house in Charlie's squad car, neither of us making any move to get out of the vehicle, even though we pulled up a few minutes ago. He had been less than thrilled when I told him that my car died, but he was pissed when he found out that it was at Edward's house. He had been not-so-subtly suggesting that I consider dating the son of one of his friends, but Charlie just didn't understand.

"Has he gotten in any trouble since he's been back? Even a parking ticket or something?" He shook his head unhappily. "Dad, he's not who he used to be. And you can't tell me that if Mom had come back however many years ago and not been self-absorbed or bitchy that you wouldn't at least have given her another chance. Because you loved her."

He sighed. "I just don't want to see you hurt again." I nodded.

"I know. But I love him." Charlie groaned again.

"Fine, but he has to get past my inspection first." And then he climbed out of his car. I quickly got out too.

"Wait. What? You're not a fair judge. You hate him. You'll say no regardless of how much he's changed."

Charlie popped the hood to my car and then went back to his and found the jumper cables in the trunk. I heard the Cullen's front door open and watched as the entire family gathered to help jump-start my car. Lovely. I had to be blushing ten shades of red.

It was the first time that I had seen Dr. Cullen, Edward's step-dad. His hair was blonde and his eyes were bright blue; they looked so different standing next to one another, excluding the fact that they were both very attractive men. But Edward was the one who drew me to look at him.

His bronze hair was even more chaotic than usual. And his eyes kept fluttering open and shut. And he just kind of stood there. I recognized that look—he was tired. I couldn't believe that he had actually gotten out of bed for this. It was pretty much just hooking the battery cables up to the weird little engine thing.

I walked over to Edward as Dr. Cullen stepped in to help Charlie, as if this was serious business. Edward was smiling wide when I stopped in front of him. I laughed lightly.

"You look like you haven't slept." But he still looked damn sexy. And all I could think about was getting him into bed. I missed touching him. Holding his hand last night had been almost enough reason to jump him.

He shook his head slowly. "I haven't. I was up all night thinking."

I bit my bottom lip. That worried me. What if he decided that he didn't want to try with us again? I had spent those months of us apart watching him. He transformed right in front of me. I changed too; I know I did. It was impossible to go through something like that—heartbreak—and not be affected.

"What about?" I asked warily.

Edward smiled sheepishly and looked down at his feet. When he looked back up his eyes were on fire. "Your goodbye last night."

The kiss.

I flushed bright red and tried to contain it, since our families were standing just a few feet away and were undoubtedly listening in. I knew Charlie was for certain. And I wouldn't put it past Esme.

"Oh," I replied, my voice a few octaves higher than normal.

Edward laughed. "Yeah. I think that I agree with you, yeah. And I wish that I had been given the opportunity to say so, before you took off."

"You could always tell me now," I replied. He lifted both of eyebrows in shock, I think, to my remark.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "Here, B." I took the piece of paper and put it in my pocket. "Did you want to do something today or tomorrow?" he asked hopefully.

"Um," I said and looked back at Charlie. "I think that you need to talk to him first." A look of terror briefly marred Edward's features.

Charlie and Dr. Cullen had gotten my car running and were nodding at each other in appreciation. Another job well done or some shit. Edward walked straight over to my dad without hesitation or blinking. Charlie seemed a little surprised.

"Chief Swan, I would like your permission to do something with Bella later today or tomorrow."

I think that I started choking on my own saliva, because I was coughing all of a sudden. And Esme was patting my back. I think that we all had the same reaction. Mine was just a bit louder than everyone else's.

"I don't know, Edward," he replied hesitantly.

"What can I do to convince you?" Edward seemed to be taking this seriously. I had planned on him just picking me up and getting the heck out of dodge before Charlie noticed.

I looked seriously at my dad. He had to see that this wasn't just an act.

Charlie still hadn't answered, so Edward took the initiative. "I received all A's on my midterms. And I've gotten eight offers to go play college baseball at major universities. And those are all from last year. I plan on narrowing those down this year and finding a good school. You know my police record better than I do, but I haven't had anything on it since my eighteenth birthday. I know how to cook and do my own laundry. And I really care about your daughter."

I laughed once. "And he can throw ninety miles an hour." All of them turned to look at me and then back at Edward. He shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, like anyone could do that with a little practice. Silly boy.

"Fine," Charlie relented. "You guys can do something tonight." Hell yeah.

Edward turned back to me. "Wear something that is comfortable and you can move in, but that you don't mind getting sweaty."

Ugh. I had been without Edward way too long, because that sentence made me want to get him sweaty. I remembered how sweaty his body had been the first time that I had gone down on him, the way it coated his abs and pecs.

I nodded blankly. "Okay."

Edward walked over to me and kissed my forehead. And then he opened my driver's side door. I loved it when he was sweet like that. "I'll see you tonight at seven."

EPOV

"Bella, you have to grip it tighter," I said.

She glared at me. "I know how to do it, Edward. Leave me alone."

I sighed and leaned back against the fence. "You're not doing it right. How about you let me show you how again?"

"How about you shut the hell up, so that I don't take this baseball bat and beat you to a pulp with it? Okay? I'm doing fine."

She swung again as the ball approached, but missed it completely and ended up hitting the back of her own helmet. I would have laughed if I wasn't so worried that she might have given herself a concussion. She was an accident waiting to happen. Maybe the batting cages were a bad idea.

I just wanted to show her part of my world, something that was important to me. At this rate, though, I would be showing her the emergency room. She refused to listen to me. She kept chopping at the ball. Her swing was deadly.

But, still, I loved every minute with her. I loved how she insisted that she knew what she was doing. I loved how she kept yelling and cussing at me. I loved how there wasn't this awkward tension between us. I loved her.

The pitching machine stopped and I crossed over to help her. I made sure that my helmet was on securely. She dropped the bat to her side and grimaced at me.

"I suck at this."

I smiled. "Will you let me help you?" She nodded. "Okay. Get in your stance."

She did. Oh god, we had so much work to do. I laughed and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Okay," I said laughing again. "Let's work on your grip." Bella glared as she stuck the bat out in front of her.

"What's wrong with my grip?" I walked over and stood behind her, pressing my body against hers more than was necessary. But, damn, I missed her. And I rearranged her hands, so that she would actually have a decent swing.

I picked her up and changed her stance. My fingers enjoyed being on her body again, even if it was for something as mundane as a batting stance. And Bella kept teasing me, wiggling her hips slightly so that they connected with mine and created friction. The first time I thought it was an accident. By the third time, she looked back and smirked at me. Tease.

I set the pitching machine up for her again and stood in the stall beside her.

"Drop your elbow," I said. "No, your other elbow." Bella laughed embarrassed.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"Don't be," I replied. "Okay, keep your eye on the ball and swing all the way through."

My stomach was doing flips as the first pitch approached her. She swung and missed. Her face became dejected, but she got into her stance again. This time, she hit it.

She started jumping up and walked toward me excited. What she didn't realize was that the machine was still going. I ran and pulled her out of the way, earning me a fastball in the ribs. Bella screamed when she heard the sound of contact.

"Are you okay? Oh god. Are you okay?" she kept repeating over and over again. "Why aren't you answering? Are you okay? Do you hate me?"

"B, shut up," I said breathlessly. I tried to take a breath, but it hurt. Fuck. I knew what I needed to do. Normally I wouldn't, but I couldn't risk this season. My entire future depended on this season and if I was seriously hurt, then I needed to get better. "Okay, Bella, here is what I need you to do."

"I'm ready. And I'm sorry." I shook my head, gritting my teeth.

"I need you to drive me to the hospital. Carlisle needs to check and see if I broke anything." She gasped. "I don't think I did. But I just want to make sure. Don't worry. And stop apologizing."

"Okay. Okay."

I put my arm around her shoulder and walked slowly back to the car, biting back every time that I winced, so that she wouldn't freak out more. She was already panicky and blaming herself. It was an accident. And I would have much preferred being in pain than seeing that baseball hit her.

When we got to the car, she walked over to the passenger side door to let me in. But it was locked. "Where are the keys?" I turned to get them and gasped out. Shit. She was going to flip out again. "Just tell me where they are."

"Right back pocket."

From her place underneath my left arm, she rolled herself around my front so that she was facing me. And then she reached into my pocket and pulled out the keys. She unlocked the door and helped me in.

I watched as she adjusted the seat and the mirrors for her and carefully drove my car. I loved how she looked sitting there.

I called Carlisle on the way to the hospital because I knew his shift would be ending soon. He met us at the door and directed us to his office. Bella gripped my hand so tightly that it was starting to sting. But I knew that she was scared, so I didn't let go.

I leaned down and kissed her temple, ignoring the shooting pain. "I'm fine, B."

"Okay, take off your shirt. Let's see how much damage you did." I gritted my teeth and tried to pull it off to no avail. Bella's fingers created goose bumps as they ghosted across bare skin, helping me take off the sweaty t-shirt.

Carlisle pressed gently against my chest, trying to find signs of fractures in the ribs. He checked my heartbeat and watched me breathe. He nodded a few minutes later after performing all of his little tests.

"There are no signs of fracture. We could do an x-ray to be certain, but I really don't think it would turn up anything different. I think you just bruised your ribs."

That's what I had thought, but I was glad that it was confirmed in front of Bella. Maybe she would calm the fuck down now. Probably not though.

"What does that mean? What do I need to do to help him? Can he take pain medicine?" Carlisle smiled at her.

"I'm going to get him an icepack to put on his ribs. He can take pain medicine if he wants. And he needs to rest, so you'll probably have to help him get up to his bed."

"Okay," Bella replied eagerly. "Anything else?"

I silently started praying that Carlisle would tell her that fellatio would probably speed up my healing process. He gave me a look like he knew what I was thinking. Creepy bastard. "Nope."

Bella drove my car back to my house and helped me up the stairs. She made sure that I was comfortable. And she probably would have done anything for me, because, regardless of how many times I had told her not to feel guilty, she still blamed herself. I still had my shirt off, because it was too much work to put it back on. Bella lifted the icepack that was laying over my injured ribs and laid it on the bed beside me. She brought her lips down and gently kissed the bruised flesh.

"I have to get home somehow," she said out of nowhere. I didn't really like the idea of her leaving, but I knew she was right. Charlie wasn't going to approve anymore outings if she didn't come home tonight.

"Take my car," I said. I never would have imagined saying those words to anyone, except her. I loved my car. She was important to me. Well, both of them were. "You can bring it back tomorrow and come visit me."

She smiled. "But that leaves me trapped over here tomorrow."

I laughed before realizing that it would probably hurt like hell. "Well, then I guess you'll just have to stay forever."

Bella smirked. "I'll have my dad pick me up tomorrow after I visit you." I nodded. "Goodbye. And I'm sorry."

I grabbed her arm as she tried to walk away. She sat down on the edge of my bed. I ignored the pain and propped myself up on my elbows. I traced my fingers along her cheekbone.

"Did you read the note?" I asked.

She blushed and looked down. "Yeah."

"And?"

"And I'm wondering why you can't just say it out loud." Bella bit her bottom lip nervously.

My ego and pride were begging me not to say it. But they were the ones that had gotten me into trouble in the first place. She meant everything to me and I wasn't going to lose her again.

"I love you, B."

She smiled so wide. "I love you too."

I looked into her eyes and felt like I was intoxicated. She was so beautiful. So lovely. I brought my lips to hers slowly and sucked her bottom lip between mine. She sighed against the kiss and parted her lips for me.

I kissed her for as long as I could, ignoring the warning signs that my ribs were flashing to my brain. I needed to get out of this angle, before I screamed. Delicately, I pushed her face from mine and lay back down. She gasped and looked worried.

"I'm fine," I told her for the eight hundredth time.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

**Chapter 24: The Rhythm Grows**

"The Shake" by The Elms

I knocked on the Cullen's front door the next morning, somehow balancing a tray of brownies in one hand and a stack of DVDs in the other. I had been so wired last night that I needed something to calm my nerves, and for me that's baking. Charlie didn't seem to mind when I made him try out the three different kinds of cookies or the two different kinds of brownies that I made. He was upset, however, when I told him that his favorite brownies were going as an apology/get well gift to Edward.

Esme opened the door and reached out to take the movies from my hand. I came inside the house and stood at the foot of the stairs. "You know that we have movies, dear. You didn't have to bring your own."

I nodded. "I didn't know what you would have. And these are the ones we watched in Phoenix together."

"That's adorable," she said with a smile.

I shrugged. "It's all an apology. I feel so bad. And since Edward can't do anything too strenuous, I figured we could just watch movies and hang out."

She smirked and I feared her a little bit. "Are you on the pill, Bella?"

I started choking and coughing and hyperventilating. And, holy shit, whose mom asks that question? I mean, really? And she stood there all expectantly, waiting for me to respond.

"Yes," I squeaked out. "Why?" As soon as the second word escaped my lips, I was sure that I would regret it. I was already blushing, but I might turn so red that it became irreversible.

"Well, because there are condoms in the left kitchen cabinet, the bathroom upstairs, and Edward's top dresser drawer. You know, just in case. And you kids have fun. I'm going to be in Olympia all day doing some shopping."

She handed the movies back. And I bolted up the stairs. My eyes had to be bigger than dinner plates. I didn't even want to think about the conversation that had just occurred between me and Edward's mother. And I especially didn't want to know why the hell there would be condoms in a kitchen cabinet.

I opened the door to Edward's room and rest my back against it, still in shock. Edward kept glancing over at me. But I needed to control my breathing and be able to form rational sentences.

I sat the movies on his dresser, trying to purge from my mind what his mother just said about his dresser. And I put the brownies on the little table by his bed. Then I leaned down to gently kiss him on the lips.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

He smiled. "So much better now that you're here. But what had you so freaked out?"

I rolled my eyes and carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. "Your mother."

Edward groaned angrily. "What did she do?" I could feel my cheeks redden slightly. He laughed once. "Whatever it was, it must have been serious to get this reaction out of you."

I shrugged. "She just implied that we were going to have sex and told me where in your house I can find condoms."

It wasn't the idea of sex with Edward that freaked me out, not by any means. I wanted him. Shit, I had to work really hard to look him in the eye and talk to him when I would have much rather been licking something sticky from his abs.

But I found it really weird that Esme didn't seem at all bothered by telling me about the condoms. Though, I suppose, when your son used to be a man-whore, you probably did need to tell all the little skanks where protection was. It made me wonder if she saw me the same way as those girls.

"Ignore her," Edward replied.

"Do you think your mom thinks I'm a slut?" I blurted out, my internal filter no longer working apparently.

He wrinkled his forehead and squinted his eyes. "Um. No. Why would she?"

I ran my fingers through his fuck me hair. "I don't know. I just don't want her to think that's why we are together."

"Wait," he said, his eyes joking. "We aren't together because of sex?" He faked a wince. "I think I made a mistake."

I scoffed and climbed off the bed, while Edward laughed. "If you weren't already injured, I would punch you. As it is, I feel bad enough for one bruise." He frowned.

"I'm sorry," Edward apologized. "You know that's not why we are together."

I shrugged. "Why are we together again?" I asked. He rolled his eyes at me.

He had said it for the first time last night out loud. He had, however, given me a note when we went to the Cullen's house to get my car. I hadn't read it until I was up in my bedroom alone, because I really didn't want my dad to ask about it. And, plus, his last note had made me cry. I didn't know if this one would have the same effect on me.

I unfolded the plain white piece of paper and stared at it. The entire paper was blank sans three words carefully printed in his perfect handwriting. _I love you._

I cried for two hours after that—feeling happy that he loved me still after all we had been through, but also sad because we had missed all of that time together. Looking back, we both needed that time apart. But it still hurt. Every single day that we had been together, but not really together was forever etched into me.

"Come here," Edward said, reaching out his hand. I walked closer and took his. He pulled me closer inch by inch until he could bring my hand to his lips. He kissed it softly. "Isabella Marie Swan, I am so in love with you."

I smiled ridiculously wide. "I love you too, Edward Anthony."

"So you're not mad at me anymore?" he asked smirking. I sighed dramatically, but was actually really excited and nervous.

I shook my head no.

My heart was thudding around in my chest and I was so anxious. Our physical contact since our…reconciliation had been, for the most part, chaste. Excluding the kiss last night. And a little teasing at the batting cages, before I injured my boyfriend.

I felt so bad about that. That's what the brownies were for. But I wanted to make up for the time that we had spent apart.

He slowly relocated his body to the center of the bed. And I walked around to the side away from his bruise and climbed on the bed next to him. He smiled sheepishly at me, both of us clearly knowing what was about to happen.

I curled up next to him, kissing the bare flesh of his chest. His fingers gently ran through my hair. I propped myself up on my elbow, so that it would be easier for both of us. And I brought my lips to his.

"I've missed this," I said against his lips. "I've missed kissing you. I've missed the taste of your tongue against mine. The little moans of pleasure that escape your talented lips."

I raked my fingernails across his chest, making little red lines that would fade within minutes.

"What else have you missed?" he asked a little breathlessly. I was worried about his breathing. I knew that it had to hurt him, but he didn't show any signs of pain.

I started to kiss along his jaw and then slowly down his throat, lightly sucking on the flesh just enough to leave a mark. And then my lips worked their way to his chest.

"I've missed your body. Your runner's legs. And your pecs. Your abs." I touched every body part as I mentioned it, so that he could understand. "I've missed your fingers and your hands. But do you know what I've missed the most, baby?"

I looked straight into Edward's eyes and bit my bottom lip, because I knew how it drove him crazy. His bright green eyes were glazed over with lust as he stared at me. He slowly shook his head.

"Tell me."

I put my mouth right next to his ear and slipped my hand beneath Edward's shorts at the same time. "I've missed looking at your face as you give in to the pleasure that I bring you. I want to make you feel good, Edward. I want to make you scream my name. Do you want me to make you scream for me?" He nodded furiously.

"Fuck, Bella. When did you become a sex kitten?"

I shrugged. "Some guy this summer said that he wanted to corrupt me. He did a pretty good job." I slowly pulled his shorts and boxers down, throwing them at the foot of the bed.

"Yeah, well, whenever he can actually move without screaming, I bet that he wants to finish the job."

I laughed. "Edward Cullen, are you propositioning me?" But before he could answer I took the head of his cock in my mouth and swirled my tongue around it, tasting his pre-cum.

"Fuck. Bella," he moaned.

I used my right hand to pump up and down his shaft. "You're always saying that. 'Fuck, Bella.' Well, baby, I'll believe it when you do it."

I bent my head down and took as much of him my mouth as I could, until he hit the back of my throat. Edward muttered a few more whimpered profanities. And I came back up, carefully sliding my tongue along his shaft, before taking him in deep again.

And again.

And again.

His fingers tangled in my hair in a familiar way, a way that I loved. And he started to thrust into my mouth. And he began to grunt and moan, sometimes simultaneously.

"Bella," he muttered as he hit the back of my throat again.

"Mmhmm?" He gronaed and cursed.

"Nothing. Don't stop."

I continued to pump him, but his thrusts we becoming chaotic, so I started to work faster.

I massaged each of his balls with my free hand.

"Oh. Oh. Bella. I'm. I'm about to…"

Edward groaned loudly.

And then exploded in my mouth. And I swallowed every drop, licking him completely clean.

"Bella," he said again after a few seconds.

I crawled up the bed and rest my head on his rapidly-beating heart.

"What, baby?" I asked.

"I feel so much better now. I think you healed my ribs." I laughed.

"It's like I'm a superhero. I give blowjobs and people get healed. I need to go to the hospitals," I said, pretending that I was going to get up.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me hard against his chest. He kissed my lips. And then he slipped his tongue possessively in my mouth.

"Mine," he said as he pulled away.

I nodded and looked into his eyes. "Yours," I replied. "Only yours."

**Chapter 25: Someone Like You**

"Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon.

EPOV

I wasn't sure how people would react when we went back to school. I had hoped that it wouldn't be a big hoopla. I wanted everyone to acknowledge it, accept it, and move on. But, realistically, this was high school and it was Forks. And Bella and I had a very, very public break up and the entire town knew our business—she being the police chief's long-lost daughter and me being, well, me.

I got dressed that morning feeling a little anxious, but happy. God, that girl made me smile. And even if everyone flipped out at school and all the girls were bitchy, I would still be happy as long as I had Bella. That made me a sap. I knew it. But whatever.

And I let her drive me to school in her little hybrid, even though I could have probably driven myself. The pain was almost completely gone and only hurt when I turned. But I let her pamper me. I mean, who was I to deny the girl what she wanted. And if she wanted to give me three blowjobs in two days, then I was just going to have to deal with it. Anything to make my girl happy.

I kissed Bella the second that I slipped into her car.

"Morning, B."

"Good morning," she said with a smile.

"Are you ready for this?" I asked. Bella shrugged.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

I knew that all of the guys on the baseball team had seen Bella and me together. So word had probably gotten around by now. We would still be a novelty though. Those little vultures would want to see it for themselves. And then spread the gossip to anyone in the town who would listen.

We pulled into the parking lot, but Bella looked frozen in place. He hands tightly clutched the steering wheel and she stared straight ahead. I climbed out of the passenger seat and walked around and opened her door. She whipped her head around in shock, as if she hadn't noticed that I'd even exited the vehicle.

"Come on," I said, reaching out my hand for hers. She took it and carefully stepped out of her car.

I pulled Bella close and kissed her temple trying to reassure her. She was even more nervous than I was. She was blushing and shaking.

"They're all staring."

I smiled. "Fuck them. I don't care about them, any of them."

Then, all of a sudden, I heard a high-pitched shriek. There was only one person that I knew that could make so much noise. And when I turned my head I saw that she was also jumping for joy while Jasper tried to get her to calm the fuck down. But no person alive can sedate Alice. And some medications couldn't even do the job properly.

"Oh my god. You guys are together? That's so adorable. Have you kissed yet? Have you had sex? Do you love each other? Say that you love each other. Will you kiss her? Oh my god. This is so exciting."

Jasper wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arms to her body. And he used his entire weight to keep her firmly on the ground. "A little discretion would have been nice, babe."

"But I'm so excited that Edward and Bella are together," she said loudly, making sure that the entire parking lot heard. "Why aren't you excited for our friends?"

"I am," he replied calmly. "I just show it differently than you. You shout their business for everyone to hear and I nod in acknowledgment and maybe insult Cullen." Jasper and I both laughed, but Alice pouted out her bottom lip.

"I don't see how that's helpful," she replied.

Jasper nodded at me. "Enjoy being whipped from now on."

Bella laughed. "Edward likes it when I whip him." My jaw fell open. I loved sex kitten Bella. I just didn't know that she would come out to play at school.

I kissed her quickly and pulled her away from Alice and Jasper.

"I swear you'll be the death of me, woman," I whispered in her ear.

When we walked into Biology hand-in-hand, Newton shot me a look of disdain. I glared back and tightened my grip on Bella. Everyone was staring and whispering. And Bella was still blushing like crazy.

I pulled her stool close to mine, but never let go of her hand the entire class period.

When Bio was over, I walked her to her locker and class, before footing it all the way back to my locker and then my classroom. I had Lit. We were starting Shakespeare. And I was so happy that Bella and I had gotten back together, because I probably would have pulled a Romeo in the tomb if I had to read it again and live without her.

Tyler sat next to me in Literature. He kept glancing over like he wanted to say something. But he never did. He kept chickening out and it was driving me insane.

"What?" I finally muttered, turning to look at him.

"So, you and Bella are really…"

"Really what?" I asked impatiently. He held up his hands in defense.

"You guys are together?" I nodded. "Damn. Missed my chance with her."

I rolled my eyes. "You're not her type anyway."

"And what's her type?"

"You know, attractive men such as myself."

He scoffed. "Fuck off, Cullen. Or you can find someone else to train with you."

By lunch, Bella and I were relatively old news, though I did hear about an incident involving Bella and Lauren in their history class. Apparently, Lauren started running her whore mouth about how she had me first, saying she could have me again any time that she wanted. Bella slapped her.

So, by lunch, that's what everyone was talking about.

I tried putting my arm around her, but she shrugged it away. She kept blinking back tears. And I just followed her to the parking lot. She had gotten suspended for the rest of the day.

"Bella," I said, walking a few steps behind her.

She fiddled with her keys and tried to get the door unlocked.

"Bella, talk to me," I said.

"No," she said turning around to face me. "How about you talk to me? How about you tell me how many other girls who can make the same claim as Lauren? How many of them have you been with? I want a number."

And, fuck, I did not want to answer that question.

"It doesn't matter, because—"

She cut me off. "Yes, it fucking matters, Edward," she exclaimed, scaring poor Angela Webber who had just come out to the parking lot to get a book from her car.

I reached up for her hand, but she crossed her arms. I groaned loudly.

"Why don't you ask me how many of them have mattered to me? How many of them I have written fucking little notes for? How many of them that I have let drive my car? Or how many of them have baked me a birthday cake from nothingness? How many of them I've asked their scary, gun-wielding fathers for permission to see them? How many of them I've made dinner for? Or taken a fastball to the ribs for?" I sighed. "Fuck, Bella. Ask me how many of them that I have loved. Because the answer for all of those questions is none, not one of them. You. I love you."

And Bella was crying even harder now. And I didn't know what else to do or say. I didn't know what else to do to make this better. There was no other way for me to explain it to her.

Bella slowly wrapped her arms around me and continued to cry into my chest. I held her and let cry until the tears dried. She finally pulled away.

"God, I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry."

I laughed. "It's fine. Let's just get out of here."

She sniffed and frowned at me. "You're ditching?"

I shrugged. "You're my ride home."

**Chapter 26: A Tad Too Suffocated**

"Where Love Went Wrong" by Augustana.

Bella put her car in park in my driveway and turned to face me.

"I guess that it's time to face the music."

The school had called Chief Swan to let him know about Bella's suspension. And then Chief Swan called Bella. She now had to go down to the station and explain herself. That meant no Edward and Bella sexy fun time. He was sure to blame me for being a bad influence and ground her for all eternity.

"If you still have phone privileges after this, call me and let me know what happened." She glared at me.

"He's going to flip out, isn't he?"

"Probably. But you did slap a girl and get suspended." Bella didn't look amused with my playful teasing. "Bella, it'll be fine. It will."

"Okay," she replied unconvinced. "If you say so."

I placed my hand on her cheek and looked at her. God, she was so beautiful. I closed the distance between us, relishing the feeling of her soft lips moving against mine. Her tongue tasted sweet as she slipped it into my mouth. Everything seemed slow and deliberate and passionate, without being aggressive or sloppy. Kissing her felt like perfection.

And then a phone rang.

I reached down and answered it, pulling away from her. "Bella's phone."

I heard Chief Swan's loud groan. "Cullen, can you please take your tongue out of my daughter's mouth, so that she can get her ass here."

"Actually, it was her…never mind. Not important. I'm exiting her vehicle right now and sending her your way."

"How very generous of you," he replied sarcastically.

"And, sir, I know that my opinion is of very little value to you, but I think that you should go easy on her," I said, while Bella looked curiously at me. "My past mistakes are the reason that she is in this mess."

He sighed loudly into the phone. "Just tell her to hurry." And then he hung up.

I placed the phone back in the cup holders between us. And I kissed her quickly. "I'll talk to you later, B."

"Bye."

I exited her car and walked the rest of the way up the driveway. I was sure that my mother was home. And that meant that I was going to have to explain this shit to her.

Esme could deal with most of my past behavior—the drinking, the pot, the skipping school. But she had issues with me being the town man-whore. She was always worried that I would end up with an STD, so she insisted that I use always protection. Awkward conversation that was. It started with her dropping eight different boxes of condoms on the coffee table while I was playing Xbox and asking me to choose my favorites. And then we had a very graphic discussion on Chlamydia, which I have mostly blocked from my memory. But every once in a while I still have nightmares about it.

She was also worried that I would get some girl, or girls, pregnant. And she had gotten pregnant young, so she knew what that was like. It was difficult on her. I knew that it was.

I walked into the house and sat down on the couch, putting my feet up on the coffee table.

"Edward? Carlisle?" she yelled out.

"It's me, Mom."

I immediately heard footsteps on the stairs. She rushed to me and put her hand on my forehead. "Are you okay? Are you feeling well? Why are you home?"

"I'm fine. It's," I said with a sigh. "It's a long story. Okay, it's not that long."

"Tell me," she replied, sitting on the couch next to me.

"Bella got suspended for slapping Lauren Mallory after she started saying shit to Bella about how I had been with her first. And then Bella got pissed at me and I had to calm her down, and she was my ride home so I left with her. But then Daddy Swan was pissed and called and B's in trouble. So I'm here. And now my step-daddy is going to be pissed because I'm skipping school again. And I'm regressing. And I'm just a selfish bastard who makes my mother cry."

Then I realized that I had said that last part out loud. I really needed to learn to filter better. Esme sighed and looked at me. She looked all sad and shit. And I hadn't meant to get all into our family issues. And I definitely didn't want to deal with another crying woman today.

"I can call the school and tell them that you aren't feeling well. Carlisle doesn't have to know about this."

What? "What? You're taking my side."

She shook her head. "This isn't about sides, Edward. It's about me doing what is best for you."

I bit back the scoff that wanted to escape. "Mom, I don't want to fight. I really don't, but when has it ever been about doing what is best for me?" I asked as calmly as I could.

She swallowed hard. "That's a fair question. I've screwed up a lot with you. I've made so many mistakes that I wish I could take back."

"Like what?" I asked quietly.

She shrugged. "Like how I handled things with your grandparents. You should have known them better. I shouldn't have alienated them."

I sighed. I had to let go of the past, all of the mistakes that she made. Bella had let go of my past and everything I had done to hurt her. I guess that's what you had to do with people you loved. And I could forgive her for my grandparents. I could.

"What about Carlisle?" My mouth asked before I could stop it. Esme sighed.

"I still to this day don't understand your animosity towards him. What has he done?"

I groaned, trying to keep my temper in control. "It's not what he's done; it's who he is. Or rather who he's not. He is not my father. My father is some man who I look, walk, and act like who died when I was little."

"Carlisle raised you."

"Yes, because you chose to marry him months after my dad died," I replied. Stupid mouth. I really, honestly, didn't want to get into this.

"I was scared, Edward. And Carlisle was there for me. I never loved your dad, but I married him and he supported us. He provided for our family. And then, suddenly, he was dying, no chance of recovery or survival, just gone. But Carlisle loved me. He knew how scared I was and he took care of me. And you. The timing wasn't great, I'll give you that, but I will not apologize for making sure that we had food to eat and a house to live in."

I sighed and looked down at my shoes. Fuck, I mean, I could understand why someone would do that. But I just didn't want that to be my life.

"I know Carlisle has been good to us, I do. I knew that as a little kid that this was all his money, that all my toys were really his. But all I ever wanted was to know who my dad was. A picture and a baseball are not enough. But I was so afraid to ask because I thought it would upset Carlisle and he'd take it all away from us," I said. "Why would you never tell me about him?"

My mom frowned and put her arm around me. "I never knew that you wanted to know."

"I always wanted to know."

"Is it too late? Do you still want me to tell you?" she asked quietly.

"Grandma told me a little bit, mostly about his childhood and stuff. But I still want to hear your perspective of him." Esme laughed.

"Okay. I think I can do that."


	7. Part 7

A/N: This is the final part of Love Like A Sunset. I hope you all have enjoyed the reposting. I certainly have enjoyed reading all of your comments. Thank you all for reading.

* * *

**Chapter 27: Before The Night Is Through**

"Bad Things" by Jace Everett.

"Um," I said, looking down at his bed. My cheeks were burning a shade of red so bright that I bet that I could be seen from orbit. "I don't know, Edward."

"Just pick one," he replied nonchalantly as if he was talking about ice cream flavors or postage stamps and not condoms. He had dumped his entire supply onto his bed and I felt like I was swimming in latex. And then, he's just all, 'Pick one, Bella, and then we can have sex on my bed because my parents are in fucking Seattle going to see the ballet and don't at all care if we go at it like rabbits. La di da.'

It was Saturday. And we had survived our first week as a couple at Forks High with only minor bumps along the way—namely me slapping Lauren Mallory and then getting suspended. But, you know, other than that, it was fine. And Charlie had even been decent and understanding after I explained the whole mess to him. He offered to show me how to throw a punch so if she started any shit again I could take her down. But when I came back to school, she avoided me and looked terrified whenever we were in the same room, so I was fairly positive that I wouldn't need the boxing lessons.

But I did get grounded from Edward for a few days, because Charlie said that while he understood, he couldn't "condone" my behavior.

It was our first day back together, excluding school hours. I had driven over this morning and he made me breakfast. Then we went up to his room to "watch movies." And we ended up making out. And then everything got all serious, and suddenly there was birth control involved.

"Edward, I don't know," I said again. "You're the boy, you pick. Plus, you have more experience with this stuff anyway."

He smiled and played with my hair. "But that's precisely why I think you should pick."

I looked at the dozens and dozens of condoms on his bed. And there were so many different kinds. He was better stocked than a drugstore and I felt like I was in the third grade and my teacher just asked me to spell a word that I didn't know in front of the entire class.

"What if I pick wrong?" I asked.

"You can't pick wrong, B."

"Normal people probably couldn't, but I bet that I could," I said unhappily.

This was supposed to be a happy thing-a passionate, romantic expression of our love. It felt more like an anxiety attack waiting to happen. I sighed and put my face down on his bed.

I felt his fingers begin to trace along my spine.

"Bella, if you're not ready…"

I lifted my head up.

"Edward, that's not it. I'm ready. I'm just…overwhelmed a little bit right now and having eighty choices is not helping."

"It's not eighty. Trojan only makes like twenty-eight different kinds."

I stared at him blankly for a few seconds, not at all surprised that he knew that. "Not helpful."

"Sorry," he said with a crooked smile. "How about we do this?"

Edward reached down into the massive pile and brought back up a handful.

"Close your eyes. And pick one. Or two. Or ten."

I did as commanded and grabbed the first one I touched. I kept my eyes closed as he took it from me and laughed once. I didn't understand the laughter. I didn't know if I wanted to open my eyes. A few days ago I had been so confident. Now, it was completely different.

I wanted this. I did. I wanted Edward. And I wanted him to want me.

I sounded like a Cheap Trick song. Now all I needed was some old brown shoes and a brand-new shirt.

I finally opened my eyes, and Edward looked all worried and unhappy and that's not what I wanted. Not for him and not for us. I shrugged and started shoveling the rest of his seemingly endless supply into its container. His eyes never left my face.

I lay down on his bed and closed my eyes, not wanting to think. Thinking was bad. Thinking got me into trouble.

"Bella," he said all angsty and unsure sounding.

"Edward, just kiss me."

He positioned himself beside me, wrapping his arm around my waist and gently kissed my lips.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

I rolled my eyes. "It is. I'm just going to need you to talk to me, okay?"

"You look scared," he commented. Fucking great. I looked scared. That was attractive. Now he really wanted to sleep with me.

"I just…what if I'm bad, Edward? I mean, from what I've heard at school, you are really good. And I'm just…I'm not going to compare to those other girls."

He kissed me quickly. "Silly girl. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you are in a whole different league than anyone else. And, seriously, love, if you're bad then we are just going to keep practicing until you get better." He smirked at me and I could feel my stomach tighten. "We'll take this slow. It'll be okay."

"Okay," I whispered and kissed him again.

Our lips moved slowly against one another. And Edward's arm tightened around my waist and pulled me even closer to him. He started to increase the pace, his lips quickening against my own. His tongue slid across my lower lip asking for permission. I opened my mouth slightly and tasted him—he always tasted like mint and sex.

Edward rolled onto his back. And he pulled me on top of him. I pulled away from his kiss and straddled his hips.

"The t-shirt has got to go," I said. He laughed and pulled his off, while I reached for the hem of mine. I tossed mine to the side and he did the same.

And then I leaned back toward him, my chest rubbing against him.

I started kissing along his jaw. And I kissed down his throat, leaving marks in all my favorite places—the spot right below his left ear, his pulse point, and the base of his throat. I was slow, deliberate, careful—the things he that always was with me. And I could tell that it was killing him.

His hands came up and unclasped my bra. And then he slid it down my shoulders and relocated my arms so that he could remove it properly. It joined the pile of clothes that was amassing near his bed.

Edward slowly rolled, so that I was now on my back and he was over me. He smiled brightly and kissed me. Then came his assault of kisses. Edward's hot breath seemed to be searching for any piece of bare flesh to come into contact with. He licked along my collar bone, while his hands gently kneaded my breasts. He kissed my throat, my jaw, my forehead, my stomach, before taking my right nipple in my mouth and sucking gently. My fingers gripped his bronze hair.

After giving the left the same treatment, Edward pulled away slightly. I groaned from lack of contact. He pulled his hands away from his hair and pinned my arms above my head.

He smiled and crawled up my body. His lips kissed all the way up both of my arms. When he reached my wrists, he sucked gently on the sensitive skin.

And I was getting impatient.

Ten minutes ago I wasn't sure that we would have actually made it this far without one of us backing out, but now I knew that this was happening. And my heart was racing. And my breathing was shallow. And all I could think about was how much I loved him and how right this was. He and I were supposed to be together.

I yanked my arms from his grip and reached down to unbutton his jeans. Before I could even get his unzipped, Edward had mine down to my knees. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Anxious, are we?"

He smirked. "Only to make you scream in pleasure. I love hearing my name on your lips."

"And you say that you're not romantic," I joked.

While I was teasing him, he had taken the initiative to also remove my panties. So I was completely naked, while he still had his pants on.

"Damn it, Edward."

"What, baby?" he asked all innocent.

"Don't you 'baby' me," I replied clearly frustrated. "Take your damn pants off. Boxers too. Don't be cute."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, that stupid sexy smirk on his lips. And, fuck, I wanted those lips on me again. "Anything else I can do for you?" he asked when his clothes were on the floor.

I pulled his face roughly to mine and kissed him. I was trying to show him how much I wanted him, because words always failed me. He kissed back earnestly, moaning against my lips when I reached for his cock and began pumping.

He growled when my thumb began tracing the head. Sexiest damn thing ever. I repeated the action just to hear it again.

"Bella, baby, I'm not going to last very long if you keep teasing me," he said, his voice low.

"So what are you saying?" I asked.

"I'm asking if you are ready."

I took a deep breath and nodded. Edward reached over to his dresser to grab the condom, but my hand beat him to it. I looked at the package to see what it said. It was purple and it read _Ecstasy_ in plain gray letters.

"Ecstasy? I like the sound of that," I said, carefully ripping open the package.

"Just wait until you feel it." He took the condom from me and rolled it into place like a pro. And then he looked at me again for permission and I wanted to slap him.

"Edward, seriously, get on with it."

He smiled softly. "It might hurt a little at first," Edward said. He brushed a bit of hair out of my eyes. "I love you, B."

"I love you too."

I could feel him as he moved closer and closer to my entrance. Slowly, he entered me and I could feel a slight stinging as he stretched me. And I could feel my body as it tried to accommodate him. All the while, he stayed completely still, waiting for some sort of signal from me.

I rocked my hips forward and the most fantastic look of pleasure crossed his face. He began pulling out and my body was mourning the lost when he pushed back into me. I moaned at the incredible friction.

His pace was deliberate, as if trying to draw out the process for as long as possible. But my skin felt like it was crawling. I needed friction. I needed speed. I needed pressure.

I reached up and put both of my hands on his face and he stopped moving altogether. I groaned at this. My hips bucked up trying to make up for the loss. "Baby, I love you, but stop being so gentle with me. Faster. Harder."

He smiled, his bright green eyes alight. "Whatever you want."

Instantly, he pulled out and quickly back in, forcing a strangled cry to leave my throat. Every thrust seemed to be deeper than the previous one. His breathy groans and my quiet screams combined with the sound of our flesh connecting.

I could feel my stomach tightening in that familiar way, but this experience was so different, so much better.

Edward reached between us and stimulated my clit, flicking it and then rubbing circles with his thumb. And he kept thrusting harder and faster. Again and again. And I could feel so much intensity that I thought my body might rip into two pieces.

And then everything stopped and kept going all at the same time. My eyes clenched shut, but I could still hear Edward's moans. And my toes curled, while he continued thrusting. I screamed out his name, but my heart stopped beating.

And then it all started again.

I opened my eyes and kissed him as he thrust into me a few more times. I felt him twitch inside of me and release. And then Edward collapsed on my chest.

I ran my fingers through his messy bronze hair and just smiled to myself. About a minute later, Edward pulled away from me and took off the condom, throwing it into the conveniently placed trashcan by his bed. And then he lay back with his head against the pillows and pulled me to him.

He kissed my forehead. "You screamed my name," he said, somehow managing to not sound conceited or arrogant at all with that statement. "I hope that means that you liked it, that you enjoyed yourself."

I giggled and blushed a little. "I did. It was…ecstasy. At least for me." I hoped he would get the hint and that I wouldn't have to ask him.

He smiled wide. "Silly girl, it was amazing for me too. You're amazing."

I smiled at him. "I love you. So very much."

"I love you too, B."

**Chapter 28: Anywhere With You**

"First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes.

It was the bottom of the ninth and Edward was on his way to pitching a no-hitter. But I wasn't going to say that aloud. Charlie had told me the rules—you never speak of a no-hitter, and especially not to the pitcher, unless you want to jinx it.

Another thing Charlie had told me—the rarity of no-hitters. Even at the professional level it was a big deal, got your name written in the history books for doing something special. They were a little more common at the high school level, but it would still impress the scouts who had come to watch the game.

I'd been eyeing the scouts all game. They were right in front of me.

I sit in the same seat every home game, because I'm superstitious like that. Or I became superstitious like that when I started talking to Charlie and Edward about baseball. There were so many weird things that they did.

Baseball was the thing that finally convinced Charlie that Edward was acceptable. Tell him that Edward treats me with respect and kindness, nothing. But tell him that Edward hit a grand slam to tie the game and force it into extra innings, and Charlie invites him over for dinner. And they talked about baseball the entire time. They even planned a little date for the two of them to go watch a Mariner's game together. Fucking ridiculous.

I think I liked it better when they were mortal enemies.

It was late April. God, it didn't even seem real that it had been almost a year since we met. Those people we were back then were long gone now. I liked who we were now better, even if it meant that I had to learn to love baseball. I had to learn all the rules of baseball. But I could do that. I loved him and he loved baseball. This was what he wanted to do, and I would support him in that.

But I refused to go to the batting cages with him after that first disastrous experience. I didn't want to risk the possibility of one of us ending up at the ER again. Plus, I needed my Edward to be able to move. We couldn't have amazing, mind-blowing sex if he didn't move. And I liked sex with him. So I had to keep the boy healthy.

Making it this far with him hadn't been easy. We still argued about trivial shit that both of us knew wouldn't matter tomorrow, but fought over anyway. Sometimes he was self-centered ass. And sometimes I was a controlling bitch. And we always called each other on it, wouldn't just let it happen.

Then we fought right before Christmas Break and I had to go to visit my mom and Phil in their new house in Jacksonville, so I didn't get to see him for five days. And he didn't call. And I was too stubborn to call. I thought it was the end for us. I really did. But he showed up at the SeaTac airport with a huge bouquet of daisies and daffodils and got down on his knees and begged for me to take him back. Edward wasn't the kind to willingly subject himself to public humiliation, so I understood how serious he was.

I remember his exact words: "I'm a fucking idiot who doesn't deserve you or a second…third chance. But I love you. And this week has been hell without you. I'll do anything. Just don't give up on me yet."

I started bawling and kissing him. And I was worried that they were going to call security because we were making a scene, but they didn't. We stayed there kissing for a good ten minutes, before I finally managed to pull myself away from him.

"Strike three," I whispered to myself as the first batter went and sat down.

God, I was so nervous for him. My stomach was in knots. I wanted this for him. I wanted him to do this.

It was April. Prom was next week. And Edward insisted that we go, something about the whole high school experience or something. So, the little pixie dragged me dress shopping. And they were renting a limo. And the only real reason that I was going was that he was wearing a tux, and he promised me that I would get to rip it off of him.

I held my breath as the batter hit a pop-fly to center. Mike caught it and I started laughing hysterically. Two outs. One more to go.

We still hadn't decided what school we were going to go to in the fall. I was hoping that after tonight we would finally get to discuss it. They were going to win. We were up by four thanks to Jasper's homerun in the seventh. I wasn't worried about him being upset about losing, because we had that in the bag. I was worried about him being disappointed if he allowed a hit now.

"Strike one."

I squeezed Alice's hand so tight that it was probably turning blue.

"Ball one."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Strike two."

I stood up in the stands, not caring when I heard grumbling behind me. Alice stood up too, but I think it was just to be defiant. She wrapped her arm around me.

"Strike three."

I screamed and started jumping up and down which is dangerous for me to be doing on solid ground. I pushed people out of the way and ran towards the dugout. Tyler tackled Edward and the rest of the team did the same. Coach Clapp laughed as I forced my way into the dugout and then onto the field.

Edward stood up and started looking in the stands. And I jumped up and wrapped my legs around him and started kissing him furiously. His forehead. His cheeks. His jaw.

"You have to stop this," he said. "My girlfriend is here. She'll see us." I pulled away and he was smiling wide. God, his green eyes were so bright. And I didn't even care that he was covered in sweat because I was so happy for him.

"Shut up, Cullen, and kiss me." He nodded slightly, the infectious smile never leaving his lips.

He had just brought his lips to mine when Coach came up. "Whenever you are done with the very public make out session, there are a couple of guys that want to talk to you." He patted Edward on the shoulder. "You did good, kid."

"Thanks," Edward replied. "Can you ask them for one more minute?" Coach nodded and walked away.

I untangled my legs from Edward's torso and slid back to the ground. He leaned down and kissed my forehead. And I closed my eyes for a few seconds and pretended that it was just us, that there weren't a bunch of smelly guys screaming and laughing just a few feet away, that there weren't people still sitting in the bleachers, that my dad didn't just see me maul my boyfriend.

"I love you. You're my good luck charm," he said.

"I love you so much. And I'm so proud of you."

"Will you come by the house tonight?"

I nodded. "Yeah, of course. I'll see you in a little bit, okay?" He kissed my lips quickly and smiled sheepishly. He always looked so fucking adorable like that.

And I walked back to my car, leaving him to talk to the scouts that had come to see him. I saw Charlie and walked toward him. He put his arm around me.

"Did you congratulate Edward?" he asked.

I nodded and smiled. "Yeah."

"Are you coming home right now?"

"Just long enough to change," I said. "I smell gross now."

"Maybe you shouldn't have tackled him." My cheeks grew warm as the blush formed.

"No. That was necessary. He just threw a no-hitter, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

I went home and quickly changed and sprayed perfume so that I smelled pretty again and then I drove over to his house. I knew that he probably wouldn't be home for a while and that, when he did get home, he was going to need a shower, but I figured I could talk to Esme or watch TV or something.

I pulled into the Cullen's driveway at the same time that Carlisle was returning from his shift at the hospital. He looked so tired as he held the front door open for me. His blue eyes fluttered open and shut. It kind of reminded me of Edward. Maybe it was just a boy thing.

"How was the game, Bella?" he asked. "It must have been good because you are floating around like you can fly."

Carlisle and I had a friendly relationship. He had never been directly rude to me, so I didn't start anything with him. We were able to have normal conversations, so I wasn't going to mess that up even if he and Edward didn't always get along. It was getting better between them. Supposedly.

"Edward pitched a no-hitter and Jasper hit a grand slam. And Tyler and Eric and some of the other guys got hits. But Edward pitched a no-hitter." I was so excited.

He laughed at me. "Where is he now?"

I shrugged. "Talking to scouts."

"Do you know what schools?" Carlisle asked, his face getting serious. I shook my head. He had never told me what schools were seriously looking at him.

"Nope. But we need to make a decision soon."

Carlisle frowned at me. "You're going to follow him wherever he goes? Why would you let him be so selfish to insist that?"

"He didn't insist it. In fact, Edward wants me to go to Dartmouth, because I got accepted. And I know for a fact that he isn't even considering going there."

"I just don't want you to regret going with Edward instead of following a more suitable path," he said.

"More suitable path? I love Edward. I'm not going to regret this." Carlisle sat down in his big, comfortable chair.

"You say that now, but you are young. Who knows if you'll even be dating Edward a year from now?"

Seriously? "Do you…do you doubt my sincerity? Do you think that I don't love him?" It fucking hurt.

"I'm sure that you do love him…right now." I gulped and looked down, feeling tears form in my eyes. But I didn't know if I was sad or angry or frustrated.

I heard the front door open behind me and I swallowed hard. And then again when it didn't work. Edward walked up next to me and looked at me.

"What's wrong?" he asked, looking from me to Carlisle. He could always tell when I was upset, even when I tried to hide it. I shook my head. "Bella, what the fuck happened?" He was glaring at Carlisle now. And I really didn't want to be the cause of another one of their fights.

"Nothing. Let's just go upstairs," I said and walked away.

Edward was right behind me. He grabbed my right hand with his left. And he squeezed it once. When we made it up to his room, he dropped his bag on the floor and started stripping off his grimy clothes.

"I'm going to take a quick shower," he said, staring at me. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," I said quietly.

Edward groaned. "When you say that you are fine, it really means that you're not fine. Tell me."

I gulped and sat down on his bed. "Just take your shower. We'll talk after."

"Okay," he said. "I'm holding you to that."

It was maybe ten minutes later that Edward stepped out of the bathroom in only black shorts. He lay down beside me on his bed and turned his head in my direction. I scooted closer and placed his arms around me. The time alone to think hadn't been good for me.

Edward's lips lightly touched my temple. "Talk to me."

I was quiet for maybe a minute after his question. And I could tell that he was getting impatient. But I just couldn't get the words out. "You know that I love you, right? You don't doubt how I feel about you?"

His forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Bella, what are you talking about? What happened?"

"Just…just answer me." He brushed some hair back.

"Of course, I know that you love me. I could never doubt that. I love you too."

"And do you think we'll be together a year from now?" His eyes changed, softened.

"Yeah. I planned on us being together a lot longer than just next year."

"Me too," I said quietly.

He sat up and pulled me into his lap. "Bella, you have to tell me what's going on? You're scaring me here."

"I love you, Edward. And we are going to go to college together in the fall. And I'm going to love you a year from now, two years, five years, every day for the rest of my life. Because, for me, this isn't a summer love or a high school love. This is the real thing for me. I love you. God, I'm so fucking in love with you."

He smiled slightly. "I feel the same." And then he laughed once like he was nervous or embarrassed.

I was still emotional and I didn't want to cry again, so I tried to distract him. "What colleges are you considering?"

"I have it narrowed down between Arizona State and Washington State. Those were the two that came tonight." Good. I had applied and been accepted to both of those.

"Which one are you leaning towards?" I asked.

Edward smiled. "Well, there are pros and cons for both. Arizona State means getting to visit my grandma and you in a bikini, but it also means that it is fucking hot-as-hell." I laughed.

"Okay, what about Washington State?"

"It's where my dad played. And they have a great program. But it is a little bit closer to home than I wanted."

"Jasper and Alice are going to UW. We'll get to see them more than if we go to Arizona." He smiled at me.

"You want to go to Washington State?"

I nodded. "I do, but I was thinking that this summer we can visit your grandma in Phoenix for a few weeks."

"I'll call her. I'm sure she'll be glad to see you again," he said.

He was so dumb. He didn't realize how much she loved him. She cried with me when I got back from taking him to the airport.

"I'm sure she'll be glad to see both of us."

**Chapter 29: Where It Starts And Ends**

"Love Like a Sunset Part II" by Phoenix.

"You realize that every time that we go to the airport, we end up in tears, right?" she asked as we parked her Prius at the airport.

"That's true. But you and I have never flown on a plane together," I reminded her. "Unless you start being mean, I'm not going to cry."

She laughed at me. "I'm not going to cry."

I looked over at Bella's father. "You better not cry either, Charlie." He grunted at me and climbed out of the car. I followed close behind, helping him get our bags out of the trunk. Bella stayed in the car, not wanting to expose her hair to the humidity until the last possible moment.

"The Mariner's game is the week that you get back," he said, and I nodded. "Have you asked your dad yet?"

I bit my tongue. "I asked Carlisle and he says that he will try to get his shifts rearranged."

"That's good," he replied, but it sounded more like a question.

"It'll be good if he actually does it." I had my doubts. I knew my step-father. He had been to maybe three of my games in my entire life. He didn't care about me or my life or anything that was important to me.

"If not, it'll be just you and me." I laughed, trying to imagine something like this happening a year ago. I was making plans to see a baseball game with the chief of police. And we were trying to get Carlisle there. "Are you okay with that?"

I nodded. "Yeah. You're way cooler than Carlisle." He snorted and rolled his eyes. "I'm being serious. Yes, you flipped out and threatened me with imminent death. But I'm still alive. And you came to all the home games this season. And you aren't a total dick to me. You're way better than my step-dad."

He frowned. "If he reacts badly…" I nodded.

"I know. Thanks."

Charlie was really good to me. He was, and I never would have imagined that. I didn't know if it was Bella's goading or what, but Charlie started asking about school and baseball and my life. And once, after another huge blow out with Carlisle, I came over to see Bella. She wasn't there, but he let me chill on their couch and watch the game with him. It really surprised me. He had never raised children, never even been around them, excluding two weeks a year with Bella, but he was still a better father to me than Carlisle ever was.

Bella finally climbed out of the backseat of the car. She wrapped her arms around Charlie. "Be good, Bells."

She laughed. "Of course, Dad."

Charlie patted me on the back. "Take care of her."

"Of course." He looked at me for a few seconds and then walked back around and got in his car. I pulled our bags into the airport.

We took a taxi from the airport, which cost a small fortune. And as the car pulled up in front of the house, it all came flooding back. The moment I first arrived and caught a glimpse of the house. The funeral. Seeing Bella for the first time. Every kiss. Every touch. Every joke. And every argument until the moment we stepped out of the taxi replayed though my mind.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked, squeezing my hand once.

"Yeah," I replied, smiling wide at her. "I'm great. But it's fucking hot-as-hell here."

Bella and I had survived a year, which sounds like less than it was. It had been the greatest, most challenging, most heartbreaking, and most important year that I had lived. And I knew that she was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my years with. Yes, we were young. And, yes, were both idiots. But I believed, honestly and truly, that we belonged together.

We had decided on a school in April and started making preparations, which were briefly disrupted by prom—which I had to bribe Bella into attending—and graduation. Bella had looked so sexy at prom in her dress. Jasper, Emmett, and I had all rented this limo and I had to promise her that if she danced with me twice at prom, then we could go back to the limo and she could have her way with me. But stupid Rosalie and Emmett were having a spat in there, so I had to rent a room at a hotel. Luckily Charlie hadn't found out about that yet—he wasn't stupid; he knew that we weren't exactly celibate, but he didn't like to be reminded. Graduation wasn't sad for me. It was the day I had been waiting a long time for, the day that I could leave for good.

Now, that those were over, we were back to planning. And my biggest issue was dorm rooms. I wasn't going to share a room with a stranger. I had lived my entire life in my own room. I was a spoiled brat with expensive shit and I didn't want to live with someone who could steal it.

I wheeled our suitcases up the sidewalk and stopped to pick them up. I carried them up the porch steps, while Bella rang the doorbell. My grandma answered it almost immediately and wrapped her arms around Bella.

"You look so beautiful and so happy. I'm glad you're here. Come in. Come in."

"Hey, Grandma," I said, setting the bags down and hugging her gently. I took off my Ray-Bans as I pulled away.

She held onto my chin and looked at me. "We need to talk."

I flashed a quick smile and she released her hold on me. "How about after I get the bags upstairs and Bella can start getting settled in?"

"Sounds perfect."

"Sounds cryptic," Bella said from the inside the house. I walked in and kissed her lips.

"Don't be paranoid, B," I whispered in her ear. I knew that would distract her for at least five minutes. She was going to ruin everything with her nosy nature.

I lugged our bags up the stairs. Bella had over-packed…for me. She insisted on packing my bag after she saw what the suitcase looked like. Only about half of what I wanted was in there. And it was all folded and organized and shit. Whatever made her happy.

I entered into the room, nostalgia washing over me yet again. The ugly, plain walls and the lumpy, uncomfortable bed. It seemed like another lifetime, but, at the same time, I felt as though I had never left. Time had changed so much, but the room was exactly the same.

Bella walked in behind me and went straight to the bathroom, leaving the door open as she checked her makeup. She wiped underneath her eyes and muttered about her eyeliner. Then her fingers ran through her beautiful, brown locks. Bella turned back toward me smiling. And I felt me lick my lips without thinking about it.

Bella stalked toward me and pushed me forcefully back on the bed. I watched with wide eyes as she crawled up my body. Her lips finally connected with mine.

"You. Realize. That. My grandma. Is here. With us," I said between kisses.

"Can't help it," Bella replied quickly. "This bed brought back a lot of good memories."

"Like what?" I asked, wanting to hear what she remembered.

Bella pulled away and sat up so that she was straddling my legs. "The first time I met you, you were reclining on the bed. And the first time I kissed you was on this bed. And when we slept in the same bed for the first time." She leaned back over me and whispered in my ear. "Do you remember the first time we tried to 69? And I bit your thigh to muffle the scream so your grandma wouldn't hear?" She laughed lightly, her cheeks blushing. "I'm sorry about that."

Her hand slipped down to trace along my leg where she had left a scar.

I kissed her quickly. God, she had to stop talking like that so that I could go talk to my grandma. She was making me lose my focus for the task at hand.

I put my hands on her hips and sat up, picking her up off of me. "Tonight," I said when she groaned.

I took a minute to compose myself and then I walked across the hall to my grandma's room. I knocked and she instantly said that I should come in. She was standing in front of her dresser, looking like she was a guard at Buckingham Palace. It was…odd.

"Close the door, son." I did as commanded and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I have it, if it's still what you want," she said.

I smiled. "I would love it, but I don't want to take something that belongs to you."

My grandma came and sat down beside me. "Do you love her?" I nodded. "Are you positive that this is what you want to do?"

"I have no doubts." That was true. I loved her. I had no doubts within myself. Those were reserved for her reaction.

I looked over at her and she had tears in her eyes. She sniffled and stood back up. She opened her top dresser drawer and pulled out a small black box.

"I took it to the jeweler to get it cleaned, so it will be all shiny and perfect." Grandma placed the box in my hand I flicked it open. I stared at the brilliant round diamond surrounded by twelve smaller diamonds on a white gold band. I prayed that she would love it. "It was your great-great grandmother's ring. She gave it to your grandfather to give to me. And now I'm giving it to you. It's been in the family nearly ninety years and I couldn't imagine it on anyone else's finger. So you had better be good to her."

"I will," I promised as I snapped the box shut. "Can you hold onto it until tomorrow night? She's a snooper."

Grandma took the box back from me. I stood up and hugged her. I towered over her, so her arms were around my stomach.

"Thank you, Grandma."

"I'm glad to see you happy. Both of you."

I had to compose myself before I went back to our room. It felt weird to call it ours. But it really was. Like she had said earlier, the room was drenched in memories. Our memories and our love. Even if it kind of freaked me out, I liked the sound of "our." I could get used to "our."

I plopped down on the bed next to her and pulled her closer.

"What were you two talking about?" she asked.

"My parents and college and stuff," I lied easily. I hated lying to her. We were usually painfully honest, but I couldn't really say that we were talking about her engagement ring.

"How is that going, by the way? Do you think they'll let us get an apartment together?" Her fingers traced slowly up and down my forearm.

"With the scholarships I'm getting—baseball and academic—I'll have enough to cover an apartment. Their approval isn't really necessary," I said. Bella sighed quietly. "But, Esme doesn't seem to mind and Carlisle is thinking about it. I'm sure he'll relent after I tell him that your dad already agreed to it."

"What?" she exclaimed and sat up. "When?"

I smiled to myself. "At your graduation party, while you and Alice were taking seven million pictures together in your cap and gown and dancing around like you were high on spray paint."

That was by far the scariest conversation that I had ever had with anyone. He and I were in the kitchen, cutting up the cake. And I may have casually slipped in my intentions to propose to Bella. And then he put his gun on the table and told me that I might end up dead because his gun accidently went off. I started hyperventilating, because I could tell that the "accident" wasn't going to be an accident.

Then he told me it was a joke and to calm down and he asked me a bunch of questions. My pulse never slowed, but I was able to at least appear chill. When he was satisfied with my answers, he shrugged. "Go ahead" were his exact words. Not exactly "welcome to the family," but I hadn't been expecting that.

And then I asked if we could move in together. Charlie snorted and said that if I could get an engagement ring on her finger, then he wouldn't bitch about it. He knew that I was going to propose on this trip.

"He never told me that," Bella said.

"Did you ever ask him about it?" I asked. She shook her head, suspiciously. I kissed her to get that look off of her face.

She tried to back away and speak again, but I pulled her on top of me. I made sure that my lips found that place by her jaw that made her sigh. When I found it, she became putty and I flipped us so that she was squirming happily beneath me. I never thought that I'd have to use sex as a distraction technique. But I would do whatever was necessary to keep her from finding out about the proposal before I was ready, ring in my pocket.

BPOV

He had been acting funny all day. All yesterday too. But especially today. Edward insisted that his grandma and I go out to the spa or something and handed me his Black Card. It was the first time he had ever given it to me—he loved the thing—and it freaked me out. The only limit this thing had was a minimum monthly amount. I could have gone crazy, bought a car or some shit and it wouldn't even appear out of the ordinary. I didn't like the card. And I didn't like that he surrendered it to me easily. He was distracted by something, but every time I brought it up, he blew me off, kissed me or something.

Mrs. Masen just brushed off my suspicions. She said that I was reading too much into his behavior, that he was a man and that men don't always behave in a way that makes sense to a woman. And I thought that maybe she was right. If something was wrong, Edward would tell me. He always did. I needed to just relax and enjoy our time in the place that had brought us together.

We out for a light lunch before getting a manicure and pedicure. Apparently, Mrs. Masen informed me, Edward was taking care of dinner. And that started another round of suspicions.

And as much as I tried to push them from my mind, I couldn't.

Edward met us at the front door of the house and told me to go up and get dressed nice. I choked back any reply or questions, instead just kissing him on the cheek. I went upstairs and changed into a short red dress that I had packed on the off chance that he took me out on a date and we didn't end up in his bed naked or at the pool the entire time.

I fixed my hair, pulling it up in a bun. And then braiding it. Finally, I decided to just leave it down, letting the loose waves hang freely. He liked to play with my hair anyway.

I came downstairs and he was waiting for me, dressed nicely—black slacks and a white buttoned up t-shirt. There was even a tie involved. He led me out the kitchen door. The back yard was lit up like the night that we had our first date, the night that he first told me that he liked me. I giggled quietly to myself.

He pulled out my chair for me and I sat down. Edward took his chair across from me. I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard.

"This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,  
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.  
Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest  
Come to thy heart as that within my breast!"

I remembered the lines. _Romeo and Juliet_. I had said them to him on the night before he left to go back home. It surprised me that he would remember that. There was nothing that I wanted more than to go sit in his lap and kiss him for knowing that lines meant a lot to me, but I didn't. I behaved.

Edward took another deep breath, nervously. He looked at me as he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. His eyes were glowing in the moonlight.

"Please bear with me. I'm nervous as fuck."

Those eight words made my chest tighten. "About what?" I asked, quietly. I wasn't able to say anything more.

Edward unfolded the piece of paper and laughed once. He looked at me. And then he looked up at the sky. Then back at me.

"Edward, babe, you're scaring me."

"Fuck it," he muttered quietly, shoving the piece of paper back into his pocket. He stood up. I didn't know what was going on. He was freaking out, and it was freaking me out. Edward took both of my hands and pulled me to my feet.

Slowly, he brought his lips to mine. They moved deliberately and passionately both. And I could feel love radiating off of him. All the fears and anxiety washed away at that moment.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too," I replied.

"I will always love you."

"Forever and ever," I agreed.

"Every single day for the rest of our lives, my heart is yours," he said, his green eyes piercing my soul.

"And mine is yours."

Edward kissed me once more quickly. "Marry me."

I started choking and coughing.

"What?"

"Isabella Marie Swan, you would make me the happiest man to ever live, if you would agree to be my wife."

"What?" I asked again. And that's when his face fell and he looked like he might cry. "No, no," I said quickly. "Wait, Edward. You just surprised me a little. Give me a second."

I swallowed a few times. It wasn't really working so I reached for the water glass on the table and gulped it back. And then I took a deep breath.

"Yes."

"What?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes, Edward Anthony Cullen, I would love to be your wife."

His face broke out in the widest grin that I have ever seen and he pulled a box out of his pocket. Then, he slipped this huge rock on my finger. I recognized it as his grandmother's ring instantly. And then he brought my face to his, kissing me teasingly.

"You said yes," he said, the smile may have been perfectly etched on his lips.

"I know. I was there," I replied jokingly.

"You want to marry me."

I laughed. "You want to marry me too."

He smirked. "Well, that's because I love you."

"I love you too."


End file.
